Bad Moon.

[ton321]

A motherless man is always a refugee-
learning acts of kindness from strangers
from the far shores of grief.

Wild garlic sings in his heart
as he walks through the municipal park.
The lost smell of freshly baked bread
becomes the incense of homely churches.
Love making and wine are what
was written in the holy books
after all.

A motherless man has no friends but the dead
and those who died trying to save him.

A motherless man is marked like Cain.

When he goes to his friends’ houses he notices
the doting mother calling childish names to his him,
who is embarrassed when I sing it mockingly back to him
like a carrion crow

though she is dead 45 years.

[jisbell00]

Hi Tony,

Great idea for a poem. I am especially taken with the first two stanzas. I feel that the ending could perhaps be tightened, if you felt like it!

You might know this song:



Cheers,
John

[Macavity]

Agree with John on those opening two stanzas, though I'd cut L3. Love the surprise in your poetry.

[CalebPerry]

There are some interesting images in the poem.

I'm not sure why the man is motherless, and whether the mother is being blamed for being absent, or whether she is being praised because she is needed. I guess I'm saying that I'm not sure what point of the poem is.

[ton321]

Thanks for the replies. I agree the first 2 stanzas seem better. Another drawer piece I think

Tony

[camus]

I'm not sure why the man is motherless

Caleb, I'm guessing it's not a specific man! but 'man' as a whole, that irrefutable connection to in-utero and the inevitable search for self once that connection is lost?

On that note, yes the first stanzas worked well, then you drifted into self=pity...

Definitely one to work one.

Cheers
Kris