Poetry Forum

I had a poem published in a poetry zine
that happened to be seen by my missus.
She’s now my in-residence poetry critic
and scolds me freely without punctuation,
enjambment or pauses, because I used the real name
of our daughter’s teacher in the poem.
It’s very unprofessional, she moans –
since when was I a professional poet?

I said sorry for my error, but she’d not finished.
Why on Earth does your bio distinguish
between our birth and our adopted children?
Ray Miller has eight kids, four bios, four non-bios.
It sounds like they are second class citizens
or are you just waving the flag of virtue?
Not waving, but drowning, my darling one,
an allusion I know she won’t pick up on.

I didn’t want readers to think I was Catholic
or careless, the adopted are intended
to recompense for the others. Anyway,
I don’t use that bio any longer –
as I said it I wished I’d bitten my tongue off.
For of course, she wanted to view the successor
which states, I’m a Socialist, Aston Villa supporter
and faithful husband. Life has been a disappointment.

It was funny at one time, but I’m laughing less –
no Socialism, no Football, and now no sex.

Amusing Ray. I presume this poem hasn't gone through the 'censor'!

I suspect most 'professional' poets have an income through creative writing courses or academia. The reality as opposed to the fiction. I wondered, for whatever reason, since when was I a professional dad?

I had a poem published in a footie ezine

Or

She’s now my in-residence workshop critic

of our daughter’s teacher in a line.

To reduce repetition of poem/poetry.

Good idea for a poem, well put together. Especially enjoyed the Stevie Smith reference and the Catholic or careless, well all of it really.

Does the following require some punctuation?

which states, I’m a Socialist, Aston Villa supporter
and faithful husband. Life has been a disappointment.

which states: I’m a Socialist, Aston Villa supporter
and faithful husband. Life has been a disappointment.

That's what I'd do, but I don't know shit about punctuation, I just make it up as i go along.

A wry poem Ray, almost cutting! I'm sure your Missus is used to it.

Good stuff.

Thanks both. I'm considering the changes, Phil. Kris, isn't what you suggest exactly the same as I already have?

To me, this poem sounds extraordinarily prosaic. I know that I write prosaic poetry myself, but I try to put at least a little lyricism in my poems, and I'm just not seeing any lyricism in this poem.

Thanks, Caleb. Life remains a disappointment.

Enjoyed Ray, but I’m not sure that any wife of yours would not pick up on the allusion, ‘Not waving, but drowning, …’.

Cheers,

Tristan

Firebird wrote: ↑

Thu May 16, 2024 3:21 pm

Enjoyed Ray, but I’m not sure that any wife of yours would not pick up on the allusion, ‘Not waving, but drowning, …’.

Cheers,

Tristan

I thought about testing this out, but that's just gonna get me in more trouble. My wife knows very little about poetry, even less about football. Her favourite TV programme is Masterchef. I rest my case.