The boulevard of broken dreams.

[ton321]

Bogart, Dean, Monroe
Cancer, accident, suicide knew
this street ran straight and true.

I have walked upon it many times.
It always rains. The pavement shines
brown or gold, is stained with leaves.

No one lends a hand. Each for their own.
There is a silence that is sown.
When you walk you are alone.

I’m the last one there when crowds disperse.
I am the coffin and the hearse.
I am the cough and the curse.

No one looks back at me
because they believe the history.
I am the one you cannot see.

It glitters red it glitters black
and splashes upon my back,
all the answers that they lack.

[ray miller]

I'd consider removing first and last stanzas. First one sounds a bit too contrived and portentous and I'm not sure the last one is adding much.I enjoyed the rest, particularly the sown silence. You might change the order of the hearse/curse lines.

[ton321]

Thanks Ray

I added the first stanza as an afterthought and maybe it should have stayed that way

Tony

[NotQuiteSure]

Hi Tony,
agree with ray (again) about the first and last verses. Reads, to me, like it's missing a chorus or refrain.

Just a thought


It always rains. The many times
I have walked down it pavement shines
brown or gold, is stained with leaves. ......... (the 'is stained ...' is tricky to parse - not to mention it doesn't rhyme with times/shines! )

There is a silence that is sown.
No doors are open. Each for their own.
When you walk you are alone.

I’m the last one there when crowds disperse.
I am the coffin and the hearse.
I am the cough and the curse. ................. agree with ray on switching these tow lines, and what's 'the cough'?

No one looks back at me
I am the one you cannot see
because they believe the history ............. not sure about this line (and maybe you need a stronger end verse. Even the Bogart etc might be better.)

Regards, Not

.

[AnnaBonjourCadenza]

No one lends a hand. Each for their own.
There is a silence that is sown.
When you walk you are alone.

I’m the last one there when crowds disperse.
I am the coffin and the hearse.
I am the cough and the curse.

Hi Tony!
I enjoyed this poem! It sets such a strong tone.
The rhythm feels fairly consistent except for these two stanzas.
You could try:
"None lends a hand," and "I'm left alone when crowds disperse," or some other rewording to shorten those lines a little.

Anna

[ton321]

Hi Anna, thanks for the suggestions
Tony