This is a poetic summary of a letter from the classical composer Hector Berlioz. His over-dramatic style made me laugh, and it was begging for a poem!
Dear Friend,
I hardly know what now to write,
for surely you grow tired of my woes.
And yet my love for Juliet still grows!
Unhappy woman! Hell repeat thy name!
Reason has abandoned me to weep
beneath Ophelia’s scorn—I fail to sleep!
Though Reason says, “Be tranquil, this shall pass,”
Illimitable love devours me still!
I cannot rest from sorrow if I will.
My friend, your friendship always has been true
and mine for you lives up to all I owe,
but it will not bring calm and joy to you
that can be found yet, far from volcanoes.
Your dear, tormented,
Hector Berlioz
A Letter from Berlioz
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NotQuiteSure
- Perspicacious Poster
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- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm
Hi Anna,
I like it, but (given your introductory note) don't find it quite melodramatic enough!
For me he needs to wallow far deeper in self-pity.
Dear Friend,
I hardly know what now to write, ................ Not keen on the opening, 'Dear Friend' is too anonymous. I think you might need a (first) name (at least.) But 'I hardly know ... ' becomes funnier on the second read.
for surely you grow tired of my woes. ........... how could you deny 'weary'?
And yet my love for Juliet still grows! .......... For 'Juliet' read 'Harriet'? I think this comes too soon. 'Woes' needs to be taken to still greater histrionic heights.
Alternatively.
How burdensome my love it grows ?
Unhappy woman! Hell repeat thy name! ...... Paused a bit here. Wasn't sure if the 'unhappy woman' was the friend.
Reason has abandoned me to weep
beneath Ophelia’s scorn—I fail to sleep! ...... Don't really get the Ophelia reference (nod to suicide?) I wondered, given sleep (surely Macbeth?) if perhaps it might be Hypnos' scorn?
Though Reason says, “Be tranquil, this shall pass,” .... and if Hypnos, then Reason could become Athena
Illimitable love devours me still!
I cannot rest from sorrow if I will. ............... if I will what? Baffled.
My friend, your friendship always has been true ........ two more reasons to change the opening Friend.
and mine for you lives up to all I owe,
but it will not bring calm and joy to you
that can be found yet, far from volcanoes............. last two lines need work. The 'volcanoes' seem to come out of nowhere. If you're set on it then Berlioz Writes a Letter about Volcanoes might make for a title?
Your dear, tormented,
Hector Berlioz .............. volcanoes/Berlioz nice.
Regards, Not
.
I like it, but (given your introductory note) don't find it quite melodramatic enough!
For me he needs to wallow far deeper in self-pity.
Dear Friend,
I hardly know what now to write, ................ Not keen on the opening, 'Dear Friend' is too anonymous. I think you might need a (first) name (at least.) But 'I hardly know ... ' becomes funnier on the second read.
for surely you grow tired of my woes. ........... how could you deny 'weary'?
And yet my love for Juliet still grows! .......... For 'Juliet' read 'Harriet'? I think this comes too soon. 'Woes' needs to be taken to still greater histrionic heights.
Alternatively.
How burdensome my love it grows ?
Unhappy woman! Hell repeat thy name! ...... Paused a bit here. Wasn't sure if the 'unhappy woman' was the friend.
Reason has abandoned me to weep
beneath Ophelia’s scorn—I fail to sleep! ...... Don't really get the Ophelia reference (nod to suicide?) I wondered, given sleep (surely Macbeth?) if perhaps it might be Hypnos' scorn?
Though Reason says, “Be tranquil, this shall pass,” .... and if Hypnos, then Reason could become Athena
Illimitable love devours me still!
I cannot rest from sorrow if I will. ............... if I will what? Baffled.
My friend, your friendship always has been true ........ two more reasons to change the opening Friend.
and mine for you lives up to all I owe,
but it will not bring calm and joy to you
that can be found yet, far from volcanoes............. last two lines need work. The 'volcanoes' seem to come out of nowhere. If you're set on it then Berlioz Writes a Letter about Volcanoes might make for a title?
Your dear, tormented,
Hector Berlioz .............. volcanoes/Berlioz
nice.Regards, Not
.
Hi Anna
The owe/volcanoes/Berlioz proves you have an ear. The formalist approach, a sonnet written in iambic pentameter, is a traditional ambition and challenge. Not sure what your metre ambitions are here. I think the stress pattern for volcano is volCAno. I believe Hamlet had scorn for most, including Ophelia (who was one of his victims).
Hope that helps some
Which contemporary poets are you reading Anna?
Mac
The owe/volcanoes/Berlioz proves you have an ear. The formalist approach, a sonnet written in iambic pentameter, is a traditional ambition and challenge. Not sure what your metre ambitions are here. I think the stress pattern for volcano is volCAno. I believe Hamlet had scorn for most, including Ophelia (who was one of his victims).
Hope that helps some
Which contemporary poets are you reading Anna?
Mac
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AnnaBonjourCadenza
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2024 3:37 am
Berlioz was in love with an English actress who he'd seen play Juliet and Ophelia, so he referred to her by those names.
Not,
How could I miss "weary?"
And you're definitely right about adding the name. I think I was avoiding it because I assumed the audience was not familiar with the letter, but in retrospect, the name wouldn't really pose a problem in that respect.
The volcano line in the letter was why I wanted to write the poem! There's no other volcano reference in the letter (that I know of), but you're right. Some volcanic imagery earlier on would set that up nicely.
I'm going to give this another go with some more drama!
Mac,
I am a pretty uneducated poet so far, but I'm working on it. I'm a big fan of Mary Oliver! Otherwise, I've mostly read older poets. I'm working my way through an anthology introducing English poets from the 1500-1918.
I would love some contemporary recommendations. I don't know where to start!
Thank you both so much!
Anna
Not,
How could I miss "weary?"
And you're definitely right about adding the name. I think I was avoiding it because I assumed the audience was not familiar with the letter, but in retrospect, the name wouldn't really pose a problem in that respect.
The volcano line in the letter was why I wanted to write the poem! There's no other volcano reference in the letter (that I know of), but you're right. Some volcanic imagery earlier on would set that up nicely.
I'm going to give this another go with some more drama!
Mac,
I am a pretty uneducated poet so far, but I'm working on it. I'm a big fan of Mary Oliver! Otherwise, I've mostly read older poets. I'm working my way through an anthology introducing English poets from the 1500-1918.
I would love some contemporary recommendations. I don't know where to start!
Thank you both so much!
Anna
Hi Anna,
A neat, little book on the soundscape of poems is Robert Pinsky's
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-so ... 1114508470
There are only so many hours in a day and there are so many poets. Perhaps, for a month or two, stop reading any historical poetry, and focus on C20 onwards. You will find a more equal representation of women poets and more contemporary models to develop your craft. There are plenty of resources
online:
https://beta.poetryfoundation.org/poems ... 2211503b6c
https://poetryarchive.org/poem/cave-fish/
https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.u ... -knitting/
https://mslexia.co.uk/magazine/blog/how-to-edit-a-poem/
I keep a thread of poems I find online. You are welcome to start your own:
viewtopic.php?t=24037&start=375
Plenty of online magazines:
https://autumnskypoetrydaily.com/
https://atriumpoetry.com/
A neat, little book on the soundscape of poems is Robert Pinsky's
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-so ... 1114508470
There are only so many hours in a day and there are so many poets. Perhaps, for a month or two, stop reading any historical poetry, and focus on C20 onwards. You will find a more equal representation of women poets and more contemporary models to develop your craft. There are plenty of resources
online:
https://beta.poetryfoundation.org/poems ... 2211503b6c
https://poetryarchive.org/poem/cave-fish/
https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.u ... -knitting/
https://mslexia.co.uk/magazine/blog/how-to-edit-a-poem/
I keep a thread of poems I find online. You are welcome to start your own:
viewtopic.php?t=24037&start=375
Plenty of online magazines:
https://autumnskypoetrydaily.com/
https://atriumpoetry.com/