Why she writes

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camus
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Fri Oct 04, 2024 9:41 pm

Because talking is exhausting.
Should I meet you in a pub or
at the summit of Mam Tor,
I will not engage you with witticisms,
you will not order another drink
just to stay in my company
nor tighten your hood
and stride away across that vital ridge
thinking; that’s the very girl for me.

No. I will unimpress you,
undoubtedly.
BUT should you leave me your address
for whatever obscure reasoning of the
universe, perhaps under a beer mat
or pinned to the Mam Tor trig point
I will write you a letter and you will
fall hopelessly in love with me,
definitely.
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Macavity
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Sat Oct 05, 2024 9:23 am

I can relate to this. A friend prefers a phonecall, but I prefer a more editorial medium. I find chat phonecalls 'exhausting'. Walking is much better than talking, though I avoid any adventurous 'ridges'. Do you need 'me thinking'? The 'under a beer mat' was a Bob Mortimer, which is a good thing. Enjoyed.
NotQuiteSure
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Sun Oct 06, 2024 3:21 pm

Hi Kris,
enjoyed, but was confused by the break between the verses. S2 seems to start at BUT, not before.
I didn't find either the opening two lines of S2, nor 'of the universe' necessary.

Small thoughts ...


Because talking is exhausting
if I met you in a pub
or at the summit of Mam Tor,
I'd not engage with witticisms,
and you'd not order another drink
just to stay in my company
nor tighten your hood and stride away
across that vital ridge thinking;
that’s the very girl for me.

BUT should you leave me your address
slipped, perhaps, under a beer mat
or pinned to the Mam Tor trig point
I'll write you a letter, and before you
know it you will be hopelessly in love
with me

Regards, Not

.
ton321
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Thu Oct 10, 2024 1:43 am

Kris

Nice idea. for a poem. Not sure you need "definitely" at the end. Without the word "because" at the start makes the piece infinitely better
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.

Robert Graves
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camus
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Fri Oct 11, 2024 11:55 pm

Thanks dudes, some pruning to be done.

Mac

Do you need 'me thinking' If i could find it, I'd ponder it. Sorry, not certain about that?

Not,

Some good points but:
and before you
know it
Fuck, NO!

Tony,
Not sure you need "definitely" at the end. Without the word "because" at the start makes the piece infinitely better
Definitely - definitely. I also agree about "because" to a point. Like saying the reader is intelligent enough to not require a "because"

I get yawl just don't mutually agree.

Cheers
Kris
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Macavity
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Sat Oct 12, 2024 6:47 am


me thinking; that’s the very girl.

Just an intuition.
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camus
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Sat Oct 12, 2024 9:41 am

Got it!
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