Because talking is exhausting.
Should I meet you in a pub or
at the summit of Mam Tor,
I will not engage you with witticisms,
you will not order another drink
just to stay in my company
nor tighten your hood
and stride away across that vital ridge
thinking; that’s the very girl for me.
No. I will unimpress you,
undoubtedly.
BUT should you leave me your address
for whatever obscure reasoning of the
universe, perhaps under a beer mat
or pinned to the Mam Tor trig point
I will write you a letter and you will
fall hopelessly in love with me,
definitely.
Why she writes
I can relate to this. A friend prefers a phonecall, but I prefer a more editorial medium. I find chat phonecalls 'exhausting'. Walking is much better than talking, though I avoid any adventurous 'ridges'. Do you need 'me thinking'? The 'under a beer mat' was a Bob Mortimer, which is a good thing. Enjoyed.
-
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 3660
- Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 4:05 pm
Hi Kris,
enjoyed, but was confused by the break between the verses. S2 seems to start at BUT, not before.
I didn't find either the opening two lines of S2, nor 'of the universe' necessary.
Small thoughts ...
Because talking is exhausting
if I met you in a pub
or at the summit of Mam Tor,
I'd not engage with witticisms,
and you'd not order another drink
just to stay in my company
nor tighten your hood and stride away
across that vital ridge thinking;
that’s the very girl for me.
BUT should you leave me your address
slipped, perhaps, under a beer mat
or pinned to the Mam Tor trig point
I'll write you a letter, and before you
know it you will be hopelessly in love
with me
Regards, Not
.
enjoyed, but was confused by the break between the verses. S2 seems to start at BUT, not before.
I didn't find either the opening two lines of S2, nor 'of the universe' necessary.
Small thoughts ...
Because talking is exhausting
if I met you in a pub
or at the summit of Mam Tor,
I'd not engage with witticisms,
and you'd not order another drink
just to stay in my company
nor tighten your hood and stride away
across that vital ridge thinking;
that’s the very girl for me.
BUT should you leave me your address
slipped, perhaps, under a beer mat
or pinned to the Mam Tor trig point
I'll write you a letter, and before you
know it you will be hopelessly in love
with me
Regards, Not
.
Kris
Nice idea. for a poem. Not sure you need "definitely" at the end. Without the word "because" at the start makes the piece infinitely better
Tony
Nice idea. for a poem. Not sure you need "definitely" at the end. Without the word "because" at the start makes the piece infinitely better
Tony
Counting the beats,
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
Counting the slow heart beats,
The bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats,
Wakeful they lie.
Robert Graves
- camus
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 5448
- Joined: Tue Jul 13, 2004 12:51 am
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- Location: Grimbia
- Contact:
Thanks dudes, some pruning to be done.
Mac
Do you need 'me thinking' If i could find it, I'd ponder it. Sorry, not certain about that?
Not,
Some good points but:
Tony,
I get yawl just don't mutually agree.
Cheers
Kris
Mac
Do you need 'me thinking' If i could find it, I'd ponder it. Sorry, not certain about that?
Not,
Some good points but:
Fuck, NO!and before you
know it
Tony,
Definitely - definitely. I also agree about "because" to a point. Like saying the reader is intelligent enough to not require a "because"Not sure you need "definitely" at the end. Without the word "because" at the start makes the piece infinitely better
I get yawl just don't mutually agree.
Cheers
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk