Poetry Forum

I tried to beat a train's straight line
on a bent gravel lane in a pickup.
Brightness scraped my right shoulder,
overcame me, rails taunted in howls.

Trains only get in the way, I said.
Whose idea was it to lay tracks
across the U.S. anyway? she asked.
as her eyes flashed green and grey

with the velvet red warning lights
warming her face as they blinked.
But then our train became a slide show
from the side that glided nowhere

as we shifted forty miles per hour
to the left. The striped arms locked
her and I to delay us from wherever,
as we counted the rattles of cars.

We watched vessels of steel sails,
freights tilting in the wind, we rode
just outside the covered coach at night,
afraid that these white arms might
soon lift, returning us to the real-time.

From racing to surrealising - From irritating to entrancing (the train) -an entertaining journey.

'rails taunted in howls' - (taunting and haunting, I'd say.) Good line.

'the U.S. anyway' Was this deliberate? the USA - the US anyway. Subtle either way!

I like the drift into the semi-dream world -

'But then our train became a slide show
from the side that glided nowhere

as we shifted forty miles per hour
to the left. The striped arms locked
her and I to delay us from wherever,
as we counted the rattles of cars.

We watched vessels of steel sails,
freights tilting in the wind, we rode
just outside the covered coach at night,' - A scene that most of us will relate to in our own imaginings.

I love train poems and songs (not the chuffer crap), the surreal, bluesy stuff - how much less would Sonny Terry and co., or blues guitar have sounded without the train whistle and steady rhythms as guides. Johny B Good n'other stuff, all locomotive driven!

'afraid that these white arms might
soon lift, returning us to the real-time.' - the impending (reluctant) return.

Sad ending Caleb, but unfortunately necessary for most, this 'real-time'.

good one

Barrie

Hmmm. Good language. Nice picture.

I liked the ending, actually. I'll have to read through it once or twice more to find something I really didn't care for. Good schtuff.

Cheers,

K.

I enjoyed this one too Caleb.
My favourite train song is about Harriet Tubman (years spent at rallies with my mum's socialist women's choir called Euridice)- bit of a stretch of the train metaphor perhaps, but I think of it every time I think of trains.

Harriet Tubman

One night I dreamed I was in slavery, 'bout 1850 was the time
Sorrow was the only sign, with nothing around to ease my mind.
Out of the night appeared a lady leading a distant pilgrim band
First mate, she cried pointing her hand, make room aboard for this young woman!

Singing
Come on up, I got a lifeline
Come on up to this train of mine
Come on up, I got a lifeline
Come on up to this train of mine
She said her name was Harriet Tubman
And she drove for the Underground Railroad


Hundreds of miles, we traveled onward gathering slaves from town to town
Seeking all the lost and found and setting those free that once were bound
Somehow my heart was growing weaker, I fell by the wayside sinking sand
Firmly did this lady stand, she lifted me up and took my hand

Singing
Come on up, I got a lifeline
Come on up to this train of mine
Come on up, I got a lifeline
Come on up to this train of mine.
She said her name was Harriet Tubman
And she drove for the underground railroad.

Who are these children dressed in red?
They must be the ones that Moses led
Singing who are these children dressed in red?
They must be the ones that Moses led

Singing
Come on up, I got a lifeline
Come on up to this train of mine
Come on up, I got a lifeline
Come on up to this train of mine.
She said her name was Harriet Tubman
And she drove for the underground railroad.

Rachel

Paints a beautiful picture. I can imagine the gravel track and railway running side by side through a desert, and i picture the sun setting. Very exciting

Just remembered a song that really takes on the sound of a train - 'Man of Constant Sorrow' Band version, by Dan Tyminski; Soggy Bottom Boys - from the soundtrack of 'O Brother Where Art Thou'.

cheers

Barrie

Also,

Hey Porter
Orange Blossom Special
Folsom Prison Blues

All by Johnny Cash.

Thanks guys and gals.

Johnny Cash has had some great Train songs, Folsom Prison Blues my favorite from the ones you listed Keith.

Rach thanks for the Harriet Tubman song, wish I'd heard it before, so I knew the tune.

Barrie, haha the United States of Anyway...hadn't caught that at all. How quirky. And yes the Oh Brother Where Art Thou Soundtrack was responsible for my liking of bluegrass music. It's so good. Something about the harmonica and acoustic guitar invites us to think about the coal-powered trains.

Dood you've started a Train thing! which can only be good.

Some memorable lines:

"I tried to beat a train's straight line
on a bent gravel lane in a pickup." excellent

"We watched vessels of steel sails,
freights tilting in the wind" oh yes.

Good stuff, although i wonder about your line breaks? Were they studied, or did lines just come to an end?

I'd be interested to know - for the notebook in my head. That gets wiped all too often.

cheers
Kris

I suppose that you have to be really careful with line breaks in a train poem.

Good story, great ending - that sense of being removed from the everyday world, while knowing it's about to come back any minute now ...

Somehow American train stories are more romantic than British ones. More places to go, I suppose, and we don't really have that rambling hobo tradition.

Tis good, indeed tis.

David

Kris - funny you should mention the line breaks, I was contemplating those when I put it together. It started out shaped more like

-------
------------
---------

-------------------
---------
--------------
---

-----------------
-------

and so on. But the more I played around, I got it into a shape more or less. A little strained, but only by playing with the lines after I had the text nailed down. I don't know if it makes much of a difference.

David - thanks. Yeah that rambling hobo tradition is so great for poetic purposes - Homer and Virgil were able to use it quite effectively...it might be one of the only things Americans exclusively have in common with that tradition. But then there is that wandering nomad theme that keeps showing up in the Middle Eastern tales and texts so I dunno. Shouldn't generalize, should I...

- Caleb