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blue
Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 11:26 am
by Yesterday
paper dolls stare down from the shelf
ever watching,
the blue bedspread pulled straight
thomas-tankengine faces smiling,
the constant breeze is gone,
the dust has settled
toy trucks litter the floor.
Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:23 am
by ty gorton
really enjoy the precise images created here.
I do feel that "the constant breeze is gone" is your impact line...your last line. I've restructured the poem to show how this might be done.
<i>paper dolls stare down from the shelf
ever watching,
the blue bedspread pulled straight<b>,</b>
thomas-tankengine faces smiling.
toy trucks litter the floor,
the dust has settled,
the constant breeze is gone.</i>
Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 10:47 am
by Yesterday
Paper dolls stare down from the shelf
ever watching.
the blue bedspread pulled straight,
Thomas-tankengine faces smiling.
toy trucks littler the floor,
the dust has settled,
the constant breeze is gone.
yes i like it better this way, too, maybe i just need someone to have another look at it for me to relise this