Poetry Forum

Here we go again,
just a couple of old guys
on a mild night out,

two tranquil husbands
unleashed with little risk. We
won't get up to much.

What are we having?
Two pints please, if not John Smiths
or local Yokells,

some exotic guest -
Frisky Housemaid, Witch's Fart
or Satan's Squitters.

We'll find a corner,
beyond the gaudy patter
of the fruit machine,

for conversation,
remaking the weeks we've had
in our own image.

Making it better,
my mother used to call it,
kissing where it hurt,

and that's what this is -
the healing balm and boost
of beer and sympathy.

Nice. The squitters and witch's kind of hung me up syllabically.

The last haiku was great, even though its a bit stretched...

Cheers,

Keith

Some great observations, the haiku structure works well:

Liked "on a mild night out" and its double meaning.

2, 5 and 8 are my favs.

Nice work.

aye, the haiku format suits you well

how about another first line? That's about all that needs changing.

My favorite of yours.

- Caleb

Thanks chaps.

In response, first of all I'd like to pay passing tribute (again, I think) to this site. Before I stumbled in here I was a confirmed rhymer, and something of a martinet in terms of metre as well. Hadn't dabbled much in the freeer stuff at all. (Three e's - can that be right? Anyway ...)

Lately, however, I've found myself led away from that into less regimented routines. It's been enlightening, and quite stimulating too.

So - Poets' Graves broadens the mind. I believe that's true, although I don't expect to be putting it on a T-shirt any time soon.

The other (another) thing I like is the sense of community. When a poem gets a response from, say, AS and camus and pseud, you know, in part at least, where they're coming from, what they like, and what they do themselves. It sort of anchors the criticisms in a meaningful background.

This is different from other sites I've seen where - possibly because they're bigger, with more beginners (and, it seems to me, more embittered and twisted elders) - there doesn't seem to be any sense of continuity or consistency in the responses you get. Not much sense of genuine well-wishing either, which I think is palpable here.

Anyway, apologies for that long preamble ... haikus! Yes, haikus. I've never tried haikus before. (You see what I mean about the Circe-like influence of this site.) Tricky little buggers, aren't they.

This is actually my response to Keith's excellent haiku rut of a few weeks back. I said I'd do this, and I have. The differences are instructive, though. Whether for reasons of age, or location, or temperament, his night out seems a fair bit more exciting than mine.

In fact, although I have to be careful with my similes, my Springsteen one at the time being notably unsuccessful, I think his resembles an Aerosmith video, whereas mine is more like an episode of Last of the Summer Wine. Which would be just a bit depressing - I can't stand Last of the Summer Wine - if it weren't for the fact that I do enjoy my village nights out.

Thanks for your thoughts, guys. I'm taking them into account, because you'll see that I've called this part 1. It's not going to be an epic, but I did think there was going to be more. However, having got to this point, I seemed to have finished, for the moment at least.

I've not stopped. I'm just resting.

Cheers,
David

Hats off, David, I really enjoyed this.
I'm envious though - your local sounds quite - here it's all juke-boxes
and MTV.

Beer and sympathy? More like Gnat's Piss and Bullshit

Geoff

Nice one David. Sounds like my kind of night out. I particularly liked:

"remaking the weeks we've had
in our own image. "

Shame about wearing the T shirt because I was thinking of getting some made up:

"Poets' Graves - you don't have to be dead but it helps!"

What do you think?

These days I never have more than 3.5 pints of an evening in order to avoid waking up in the morning with a headache or having to get up for a pee in the night. Not very Aerosmith I'm afraid.

Cam

PS steer clear of John Smiths

I agree. Your local does sound good. My town is a myriad of themed bars and places you just don't go to unless your constructed of cast iron or you know someone in there who is.
An enjoyable read too. Certainly made the ancient art of haiku seem less intimidating to a mere beginner such as myself. Good stuff!

"Poets' Graves - you don't have to be dead but it helps!"

Classic.

Can I have a teeshirt in place of the bookmark I didn't collect?

I've enjoyed reading this over and over. I empathise completely - the surpring thing is how it sneaks up on you - A few months ago I was still hell-raising, then I realise that the 'few months ago' was really well over a decade ago....Ah, well!

What you lose is more than made up for in new gains.

The verses with all the meaning were the first two -

'Here we go again,
just a couple of old guys
on a mild night out,

two tranquil husbands
unleashed with little risk. We
won't get up to much.'

Says it all really, and the last verse sums it all up!

well done

Barrie

Thanks for the further remarks, everyone. I'm afraid I stand guilty of a certain amount of poetic licence. My local is not exactly the pristine tavern that I seem to have suggested, although it's fairly friendly and you can usually hold a decent conversation there (apart from karaoke night - to be avoided).

We have a similar rule to yours, Cam - four pints is OK (even though Sarah, my friendly neighbourhood practice nurse, assures me it actually qualifies as binge drinking ... binge drinking, me!). Anything beyond that is definitely a pint too far, and if we get onto the whisky then we really suffer the day after.

If we do go for the whisky, though, we usually stick to Bells or something similarly unexceptionable, ever since my old mate Bill, late one night and in all innocence (four beaming pints of it), accosted an unfamiliar barmaid with: "Do you have a Black Bush?" She declined to answer, to say the least.

Prost!
David