Poetry Forum

Now take my hand
down by the sand
we'll build a mountain to scale
if you should call
i'll break your fall
you my friend will never fail

Sorry Bonza old chap, but this doesn't really do anything for me. The rhymes are rather predictable, the subject matter uninspiring and, to cap it all, the last line sounds incredibly forced.

Cheers
Cam

PS you'd probably be better off posting this in "beginners".

we'll build a mountain to scale

Sounds an interesting concept. That captured me, the rest as Cam said, is rather predictable.

shoot again.

cheers
Kris