Poetry Forum

Jeremy bled out slowly among the pork loins:
a steel shank suicide. Slow and gentle as though
he had no soul to shed—the holes he’d made were
big enough, Lord knows—meat cleavers make for extremely
effective wrist-slitters.

But he just trickled out and down,
onto those institutional tiles designed for quick clean up,
for seamless sterilization.

It wasn’t really a bad way to go.

We cut him up in the morning—
racked and hooked him with the lamb shanks
and various veal cutlets—served him to the
tourists who don’t talk English good.

what fun.

love that last line, i have no crits to offer.

Blood and meat - a real treat.

'Jeremy bled out slowly among the pork loins:' - Grabbed my attention (What the Hell's this about!) 'Slowly' and 'loins' go together like sausage and beans.

'a steel shank suicide.' There's a generous sprinkling of sibilants throughout that give the poem a sinister effect.

'................—meat cleavers make for extremely
effective wrist-slitters.' - This sounds a bit too bland for me (maybe it's just the 'extremely effective' bit).

The next verse was the best, echoes of 'Hospital Halls' in there somewhere -

'But he just trickled out and down,
onto those institutional tiles designed for quick clean up,
for seamless sterilization.'

'It wasn’t really a bad way to go.' - Not sure that this really needed.

Shades of 'Sweeney Todd' in the final verse; loved this one -

'We cut him up in the morning—
racked and hooked him with the lamb shanks
and various veal cutlets—served him to the
tourists who don’t talk English good.'

Sweeney Todd made pies with his victims. You never know what you're really getting from a butchers do you? The Pacific Islanders didn't call human meat 'long pig' for nothing...next time were crunching on crackling.....

The last line summed up how all locals see tourists.

Tasty as sweet and sour pork!

Good one

Barrie

I wondered where Mr Hyde had got to...

I agree with Barrie - shades of Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of
Fleet Street, with maybe shades of the Godfather and Long Good Friday.

On a technical point , a meat-cleaver IMHO is not an efficient
wrist-slitter. (No, I'm not going tot try it!)
From vague and ancient memories of my time as a butcher's boy while still at school, they are mostly for cutting through bone (as when making chops) or working with frozen meat. Perhaps "boning knife" ? - it sounds just as gruesome.

Is this Mario Puzo's parable of
"He who lives by the sword dies by the sword"?

Intriguing and gruesomely matter-of-fact.
Geoff

Cracking (almost crackling) first line. Jeremy, though? Are there many American Jeremys? Jeremiahs, maybe. What's in a name, I know, but why Jeremy?

I agree with Barrie about the last line of the first verse. A bit dull, compared to what's gone before.

Good black stuff. Racking hooking and serving him doesn't seem disrespectful at all. A good Viking funeral for a chieftain.

David

Jeremy was a Pearl Jam reference...oodles of Jeremies out here. Sweeney Todd was the intention.

Might have to rethink my choices in cutlery.

Cheers,

Hyde.

Jeremy was a Pearl Jam reference...oodles of Jeremies out here. Sweeney Todd was the intention.

Might have to rethink my choices in cutlery.

Cheers,

Hyde.

aah, the lost art of cutlery

a brutal work, even in its simplicity. i especially appreciate the alliterative power of:

a steel shank suicide. Slow and gentle as though
he had no soul to shed

the subtext of a butcher-style suicide in these surroundings speaks to the desensitization often brought about by our environment.