Poetry Forum

There was no rising numbness arsewise,
or otherwise,
as I sat on the wall
with the other‘Dummkopfe’,
waiting.

Maybe I should stand on my head
to feel the sandstone dampness
thud my brain,
like some sparring session
that juddered my head
in the seventies?

Headaches at dawn
like potcheen hang-overs;
shitty egg and bacon mornings
in down-town Bremen’s choicest.

Then up north to Hamburg for a couple
of swift wins or nots,
just to keep the interest trickling;
ignoring all the late night challengers,
would-be muggers,
or Strassenbahn passengers, who kept
all the good news to themselves.

For whatever reason this is fun to read aloud.

I think you've captured something I've tried and failed to capture several times - good catch. That "I couldn't care less about just about everything" feeling...

would-be muggers was a nice touch...

- Caleb

Thanks Caleb.

Glad it rung a bell - that's how I felt.

Barrie

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There was no rising numbness arsewise,
or otherwise,
as I sat on the wall
with the other‘Dummkopfe’,
waiting. - like this in italics

Maybe I should stand on my head
to feel the sandstone dampness
thud my brain,
like some sparring session
that juddered my head
in the seventies? - love this whole stanza

Headaches at dawn
like potcheen hang-overs;
shitty egg and bacon mornings
in down-town Bremen’s choicest.

Then up north to Hamburg for a couple
of swift wins or nots,
just to keep the interest trickling;
ignoring all the late night challengers,
would-be muggers,
or Strassenbahn passengers, who kept
all the good news to themselves. - very strong!!

Really enjoy this one, not much to offer I'm afraid.

This could be about someone stuck in a rut, missing the adrenalin rush.
But there seems to be a dark undercurrent:

"would be muggers"
- suggests that the subject would welcome a fight,
not to mention the "good news" that appears to be missing from his life.
(Hope he doesn't bump into a Jehovah's witness - it could end in tears...)

Something about it made me think of wartime stories I've read where
soldiers, invalided from the front but feeling guilty, go out on self-destructive sprees drinking and looking for fights.

Intriguing
Geoff

Cyril,

While I don't entirely get it, I will say I loved the third stanza.

Perhaps in need of some clarifying.


Cheers,

Meschach

Thanks for the comments all.

Ty - One 'I' is definitely better than two - thanks for that.

Geoff - In a way you're right about someone being stuck in a rut. The adrenalin rush is not being missed though.

Keith - It's about unlicenced fighting. (I preferred the third verse too).

cheers all

Eric....is it, no..it's..Barrie.