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[Arcadian]

[dillingworth]

Couple of things:
1. I think the first stanza is a bit weak, is it even needed? Doesn't really say anything that can't be said in prose.
2. pastry not pastery.
3. I liked the idea of a mask - commonly could be seen as cliche but not rendered so here.

[ty gorton]

[] delete () add

Always nice to see you
and say hello - ask
where you are going ?
or to share the seat
beside you
and talk about
mundane matters. i like this opening, nice setup

When your lips move,
your face as if
cast in plaster,
cracks from your set
ritual of daily work -
the professional demeanour,
the made-up mask you put on. - this stanza is broken in my opinion, i think you need to take the same IDEAS presented and rewrite the entire thing so if flows and grabs like the rest of the poem

Your eyes glow as a lantern;
radiates interest for a moment
then squint, lids lower
like shades to make
(thoughts private) [private your thoughts]. - "private your thoughts" is too clever here, go more direct

You ease in the passenger seat,
plug the ear-phones -
view the i-pod settings
then run fingers through
some loose brunette strands. -good

Then gaze outwards, letting
thoughts travel where
they will settle
at the Bakery House
with other friends -
the danish pastery,
the cafe latte
and the corner table
where you normally sit
and watch crowds idle by.- strong finish!!!