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The Worm
Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 1:23 am
by khansaa
The Worm
A valiant knight that will not barter
rest for toil,
the plodding hours
of sieve and strain,
for a Protection Act.
Steadily it silts the debris of the underworld.
Bold Intestines of the Earth!
It fills it’s yearly quota
(Of a ton or so) of fertile soil
and waits with five
intrepid hearts,
In cryptic store rooms
For its molar foe.
Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 2:10 am
by barrie
Not a wasted word - so effective in its simplicity and brevity.
'and waits with five
intrepid hearts,
In cryptic store rooms
For its molar foe.'
Great last line!
I have one question - This should be posted in the experienced section - Do you want it moved?
Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 8:04 am
by cameron
Yes, very nice khansaa.
The only bit I had a problem with was "valiant knight". This sounds rather cliched to me and doesn't work (I think) as a description of a worm. Can you think of something better?
"molar foe" though was excellent.
I agree with Baz; it should be posted in the "experienced" forum.
Cheers
Cam
Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 12:11 pm
by benjywenjy
I really like it, it's very burlesque nature, describing something as humble as a worm in such grand language, great way of making people think.
I agree as well, this should be in the experienced section
benjy
Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 12:54 pm
by cameron
How about "valiant invertebrate"?
Posted: Tue May 30, 2006 9:00 pm
by khansaa
Barrie, Cam, and Benjy, Hi !
and thanks a lot for the kind words.
Barrie I don't think I'm experienced enough, but if it means this poem gets clobbered to my benefit, then by all means.
Cam, valiant knight didnt sit well with me either. I think I could do without it altogether it's telly.
I'm not comfortable with the line structure either, but I have never managed to understand this part of poetry.
thanks again for the feedback,
best wishes,
K