Poetry Forum

there is one thing our culture is good at
and that is
generating a sense of cool in the hearts, minds, and loins
of the everyman

you listen to brilliant music on an mp3 player while you multitask three websites and a design project
and it is there, a sense of infinite cool which more or less
translates
into infinite possibility

for you
for your future status

you watch an ultra hip movie
you wear a rare but stylish shirt
you look out at the world through sunglasses perfectly shaped to compliment your skull
you light a cigarette

you reject something un-cool

and this is the vital element
the thing that makes it all work
the rejection
an adamant disgust for that vile thing which is beneath you
in terms of art, in terms of culture and art and fashion and intelligence
it is the REJECTION
of specific selections
that culminates the most cool

in your brain

which presents itself through your eyes, mouth, hands,
it communicates through your penis, vagina, tongue, breasts
that shiny, slick, incredible cool
sticks to skin
and makes your life better
in imaginary ways that are more real than the shit we have to wade through
to get there.

Ty,
The premise of your argument is very interesting and makes for an
enjoyable read. It definitely rings true (to me, at least).

In places, though, the poem reads a little like an essay - the first
stanza especially. In fact I think you could cut it out completely.
Also this line
"in terms of art, in terms of culture and art and fashion and intelligence"

In the final stanza:
"it communicates through your penis, vagina, tongue, breasts"
left me feeling a little inadequate .
How about "intimate parts"?

One quibble:
I think your use of "culminates" may be grammatically unsound.
It certainly set the "grammar chip" in my head bleeping.

Geoff

Hi Ty
Agree with Geoff on this. I also think the "You" could be dropped from

"you watch an ultra hip movie
you wear a rare but stylish shirt
you look out at the world through sunglasses perfectly shaped to compliment your skull
you light a cigarette"

Liked it though. Different.

Mick.

ty -

Sorry this dropped so far, I remember reading this and must've been distracted from comment.

You've got some good stuff to work with here, quite different:

you listen to brilliant music on an mp3 player while you multitask three websites and a design project

for your future status

you watch an ultra hip movie
wear a rare but stylish shirt
look out at the world through sunglasses perfectly shaped to compliment your skull
light a cigarette

you reject something un-cool

presents itself through your eyes, mouth, hands,
it communicates through your penis, vagina, tongue, breasts
that shiny, slick, incredible cool
sticks to skin

But I think it comes off as too angst-y with these cliches:

a sense of infinite cool which more or less
translates
into infinite possibility

and this is the vital element
the thing that makes it all work
the rejection

in imaginary ways that are more real than the shit we have to wade through
to get there.

In my opinion you are more than half way there though, because you know what you want the poem to say. I'd just get cranking on 1) replacing the cliches with more creatively-said and explained ideas, and 2) cutting the extra things like "you", "this", and other things that make the poem more vague.

Anyway, one more opinion,

- Caleb

i was going to use the word "cool" in my review (i dare not call it a critique), but not to be smart about the meaning that you gave it, just because i thought this was an infinitely cool piece