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Hi Arco. I must have missed this. Liked the opening, but felt "The bearded salesman approaches, and the foray begins" could have been omitted. loved "cocoon comfort", and the whole way you described the salesman using people's self-pity to get a sale.
Nice one.
Mick
Nice one.
Mick
Thanks Mick
perhaps too subtle:
However it is a sad and unfortunate fact people either like poetry or hate it and usually say why bother to read it ?
The people who love poetry love the way the poem says things - it could be the rhymes or the rhythmns , the sounds, the imagery , the metaphor, that is: poems say things in a very different way from stories and hence poetry can have a precision and compaction that says "more with less".
Having said that, sometimes we have to relax our normal way of reading - that is try not to read it as a story/prose and consider the images: movement of images, the sounds created, the correspondences, the shifts in point of view; tone etc etc ( so many literary and stylistic approaches to convey a message) - it is like a multi dimensional layer - with many messages at each level, eventually adds to the overall reading impression - which I repeat again - is so different to reading prose.
We have been conditioned to write letters, send emails, read political speeches, browse web links; news articles; gossip columns .... and the habits developed in reading all this "prose" - is not suited to reading poetry.
Poetry can be a freedom in a sense from the one dimensional view of prose.
i have digressed....
maybe you are right the lines are not needed
I was thinking more of "bearded" ( as in a pirate ) and salesman ( sails) and hence sails hoist ( sales pitch ) the beginning of a foray ( pirate expedition ) - tying in Lord Admiral Nelson - pouch of gold and the booty ( wealth/chest ) as disposable income - that is the type of furniture you buy after a windfall with a parallel to sophisticated civilisation needing a substratum or a working/slavish class ( Im thinking of ancient empires here)
cheers
Arco
perhaps too subtle:
However it is a sad and unfortunate fact people either like poetry or hate it and usually say why bother to read it ?
The people who love poetry love the way the poem says things - it could be the rhymes or the rhythmns , the sounds, the imagery , the metaphor, that is: poems say things in a very different way from stories and hence poetry can have a precision and compaction that says "more with less".
Having said that, sometimes we have to relax our normal way of reading - that is try not to read it as a story/prose and consider the images: movement of images, the sounds created, the correspondences, the shifts in point of view; tone etc etc ( so many literary and stylistic approaches to convey a message) - it is like a multi dimensional layer - with many messages at each level, eventually adds to the overall reading impression - which I repeat again - is so different to reading prose.
We have been conditioned to write letters, send emails, read political speeches, browse web links; news articles; gossip columns .... and the habits developed in reading all this "prose" - is not suited to reading poetry.
Poetry can be a freedom in a sense from the one dimensional view of prose.
i have digressed....
maybe you are right the lines are not needed
I was thinking more of "bearded" ( as in a pirate ) and salesman ( sails) and hence sails hoist ( sales pitch ) the beginning of a foray ( pirate expedition ) - tying in Lord Admiral Nelson - pouch of gold and the booty ( wealth/chest ) as disposable income - that is the type of furniture you buy after a windfall with a parallel to sophisticated civilisation needing a substratum or a working/slavish class ( Im thinking of ancient empires here)
cheers
Arco
Hi thought this was very good an enjoyable read.
But .....
He walks in a sea of chesterfields,
sofas, divans and couchs -
it's was like ships berthed on
the foreshore awaiting
the chandler for
cordage and canvas.
It's was like a ships berthed on.......it was like, it's like, was like a ship, (twas like)?
Could'nt get me cats eye around that, or perhaps it's how you meant to write it?
And........
It's high time dont you think
to get things off your chest ?
So reward yourself now
*with the trinkets , the spoils
from having made a financial killing."
I feel that this stanza could of been brought in smoother, it reads a bit abruptly, a sudden change from the sales pitch if your with me;
Eg like, the salesemans to himself or is he saying to his customers, reward yourself now? if so then perhaps reward yourselves now.
Just wondering. AC
*Not picking but comma out of line.*
Capital T, the bearded salesman.
But .....
He walks in a sea of chesterfields,
sofas, divans and couchs -
it's was like ships berthed on
the foreshore awaiting
the chandler for
cordage and canvas.
It's was like a ships berthed on.......it was like, it's like, was like a ship, (twas like)?
Could'nt get me cats eye around that, or perhaps it's how you meant to write it?
And........
It's high time dont you think
to get things off your chest ?
So reward yourself now
*with the trinkets , the spoils
from having made a financial killing."
I feel that this stanza could of been brought in smoother, it reads a bit abruptly, a sudden change from the sales pitch if your with me;
Eg like, the salesemans to himself or is he saying to his customers, reward yourself now? if so then perhaps reward yourselves now.
Just wondering. AC
*Not picking but comma out of line.*
Capital T, the bearded salesman.