Poetry Forum

Bed

A sanctuary yes, but more than that:
A flat place to fuck and read
Or read and fuck.
A soft place to sleep and wake
Or wake and sleep.
A hard place to rise alone
And ruffle as a maid.

Clock

Preference - the old round face,
Analogue? Whatever, it doesn’t
Play tunes, just howls and howls.

Slippers

Moulded works of art that suffer
Sweaty feet willingly, stick and
Slap along familiar routes, lose
Everyday to polished brogues
Or battered boots, caress again
And again.

Hat

Once revered, now a backwards nod to the past.
Flat not long, a reverb, a twist in our sobriety.

The Bus

What! Public transport is alien, is transitory
I fear numbers because of it, 45, 36 and 3
Back packs and beards, prayer mats and me.

The Sun

Big tits and burn out, cancer and an orange face
93 million miles away is far too close.

A Dave

Salt of the earth, adjust your taps, jump-start your
Motor, a real delver, a lifetime quack a constant abuser.

Hats off, Kris.
BED and CLOCK really "speak" to me, and also SLIPPERS, though hopefully from a distance....

Nothing to crit, although I am unsure as to whether
nasty DAVE is actually the focus of the whole poem, an unexpected
bombshell, or just something to be accepted , i.e "shit happens"

Plaudits

I really liked it. Everyday objects are often ignored and its nice to see them explored.

I particularly liked

'an orange face
93 million miles away is far too close'

thanks for the read

benjy

thanks doods.

Inspired by Pseud's snippets.

although I am unsure as to whether nasty DAVE is actually the focus of the whole poem, an unexpected bombshell, or just something to be accepted , i.e "shit happens"

All of the above I think.

cheers
Kris

Superb, Kris. What a way of looking at life. How many "Daves" do we know?
Thanks Kris.
Mick

Some amusing observations Kris, although it took me a bit to get into it. Every verse is a gem - except for the first one. I don't find the verb reversal very effective.

'A flat place to fuck and read
Or read and fuck.
A soft place to sleep and wake
Or wake and sleep.'

The final lines presented a better image -

'A hard place to rise alone
And ruffle as a maid.'

The 'Slippers' verse was superb -

'Moulded works of art that suffer
Sweaty feet willingly, stick and
Slap along familiar routes, lose
Everyday to polished brogues' - A weave of S, F, and L sounds makes it sound like a slipper - the 'slap' in the middle is a nice touch.

The Bus - Clever rhyme and the funniest verse (fear of numbers).

'What! Public transport is alien, is transitory
I fear numbers because of it, 45, 36 and 3
Back packs and beards, prayer mats and me.'

The Sun verse, not quite as effective as the others - tits rererence lost to anyone not of these shores.

'A Dave' - You really caught something here - 'jump-start your motor', I've met him once or twice. The perfect person to end your poem.

Enjoyed this one

cheers

Barrie

Thanks Barrie,

I agree totally with "I don't find the verb reversal very effective."

Seeing as though Bed is a favourite place of mine, I didn't do it much justice.

cheers
Kris

I thought "sleep and wake or wake and sleep" was brilliant - it made me
think of the chicken/egg dilemma and also the realization that the
cycle must one day be broken for all of us.

Just my opinion.
Geoff

Good point Geoff.

Although from my perspective the "sanctuary" approach to the bed poem should have been the focal point. More celebratory that inevitable doomy.

But I'll go with your expalanation, which makes perfect sense. Although whether that was in the back of my mind, I'm not sure, I hope so.

cheers
Kris

Ah, the old bacon and egg dilemma ploy, eh?

Ah, the old bacon and egg dilemma ploy, eh?

Yep and I'm sticking to it, lol.

The beauty of Interpretation - especially someone elses!