somehow,
magically
the lines from beneath her pencil
curving up, straight and bold
they form a picture
a thought on paper
faces, people, places
her pencil untamed
moving in furry
but perfect, precise
amazing worlds apaer
she tenses for a moment
wait for inspiration
then her hand moves with spirit
to add detail and shade
stripe across the paper
whisper of shadow
her hand rests again
the picture, the story, is done
magically,
somehow
i'm not so sure about this one, especaily the two magically, somehow thing
my sister's drawing, my point of view
Hi yesterday,
I enjoyed reading your poem; the images made it easy to "see" your sister bent over her drawing and to feel your admiration for her and her art.
I have a few suggestions for you to consider or to leave alone.
The title: would work well with the omission of; "my point of view" and simply "My Sister Drawing". The poem is about the process not the completed picture.
I am new to this site and not familar with your style, I prefer the use of capitalization. As to punctuation, why commas but no periods?
somehow,
magically
the lines from beneath her pencil
curving up, straight and bold
[ curving perhaps curve; either way curve then straight seem oppossed]
they form a picture [don't need they]
a thought on paper
faces, people, places
her pencil untamed [good line]
moving in furry
but perfect, precise
[needs to be clearer; are the pencil movements perfect and precise or do these words modify the amazing worlds?]
amazing worlds apaer [appear]
she tenses for a moment
wait for inspiration [waits]
then her hand moves with spirit
to add detail and shade
stripe across the paper
whisper of shadow [great image]
her hand rests again
the picture, the story, is done
magically,
somehow
I won't make any futher comments about punctuation; you have the essence of a very good poem. I think it could be stronger with a few changes. I'll be interested to see how this one progresses. As to the two uses of "magically", I think this emphasizes the awe you have for her ability.
Boyd
I enjoyed reading your poem; the images made it easy to "see" your sister bent over her drawing and to feel your admiration for her and her art.
I have a few suggestions for you to consider or to leave alone.
The title: would work well with the omission of; "my point of view" and simply "My Sister Drawing". The poem is about the process not the completed picture.
I am new to this site and not familar with your style, I prefer the use of capitalization. As to punctuation, why commas but no periods?
somehow,
magically
the lines from beneath her pencil
curving up, straight and bold
[ curving perhaps curve; either way curve then straight seem oppossed]
they form a picture [don't need they]
a thought on paper
faces, people, places
her pencil untamed [good line]
moving in furry
but perfect, precise
[needs to be clearer; are the pencil movements perfect and precise or do these words modify the amazing worlds?]
amazing worlds apaer [appear]
she tenses for a moment
wait for inspiration [waits]
then her hand moves with spirit
to add detail and shade
stripe across the paper
whisper of shadow [great image]
her hand rests again
the picture, the story, is done
magically,
somehow
I won't make any futher comments about punctuation; you have the essence of a very good poem. I think it could be stronger with a few changes. I'll be interested to see how this one progresses. As to the two uses of "magically", I think this emphasizes the awe you have for her ability.
Boyd
thanx for the advise, i kno it's lacking something, but its good to hear that you can undertsand how i felt at the time, it was a realy amazing experiance when i started to think about it
i'll try you advise and rewrite it, so here goes;......
Somehow
Magically
The lines from beneath her pencil
Curved up, strong and bold
Forming a picture
A thought on paper
A moment of life
Of faces. People. Places
Her pencil untamed
Moving in furry
Spontaneous. Wild. Precise
Amazing worlds appear
Waits for inpiration
Her hand taken by a spirit
It adds detail. It adds shade
A stripe across the paper (not 2 sure about this line)
Whisper of a shadow
Her hand rests again
Searching the paper for fault
But the picture, the story, is done
Magicaly
Somehow
i'll try you advise and rewrite it, so here goes;......
Somehow
Magically
The lines from beneath her pencil
Curved up, strong and bold
Forming a picture
A thought on paper
A moment of life
Of faces. People. Places
Her pencil untamed
Moving in furry
Spontaneous. Wild. Precise
Amazing worlds appear
Waits for inpiration
Her hand taken by a spirit
It adds detail. It adds shade
A stripe across the paper (not 2 sure about this line)
Whisper of a shadow
Her hand rests again
Searching the paper for fault
But the picture, the story, is done
Magicaly
Somehow
heh