Poetry Forum

Within the gnarled arc,
Beyond day’s light,
I enter dark’s domain.
Rings of age
A timber cave.
I journey
Deeper
In
Deeper
Within
Beyond
Beyond reality
I join
I join the denizens
Spirits within, of
Elf, gnome and fae

Beyond the dim I gaze
To find the labyrinth
No maze.
Its path leads not loses,
Leads deeper
In
Deeper
Within
Deeper to connect
To be with all

Standing, absorbing, waiting.

Then stepping with purpose.
Om Mani Padme Hum
Om Mani Padme Hum
A walking meditation,
Each step, deeper,
Each step, connecting,
Each step, progressing,
Each step…
Om Mani Padme Hum
Om Mani Padme Hum


Conscious of all.
Wandering, wondering.
My past before me.
Conscious of self.
Searching for beginnings, the becoming of me.
Was it

That day in mid May,
Surging from my mother’s womb
Like Sulis from Earth?

Nurture and nature?
Father’s son and mother’s too,
Embraced by crane’s wings?

In trees and laughter,
Brothers of rivers and mud?
Cracked bones in plaster?

Face down in needles
And dodging their law, as I
Discovered my own?

Academia,
The jester in the mirror
With no childhood’s end?

Mushrooms and Scotney,
The Primal Orb and Brixton,
Trance, Acid and E?

Carol and Reiki,
Dragonfly epiphany
Lightening my soul?

Questioned confusion fades to tranquility.
Drifting, deeper, melding to another realm.
Importance ceases to exist.
The self evolving from settled darkness,
Emerges from forest into light,
Into…

Calm, peace, quiet.
The grass rests
Under Helios' gaze, the colours are being.
The dragonfly soars, sharing awareness.
Calm, peace, quiet.
The dragonfly rests, on a rock, by the stream.
Beyond, still hills and ivory caps.
Calm, peace, quiet.
The world rests, still turning.
The river flows and the breeze caresses all.
Calm, peace, quiet.

I meld into oneness
Into the river of life.

----------

First, thank you to anyone who had the patience to read this far. This is the 1st part of a work in progress. It describes/combines several journeys in which I look at how I got to be who I am, revisit some experiences and what I have learned from my meanderings through life. So there's plenty of work to do on it still, but I wanted to post the 1st part and get some crit's and hopeful that will avoid the rest of it going off track (or just tell me if I should bin it and start again). I have my own views on its quality, but am interested to hear yours too.

cheers

Binz

Binz,
I remember the last stanza from a previous posting -
I think it says it all really, the preceding lines (IMO) don't add
anything. Writing about meditation is especially difficult, I feel -
for example few people will know the "Om mani...." prayer
(I've got it in Kate Bush's "The Kick Inside" )

Good Luck with it
Geoff

Binz
I enjoyed the hypnotic elements of this poem. I found them evocative of the bhuddist mantra you later quote. In particular I like some of the repetitions and the way you keep expanding them - conveys that sense of progress, and a slow journey.

I journey
Deeper
In
Deeper
Within
Beyond
Beyond reality
I join
I join the denizens


I wasn't sure about this next stanza. I liked the ideas but found the expression of them not on a par with what you'd done before. But 'enlightenment' I think is hard to capture - so I don't have any useful suggestions I'm afraid.

Questioned confusion fades to tranquility.
Drifting, deeper, melding to another realm.
Importance ceases to exist.
The self evolving from settled darkness,
Emerges from forest into light,
Into…


Wanted to say too how much I loved the image of grass resting. I hadn't realised until I read your poem how harrassed I felt by the way grass just continually grows! Probably something to do with lawnmowers and sheds. Anyway, the image of grass resting is really lovely and conveys a unique sense of peace.
Shijin

I've always found poems about self-discovery to be too personal. You may try to involve the reader, but to really draw the reader takes something extra special. I've only ever read one that achieves this (for the most part) - 'The Prelude' by Wordsworth.

I've no gripes with the language, there's a lot of good stuff - although I'd lose the 'mantra' verse, seems out of place (too Tuesday Lobsang Rampa).

I remember making a couple of comments on the last verse when you submitted it as a poem in itself - It still is, and deserves to be so.

Maybe if you gave us some short autobiographical examples of the various chapters of your life, you could draw readers in more - instead of asking vague questions that we have no answers to. -

'Conscious of all.
Wandering, wondering.
My past before me.
Conscious of self.
Searching for beginnings, the becoming of me.
Was it

That day in mid May,
Surging from my mother’s womb
Like Sulis from Earth?

Nurture and nature?
Father’s son and mother’s too,
Embraced by crane’s wings?

In trees and laughter,
Brothers of rivers and mud?
Cracked bones in plaster?

Face down in needles
And dodging their law, as I
Discovered my own?

Academia,
The jester in the mirror
With no childhood’s end?

Mushrooms and Scotney,
The Primal Orb and Brixton,
Trance, Acid and E?

Carol and Reiki,
Dragonfly epiphany
Lightening my soul?'

Obviously all this is full of meaning for you but Brixton, Carol, and Reiki don't ring the same bells for me (Reiki - not even a faint tinkle).

I would carry on with it all the same, if you've got any kids, it would be something they will treasure - something that's really worth leaving.

cheers Binz

Barrie

thanks all for your comments and advice. I think that this is, and will only ever really be, a personal piece. I will try and make it more accessible, but know that it will always mean much more to me and less to others. But it's still worth making it more understandable, and poetic, as something to leave when I go.

cheers

Binz