Poetry Forum

The wallpaper is sagging,
soaked low by years of boiled giblets
and musky colognes.

In the wastebasket,
some fish heads hold an impromptu salon
over banana peals: slippery brown gossip.

The countertops are criss-crossed
by grey grout aqueducts, trafficking salmonella pilgrims
sinkward to a bleach-free oasis.

Everything else is austere,
pristinely twenty-first century—
glistening and indifferent.

WOW !

Good stuff Keith - love the music in this - some nice echoes !

I like the engaging voice - emotionless - purely observant - detached and thoroughly objective ...excellent

also the emotional lines falling across each stanza ..as if kind of nostalgic
not stated - but is there nevertheless - fantastic.

is the protagonist looking at modern painting perhaps ? - i get the feeling it is ... it doesn't matter - this is a gem.

some greatstanzas :

In the wastebasket,
some fish heads hold an impromptu salon
over banana peals: slippery brown gossip.

The countertops are criss-crossed
by grey grout aqueducts, trafficking salmonella pilgrims
sinkward to a bleach-free oasis.

Arco

Cameron you have inspried something with this "observational poem" approach. First Kris now Keith...

I can only echo Arco, man.

Hey, listen to the sonics there - "echo Arco...echo Arco" -

ahem.

I'm also glad you didn't try to put this into the haiku string style, the thickness would not come through nearly as well. "trafficking salmonella pilgrims sinkward to a bleach-free oasis." - my favorite part.

Well done.

- Caleb

It's interesting isn't it, that when you try to say less you sometimes actually say more. Yes, this is descriptive and observational but it ends by making a huge statement (perfectly in context with the poem's content) about the sanitised/dull/bleached nature of modern life. (Bring back the interesting salmonella days!)

Good one Keith.

I would urge you to take a look at WC Williams (if you haven't already). He was a master at this kind of thing: capturing ordinary scenes/things and elevating them into something special. I feel a great affinity with his approach ie: "no ideas but in things".

Cam

"A bleach-free oasis" - brilliant!
I can just picture the gleaming stainless steel - and the staff toilet with
no soap!

Geoff

Wow. Still life with fish heads. It's practically Dutch.

Not sure what "musky colognes" are doing in the kitchen.

And "banana peals" - peels? Cunning wordplay (as in peals of laughter) or accidental misspelling?

The others have already highlighted the good bits - there are many - and "trafficking salmonella pilgrims sinkward to a bleach-free oasis" is definitely the best. A good one.

I'm obviously the winner of today's Big Thicko award, because nobody else has quibbled about this, but I don't get the transition in the final stanza. All the way I'm thinking "grotty kitchen, grotty kitchen", then ... huh?

David

it's a bit like slobbing around the house in your soiled and grimy old tracksuit bottoms isn't it? you wouldn't want to answer the door in them but there's something sensually comforting about the anarchy of your own filth....well that's how i read it. but then, i'd never let my kitchen get like that.

Gidday

I think I was in the same restaurant last week. "Chef" was a 64 y.o. woman with tatts and smoking rollies. Should keep quiet about it. You'll alert the health inspectors.

Nice read

Dave

Really liked the 1st 3 stanzas (confess the 1st reminded me of my 1st mother-in-law's place, paper sagging to reveal older paper beneath).

but must confess the 4th did nothing for me. To my uneducated mind the poem reads like 3 stanzas of poetry followed by a 3 line statement that feels out of place. sorry!

Binz