Poetry Forum

Somebody had to be Judas.
Don't think I don't see that.
Bad luck

for me.
Good news, of course,
for Christians everywhere.

It was such a strange week:
the febrile arrival -
Jesusmania -

the nervous soldiery,
the angry shaken beards.
The transaction.

And then that wholly awful night -
"Is it me, Lord? Is it me?"
That business with the bread.

Then - general hubbub,
upturned tables ...
You try flouncing out in sandals.

They say he agonised for hours,
crying "Lord, I am not worthy!"
Was I worthy?

Through me was accomplished
the Redemption.
I could not

not kiss him
in the garden,
in the torches' flare.

The cosmic marbles
rolled into place.
The scriptures were fulfilled.

So I went down,
to perpetual suffering, I suppose -
to eternal ignominy, I expect ...

There was never more joy in heaven.
One homecoming king.
One fatted calf.

I sense two voices at work in this poem. Is the narrator Judas?

I'm coming back to this one. Very, very well done, David.

Reminds me of Ben Folds' Jesusland for some reason. Something about the mood it puts me in I guess.

- Caleb

this is very good indeed, but i think you could weed out a few unnecessary bits, or at least make them more interesting:

Good news, of course,
for Christians everywhere.

Through me was accomplished
the Redemption.

The scriptures were fulfilled.

Some wonderful touches, esp. "you try flouncing out in sandles". I loved the dark humour running through this piece.

i like this poem a lot. it made me think about the price you pay for any kind of freedom. and the way it's always comforting to see things in black and white despite the fact we know they're not.

David, you are on a roll.

Good Thursday/Friday seen through the eyes of a slightly miffed Judas
with lashings of "Life of Brian"-style dark humour, and a clever ending.

"Good news" - nice pun.

I love the concision of "the transaction" and the "business with the bread".

Two expressions intriguingly imply a great deal without going any further -
"I expect" and "I suppose" leaving the reader to conjecture where Judas might be writing from, and what, if anything has happened to him.
It made me think of how Terry Pratchett handles death (and DEATH) in
his Discworld novels.

My only quibble is the double "not", over which I had to do a double-take.
Perhaps "I could hardly not kiss him...."?

Yes, this is indeed worthy.
Geoff

I'd like to see him as a goat, not a calf. The whole sheep and goats, wheat and chaff, lamb of God / azazel goat thing. Might work into the imagery in a more New Testament(y) way.

Some good stuff, though the two voices--or one split voice--makes this wander just a bit. Definitely worthy of a tweak.


Cheers,

Keith

"You try flouncing out in sandals" .
Very funny David. Can't offer any more crits - but I kind of liked the "not - not" way you put it.

Brilliant.

Mick.

Somehow you manage to turn this into a fun thing. I love the perspective and tone, what a great idea. There is so much to play with here, it seems like the core could be heartier, but maybe that would lessen the play of it.

Was I worthy? was my favorite part. and the sandals, and the marbles...

thanks
Jennie

Interesting about the two voices. It was all supposed to be Judas, but I suppose it's the verses where he's commenting, rather than reporting, that come out like another voice. Good point.

And Jesusland is a great song, Caleb. Thank you for introducing me to it. I'm listening to Songs for Silverman now.

Dill / David / dillingworth (that sounds so formal) - you made me go back and look at the bits you mentioned. I definitely agree about "The scriptures were fulfilled" ... maybe something like "God is not all (or always) Love"?

Keith, I see what you mean about the goat, but the last verse is supposed to be a riff on the Prodigal Son. Hence, one fatted calf.

Desiderata, Geoff, Mick, thanks for commenting. I think I must have got this one mostly right.

Jennie - that is a nice name, as is Caleb, yet you masquerade as ennui and pseud, you miserablists you. Would you consider some more joyful names? Pease-blossom and Moth, perhaps? No? Anyway, nice to hear from you, and I'm glad you liked it. You come to this site with excellent credentials. Any friend of Moth's (or Pease-blossom's - you decide) ...

David

For what it is worth I wasn't hearing two voices in my read, even when I tried. Thought I was crazy for not hearing the voices, glad to hear I wasn't.

Pease-blossom Jelly has a nice ring, but is kind of long. Maybe PBJ.
Thanks for the welcome, but I can't ride on pseud's coat-tails, he seems to be much nicer than I am.

Jennie

the title of this seemed so promising,
but, and honestly sorry to be the one to rain on this parade of praise,
this seemed flat and un-fulfilling,
the only interesting thing is the tone of resignation in the narrator's voice, other than that it is an unnecessary retelling of the new testament, again, sorry, but you could have just written
"Judas talks about betraying Jesus in a resigned and causal tone" and have been done with it. a title like this should precede a poem with something interesting to say.
word

Fair enough Az - come rain or come shine.

hmm....I thought I was crazy for hearing the voices. Turns out I am...

Of course voice two is fizzling out as I read it a few more times...crazy...

I guess the second voice came in here -

They say he agonised for hours,
crying "Lord, I am not worthy!"

Who is "they" and who is "he"? Jesus? I've never heard that before. I was always taught he was worthy. He said "it is finished..." but that's not the same? You might look to Peter for a better parallel here - though that has been used many times -

sorry, you're sharing your poetry with a fundamentalist from the US, it's what to expect...

I'm gonna disagree with azathoth a bit though - for a Christian, this story is the climax of the whole narrative, the entire Bible. So the tone is usually...climactic, dramatic, that type of thing. Sure that approach worked for Rembrandt, but in poetry usually one just ends up being an updated Milton. So a sort of numb, dazed "well, as I recall this is what happened" - as if Judas is still trying to make sense of the whole ordeal, somewhere, somehow - makes him a tortured soul in a way I'd never thought of before. Guess that means I like it for the same reason azathoth dislikes it.

- Caleb

PS: David when I originally joined the board I was "pseudonymous". A mouthful and a cheeseball of a name, but that was it. So I shortened it to pseud before Nicola started discouraging further name changes. I don't know why I didn't use my real name, a great question. Of course I also couldn't tell you why I chopped off the top half of the Black Adders head in my avatar. So there you are then.

I thought Judas was saying he (himself) wasn't worthy to play such a pivotal part in the redemption plan. I thought it a very open and fascinating way to have him view his trickery. If not for the negative aspect of his deed, that you'd consider a bad legacy, there would be no huge positive legacy, which is what he's humbled by. I think?

Jennie

Caleb, Jennie, thanks for coming back on this. I clearly misremembered what Jesus said in the garden, so I'll have to have a think about that. What I have is not a million years from asking for the chalice to pass, but it's obviously not quite right. Holed amidships!

I started from here:

"For the Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that one by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that one not to have been born."

So ... no Judas, no Redemption. But no redemption for Judas. Does that sound fair to you? Not to me, really.

Cheers

David