Page 1 of 1
Eclipse
Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 4:06 am
by camus
Inspired by my misinterpretation of a fine poem by Mr Moose.
A hidden evening, cloaked by motionless trees,
a frailty to their lank demure, lost in their silent
leaves. Huddled we sit, your odd gloves, making
light of the anticipation, we share a flask for the
first time, bonding over steaming tea and a rustling
in the bracken. I take your hand, you smile, trust is
a simple touch and the stillness of the night crackles.
I lead you to the waters edge, coots smack wings
against a tremulous air, squawk our arrival, then glide
into submission, gabbling, yakking themselves into
silence. Lost in the complex rituals of seeking a mate,
at our frightened faces, alive in the lake, we forget the
light as it quickly pales and our burdens are halved
as the moon is eclipsed and our reflections fade;
just you and me, and this beautiful calm.
Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 5:00 am
by that girl
This is an absolutely beautiful poem, camus. I wouldn't change a thing.
.tg.
gg
Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 9:27 am
by Thomas
hi Camus really is a good poem some great thoughtfull lines my favourite being......... a simple touch and the stillness of the night crackles.
I lead you to the waters edge..............
great line...good poem Tom....
Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 9:44 pm
by The Moose
The Moose approves of this excellent, if not a touch more ethereal, revision.
Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 6:02 pm
by camus
Thanks guys and Gal.
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:40 am
by camus
harumphhhhhhhhhhhh
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:49 am
by that girl
I'm sorry, camus, do you have a pimp in your throat?
Could I offer you some water?
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:52 am
by camus
lol sure.
I'm in a B&B in Leeds, on dial up, I need all the help I can get.
You won't get that will you?
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:54 am
by that girl
sigh, no. I won't.
Thats what happens when people live in missouri and are born in the wrong decade, they don't get things.
care to explain?
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:56 am
by camus
Not really,
Lets talk about life
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:58 am
by that girl
Here? In open forum?
ok, why not.
How is your life?
How is life treating you?
and
What is the meaning of life?
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:09 am
by camus
Odelay
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:12 am
by camus
I may well delete the last post, whatdya think?
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:25 am
by that girl
I didn't even get a chance to read it...
Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 11:56 am
by Arcadian
Excellent Camus,
I dips my lid , to my way of thinking it is the best poem you have written to date.
Im going to ask Cameron to have this featured - I hope he agrees with me
I loved this , awesome buddy !
Arco
Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 12:06 pm
by cameron
Cor blimey guvnor, how many featured poems does one geezer need?
Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:36 pm
by Sean Kinsella
I'm not the greatest fan of modern poetic forms, but this poem could change my way of thinking...well done Camus, an excellent effort.
BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA
Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 4:49 pm
by camus
Bump for David - I do sentimental.
Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 6:22 pm
by David
Bloody hell, so you do. Suits you sir.
Good to know you're not a cynical cantankerous git (and I mean that in a good way) all the time.
Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 11:31 am
by cameron
"I'm in a B&B in Leeds, on dial up, I need all the help I can get. "
What a great line Kris.
Could you write a film script to put it in?
Pastoral
Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 10:27 pm
by ccvulture
Bumpetty bump. Excellent couplets.
"trust is a simple touch and the stillness of the night crackles."
Sweet.
Cheers
Stu