Black is not lit
White has no shadow.
Red causes pain
Then orange then yellow
Then dark again
The green of a meadow
Blue sky thinking
This indigo fellow
Walks in a violet
Death.
Rainbow
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twoleftfeet
- Perspicacious Poster
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Excellent idea for a poem.
The first two lines give it a metaphysical quality, and I began to wonder
if, when one dies, the colours of the spectrum (as opposed to our lives)
flash before us...
Spectre and spectrum have the same roots, of course.
Rainbow Bridge or Bridge of Swords? The former sounds a lot safer
Nice one
Geoff
The first two lines give it a metaphysical quality, and I began to wonder
if, when one dies, the colours of the spectrum (as opposed to our lives)
flash before us...
Spectre and spectrum have the same roots, of course.
Rainbow Bridge or Bridge of Swords? The former sounds a lot safer
Nice one
Geoff
The rhymes and rhythms of the piece are quite something - You come up with some real gems for a Bongser - I am more impressed by each read.
I like Geoff's interpretation, mine was different (a few times) - I don't see it as trying to say anything specific - it's more of a goad to the imagination. The only thing that's fixed and sudden, is the end - Death.
Barrie
I like Geoff's interpretation, mine was different (a few times) - I don't see it as trying to say anything specific - it's more of a goad to the imagination. The only thing that's fixed and sudden, is the end - Death.
Barrie
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juliadebeauvoir
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- Location: East of Eden
Minstrel,
this reminded me of the color field painting method which Rothko was famous for--except you did a splendid job painting words.
Each block was visual with a philosophical twist at the end. You start out reading color and then are confronted with personality. Liked it!
Cheers,
K.
this reminded me of the color field painting method which Rothko was famous for--except you did a splendid job painting words.
Each block was visual with a philosophical twist at the end. You start out reading color and then are confronted with personality. Liked it!
Cheers,
K.
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
Very nice, Minstrel, and not a word wasted. I wondered whether orange and yellow needed more than a mention, but the line influences timing and rhyme so..
I really like the simplicity of this..
‘Then dark again
The green of a meadow’
I’ve been writing about colour too recently (though I only managed to hone in on one), and far too many words wasted in mine.
A fine poem
Lia
I really like the simplicity of this..
‘Then dark again
The green of a meadow’
I’ve been writing about colour too recently (though I only managed to hone in on one), and far too many words wasted in mine.
A fine poem
Lia
Erm - ditto ditto ditto, really, to the foregoing comments. The rhythm is great, and - a lot of people around here won't think this is a compliment, but it really is ... it's actually quite reminiscent of Emily Dickinson ("this indigo fellow" especially).
I won't hear a word said against Emily D - this is not the place to get into a debate about her qualities, but believe me, reminding someone (even if it's only me) of her is no small achievement.
Only thing I didn't really like - and I can see that it might well have been the wellspring of the whole poem, so I say this tentatively - was the "violet death". For me the immediate association with the pat phrase "violent death" - and it isn't even a pun, quite - is disappointing after the build-up.
On the other hand, I can see that it's only a matter of taste, not of botched execution. Each to his own.
Still a good one.
Cheers
David
I won't hear a word said against Emily D - this is not the place to get into a debate about her qualities, but believe me, reminding someone (even if it's only me) of her is no small achievement.
Only thing I didn't really like - and I can see that it might well have been the wellspring of the whole poem, so I say this tentatively - was the "violet death". For me the immediate association with the pat phrase "violent death" - and it isn't even a pun, quite - is disappointing after the build-up.
On the other hand, I can see that it's only a matter of taste, not of botched execution. Each to his own.
Still a good one.
Cheers
David
Minstrel -
I agree with David's third paragraph about "violet death" - what about purple? That wouldn't be keeping with a rainbow I guess.
I also agree with the praise this is receiving. The simple rhyme is not so simple to do this well.
- Caleb
I agree with David's third paragraph about "violet death" - what about purple? That wouldn't be keeping with a rainbow I guess.
I also agree with the praise this is receiving. The simple rhyme is not so simple to do this well.
- Caleb
very nice poem Minstrel
Im afraid last line leaves me stone cold - can you be more creative or descriptive rather than have "Dead" on its own ??? --it begs for more -
also since you were suggesting colours of the rainbow - ROYGBIV, a description of each one perhaps may have been better- I thought you were heading done the path of the seven chakras ( kundalini energy - awakening the serpent at the base of the spine (coccyx) and activating each colour in succession for that tumultous enlightment ! (read absorbing poetic line ! ) -see my point ?
good stuff all the same
arco
Im afraid last line leaves me stone cold - can you be more creative or descriptive rather than have "Dead" on its own ??? --it begs for more -
also since you were suggesting colours of the rainbow - ROYGBIV, a description of each one perhaps may have been better- I thought you were heading done the path of the seven chakras ( kundalini energy - awakening the serpent at the base of the spine (coccyx) and activating each colour in succession for that tumultous enlightment ! (read absorbing poetic line ! ) -see my point ?
good stuff all the same
arco
Thankyou all.
Encouraging.
Julia, I watched a documentary about Rothko a couple of weeks ago so there is perhaps some influence, albeit sub-concious. ( he didn't give interpretations of his paintings which I reckon means he didn't have any )
David, Pseud, Nick. Some valid and intersting points there which may result in another, different, poem. Especially re. giving each colour a description. This one wasn't intended to be taken for anything other than face value and was no more than an excercise in rythm/rhyme which are the only tools available to me at this period of the bleak mid-winter.
Encouraging.
Julia, I watched a documentary about Rothko a couple of weeks ago so there is perhaps some influence, albeit sub-concious. ( he didn't give interpretations of his paintings which I reckon means he didn't have any )
David, Pseud, Nick. Some valid and intersting points there which may result in another, different, poem. Especially re. giving each colour a description. This one wasn't intended to be taken for anything other than face value and was no more than an excercise in rythm/rhyme which are the only tools available to me at this period of the bleak mid-winter.