He was in the bank
Crouching over the teller
A great lumbering, leaning
oak of a feller.
A mythical monster
And shy by account
Yet only withdrawing
a sufficient amount
to try and balance the scale.
A presence
An example
Exceeding every sample
of preconceived stature
Gentle by nature
Contained in vigour
And as tale tellers tell
A solitary figure.
Concluding his business
He stepped a full floor
And gripping the lintel
Ducked under the door.
I watched through the wall
As one step per street
‘Like a farmer avoiding
the dung with his feet’
He conquered Cheshire
And stood with one foot
On the Pennines
And the cave
Where his money was put
The giant
Excellent - a real curio, this.
I think there are way too many line breaks and it would be much better in two plain stanzas, the first ending with "figure".
Great spring in the metre - is there a name for that "Night Before Christmas" beat? Anyway I love it.
"Teller / feller" is a top rhyme.
Didn't grasp the meaning of "an example // Exceeding every sample / of preconceived stature". You should clarify this without losing the end-words.
Love "as tale tellers tell".
The second part is almost perfect; the highlight being "I watched ... his feet".
Just a slight doubt about the way it ends; the last line sounds a little bit wrong grammatically. I mean you'd say "Where his money was kept" or something like that, wouldn't you? Not "Where his money was put". Not sure how you'd fix that though, sorry.
I think there are way too many line breaks and it would be much better in two plain stanzas, the first ending with "figure".
Great spring in the metre - is there a name for that "Night Before Christmas" beat? Anyway I love it.
"Teller / feller" is a top rhyme.
Didn't grasp the meaning of "an example // Exceeding every sample / of preconceived stature". You should clarify this without losing the end-words.
Love "as tale tellers tell".
The second part is almost perfect; the highlight being "I watched ... his feet".
Just a slight doubt about the way it ends; the last line sounds a little bit wrong grammatically. I mean you'd say "Where his money was kept" or something like that, wouldn't you? Not "Where his money was put". Not sure how you'd fix that though, sorry.
I must admit to liking the line breaks here (as a rule I wouldn't), they seem to add to the subject of the poem - big steps, slow of wit.
Really well composed in rhyme and rhythm - no nits.
Liked the pun - 'And shy by account'. Seeing as banks and farmers are mentioned, you could've used 'titan' as well.
‘Like a farmer avoiding
the dung with his feet’ - All I can say about this, is that the farmers around here don't seem to share that trait - as the pub floors testify when they leave. Not too bad these days though, since the auction mart closed.
I didn't have a problem with the end - I saw it as colloquial - Mind you, I would have preferred
'Where his money were put'
Enjoyed it .
Barrie
Really well composed in rhyme and rhythm - no nits.
Liked the pun - 'And shy by account'. Seeing as banks and farmers are mentioned, you could've used 'titan' as well.
‘Like a farmer avoiding
the dung with his feet’ - All I can say about this, is that the farmers around here don't seem to share that trait - as the pub floors testify when they leave. Not too bad these days though, since the auction mart closed.
I didn't have a problem with the end - I saw it as colloquial - Mind you, I would have preferred
'Where his money were put'
Enjoyed it .
Barrie
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twoleftfeet
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Like K-J, I love the unusual meter.
I'm thinking there is a link here to some Giant's cave known to walkers/
potholers/students of mythology but my Googling proved inconclusive.
I didn't understand
to try and balance the scale.
Nice one
Geoff
I'm thinking there is a link here to some Giant's cave known to walkers/
potholers/students of mythology but my Googling proved inconclusive.
I didn't understand
to try and balance the scale.
Nice one
Geoff
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camus
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Really enjoyed this here poem. An obvious Fairy tale quality to it. Great rhymes.
Other comments aside I couldn't help thinking I'm missing a relevant link, an old folk tale? A well known Local you have often observed?
‘Like a farmer avoiding
the dung with his feet’
At first I thought an Heaney Quote? Then I thought a bit too obvious a simile for Heaney! Again if their is a relevance I'd like to know!
Intriguing, fine read.
Other comments aside I couldn't help thinking I'm missing a relevant link, an old folk tale? A well known Local you have often observed?
‘Like a farmer avoiding
the dung with his feet’
At first I thought an Heaney Quote? Then I thought a bit too obvious a simile for Heaney! Again if their is a relevance I'd like to know!
Intriguing, fine read.
Very good. A mythical Paul Bunyan type character.
"To try and balance the scale", I think, is a reference to farmers making losses on their farms now. So they say. (I believe them.)
I have to agree with Barrie, any alleged farmer seen "avoiding the dung with his feet" is probably not a farmer at all. And probably wearing green wellies. To boot.
I like the rhythm, and the line breaks don't bother me at all.
Good stuff.
David
"To try and balance the scale", I think, is a reference to farmers making losses on their farms now. So they say. (I believe them.)
I have to agree with Barrie, any alleged farmer seen "avoiding the dung with his feet" is probably not a farmer at all. And probably wearing green wellies. To boot.
I like the rhythm, and the line breaks don't bother me at all.
Good stuff.
David
Thanks.
k-j,
The line breaks just happened and are not something I use as a rule, but the step of the metre, and the subject just kind of dictated it. I have to admit I wasn't sure. You are correct about the split into two stanzas, and at the right point. I did put two extra breaks/ gaps at that point but probably got lost amongst all the other........gaps.
I'm not sure if there's a name for the metre, again that just happened(not sounding very academic am I).
Anyway, glad you liked it.
Barrie/ David
I know, as a rule, farmers enjoy trudging through manure, stuffing it down their trousers or spraying it all over the local town hall, but try to imagine this one, as preferably a big Irish one, wearing his sunday brogues. No, he did look like a farmer (yes, he did exist)
Geoff
re. 'to try to balance the scale'. I was trying to correlate banking terms with his shyness. 'Yet only withdrawing a sufficient amount to try to balance the scale' as withdrawing from society/ people a sufficient amount as to appear less threatening/ less large or balancing the scale or ratio between himself and normal sized people. It seemed to make sense to me........(at the time). Also had a picture of a giant weighing gold.
Camus
Yes. I saw a giant! and he was in the national westminster bank. There are no giants locally or in the north west as far as I'm aware. So where he came from or was going to I don't know.
He was near eight feet tall and exited the door of the bank in the manner I described. A double door in a big old bank. I'm six foot and measured myself against it. The door is at least seven and a half feet in height.
A lonlier more solitary looking man Ive never seen though, I wanted to express this more in the poem, but didn't.
Cheers.
k-j,
The line breaks just happened and are not something I use as a rule, but the step of the metre, and the subject just kind of dictated it. I have to admit I wasn't sure. You are correct about the split into two stanzas, and at the right point. I did put two extra breaks/ gaps at that point but probably got lost amongst all the other........gaps.
I'm not sure if there's a name for the metre, again that just happened(not sounding very academic am I).
Anyway, glad you liked it.
Barrie/ David
I know, as a rule, farmers enjoy trudging through manure, stuffing it down their trousers or spraying it all over the local town hall, but try to imagine this one, as preferably a big Irish one, wearing his sunday brogues. No, he did look like a farmer (yes, he did exist)
Geoff
re. 'to try to balance the scale'. I was trying to correlate banking terms with his shyness. 'Yet only withdrawing a sufficient amount to try to balance the scale' as withdrawing from society/ people a sufficient amount as to appear less threatening/ less large or balancing the scale or ratio between himself and normal sized people. It seemed to make sense to me........(at the time). Also had a picture of a giant weighing gold.
Camus
Yes. I saw a giant! and he was in the national westminster bank. There are no giants locally or in the north west as far as I'm aware. So where he came from or was going to I don't know.
He was near eight feet tall and exited the door of the bank in the manner I described. A double door in a big old bank. I'm six foot and measured myself against it. The door is at least seven and a half feet in height.
A lonlier more solitary looking man Ive never seen though, I wanted to express this more in the poem, but didn't.
Cheers.
Yes. I saw a giant!
Very good. Here's our local giant - http://www.isle-of-man.com/manxnotebook ... /p199a.htm - anything like?
Very good. Here's our local giant - http://www.isle-of-man.com/manxnotebook ... /p199a.htm - anything like?
Giants and stories about giants fascinate me David.
He's a new one on me and a fine figure of a man!
I once read an amusing account of an Irish giant from county Cork. I can't remember his name (convenient I hear you think). Who, when he was 22 had reached the dizzy height of seven foot eight. He decided to leave his farm and travel to Dublin to seek his fortune. He walked the whole distance and apparently, by the time he reached Dublin, had a following of about three hundred strangers!
Which I find very amusing.
Here are a few more giant stories.
http://www.stevequayle.com/Giants/UK/UK7.html
He's a new one on me and a fine figure of a man!
I once read an amusing account of an Irish giant from county Cork. I can't remember his name (convenient I hear you think). Who, when he was 22 had reached the dizzy height of seven foot eight. He decided to leave his farm and travel to Dublin to seek his fortune. He walked the whole distance and apparently, by the time he reached Dublin, had a following of about three hundred strangers!
Which I find very amusing.
Here are a few more giant stories.
http://www.stevequayle.com/Giants/UK/UK7.html
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camus
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I was fond of the Selfish Giant (Oscar wilde) cartoon version. Had some great songs on it.
Although I recently read a review of the original story calling it mawkish and over sentimental! Same thing anyhow, foolish oaf.
YAY - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBWURy1surI
Although I recently read a review of the original story calling it mawkish and over sentimental! Same thing anyhow, foolish oaf.
YAY - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBWURy1surI
I was fond of the the written version, or in my case the spoken version. Our local vicar used the story as a sermon on one of his unusual visits to proddy priming school. It stuck.
'Mawkish and over sentimental' written by some adult member of the so called intelligencia no doubt. Ted Hughes also wrote 'The Iron Man' for children, and a fine example for the young mind it is. What better cause?
'Mawkish and over sentimental' written by some adult member of the so called intelligencia no doubt. Ted Hughes also wrote 'The Iron Man' for children, and a fine example for the young mind it is. What better cause?