Auden's face

[Minstrel]

You are rigid in your punctuality,
either side of which your face has collapsed.

A face designed for tears to run-down,
a shattered cliff, straining from the slopes
of an old jacket.

Your smile, a two handed job,
Is lifted like a sack, emptied of all but words.

And every line a scar, etched in limestone,
by sentiment hauled through a glacial expression.

[barrie]

Most excellent, a sculpture in words. - a feature if ever I read one.

Well done

Barrie

I watched the programme last night too - good to see inspiration.

[camus]

Indeed a fine sculpture.

There is a poet (I can't recall) who wrote a series of poems called facial expressions this one would do the collection justice.

One niggle, if I have to find one, would be:

"a two handed job" seems a little playful in comparison to the rest of the poem, it is a comical image, perhaps it is required? not sure.

Good stuff.

[Minstrel]

Barrie/ Kris

Thanks.

"a two handed job" seems a little playful in comparison to the rest of the poem, it is a comical image.

Are you coming at this from a Gilf angle?......No, I can see what you mean.

perhaps it is required?

I thought so. Obviously the sack metaphor wouldn't work without somehow showing it being lifted two handed but wanted to lighten the tone a bit too. I thought it sort of Audenish to do so.

You're right Barry, I watched the programme too and have to admit to previously not understanding a lot of Audens poems. However, after hearing him read his own work, emphasis in all the relevant places and such, found him a lot more accesible. An endearing character.

Cheers.

[pseud]

I agree with Barrie and Kris, very fine work. You can drop the "and" on the final couplet if you'd like, but that's all I see to critique. Good stuff.

[David]

Gilf, I thought, there's an expression I don't know. I must google that.

Good grief. (Don't look Kim!)

Very very good though. I didn't see that programme, although I did know that it was on (which must be nearly as good), and I'm quite sorry now. Did you see this? http://books.guardian.co.uk/poetry/feat ... 11,00.html Quite interesting, I thought.

Not sure about the first verse, purely in the detail of "your punctuality" - his nose? I don't quite get the reference, but it's a superb description of the overall look. Auden, if anybody, can be described as looking like a wrinkled retainer.

I love the last verse.

Nice work Minst.

Cheers

David

[Bombadil]

No Kim.

Don't look.

[camus]

Actually that was just a presumtive progressional thought on my behalf.

Milf - Helen Mirren older sexy dame - Ah GILF

Low and Behold!

[Minstrel]

Actually that was just a presumptive progressional thought on my behalf

Typical, trying to steal the thunder. You fuckin plagiarist!

[camus]

NOW! I'm trying to defend GILF, fuck youse all!¬

[Minstrel]

Thanks Pseud/ David and Kris(for your chivalry)

Good to have you about again Caleb.

Not sure about the first verse, purely in the detail of "your punctuality" -his nose?

Could be his nose, I suppose. Apparently he was untidy in everything other than punctuality, which I thought of as a rigid pole running through his centre, where his nose is, yes.
I reckon Lowry could have done a good portrait.

Thanks for the link, interesting that.

[cameron]

Minst,

Hope you don't mind but I've added this fine short poem to the page about the W H Auden Centenary Celebration:

http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4950

I've actually sold some advertising space to Christ Church, Oxford who are hosting the event and, as part of the deal, I said I'd bung in a freebie on the forum. Consequently some of the good folk of Oxford Uni may read your poem!

Cheers
Cam

PS you missed another apostrophe - ha ha

[Minstrel]

Nice one Cam.

I may even get asked to speak.........on 'The relevance and correct use of the apostrophe in modern poetry.'

Did you not wangle any free tickets?


Minst.

[dedalus]

a shattered cliff, straining from the slopes
of an old jacket.

I'm looking at at the creased weathered photo as I write this ...

Your smile, a two handed job,
Is lifted like a sack, emptied of all but words.

And I honestly believe...

And every line a scar, etched in limestone,

... it could not have been said better!

[juliadebeauvoir]

A face designed for tears to run-down,
a shattered cliff, straining from the slopes
of an old jacket.

Minstrel, you live up to your name. This one sings.
Quite sublime--a truthful look what the years can do.
**********

Good grief. (Don't look Kim!)

No Kim.

Don't look.

Gosh, I leave for a few weeks and this is what becomes of me! The virgin queen!

FYI, I figured it out :wink
So you gentlemen like those older women, huh? I wonder what Helen would think...?

[cameron]

Before Barrie disappeared in a puff of computer smoke, he suggested that this poem should be a feature. I agree.

Cam
PS Barrie - wherefore art thou? Don't they sell computers in Kendal?

[camus]

Indeed,

A fine poem.

[Minstrel]

Tis nice to get a feature on me birthday (they say 40 is the new 30).

Cheers guys.

I reckon Barrie and A.S are busy accumulating a mass of new material with which they will bombard us under a pretence of inspiration.