The Solar System

[cameron]

The Sun

Flaring furnace of
Helium and hydrogen
Around which we spin.


Mercury

Airless, waterless,
Pock-marked planet - sitting too
Close to the fire.


Venus

Sweltering under
Your thick clouds - four hundred and
Eighty degrees C.


Earth

Our watery place:
Mid way between freezing and
Evaporating.


Mars

Dusty, rusty-red
Planet - with dried-up rivers
And underground ice.


Jupiter

Largest of them all:
Trailing your sixteen moons and
Ring-shaped bands of dust.


Saturn

Really your rings
Are chunks of rock and ice, pulled
In by gravity.


Uranus

You have a metal
Heart wrapped in ice, and a cold
Blue-green atmosphere.


Neptune

Sea-blue but not sea:
A distant orbiting chunk:
Three rings and eight moons.


Pluto

Coldest and smallest
And furthest - out there, alone
With your single moon.

[David]

An educational haiku set! There's a first. Or is it?

Some really good ones, Cam - I like the impressionistic ones, especially Uranus and Neptune - but some feel as though they're just there to complete the set for now. How about polishing them up? (Saturn especially, I think.)

Great idea, worth a bit more work to my mind.

Years ago, I learnt a mnemonic for the planets of the Solar System (before poor old Pluto was discredited and chucked out of the club) - Most Volcanoes Erupt Mulberry Jam Sandwiches Under Normal Pressure. I'd like to say it's been invaluable but it really hasn't.

Cheers

David

[cameron]

Thanks David.

Yes, I was a bit worried about Saturn. It seemed a bit obvious to say it had rings so I tried to go for a different approach. Back to the encyclopedia.

I will keep working.

Cam

[twoleftfeet]

Cam,

I agree with David. I like SUN and EARTH, but I don't think scientific/
educational information can work here.
I don't think even Shakespeare could have got away with
Can I compare thee to an RS232 interface?
As for UB313 - isn't that a Nazi submarine?

Maybe you can play safe and do a Holst - tackle the astrology?

Geoff

[cameron]

Thanks Geoff,

I used to do astrological birth charts for people so I did think about going all Russell Grant - but then changed my mind. I'll ponder.

ta
Cam

[camus]

A worthy set of Haikus, I liked the educational approach. Four hundred and Eighty degrees C - really, in 1610 ohhh - that type of thing.

Mercury being my favourite - sitting too Close to the fire.

nice one.

[Minstrel]

Hiya Cam.

Liked the characterization of the star and the planets. Also the haikus in stanzas which seemed to echo the isolation of each body.

One or two sticking points which can perhaps be resolved by mixing/ matching the educational/ observational a little more evenly.

Liked the Jupiter one a lot. Uranus too.

Nice one.

[oranggunung]

Did you miss a trick here?

Heavenly bodies
Shown as ripples on a pond
the solar system

an opportunity to view the whole?

Beautifully constructed haiku. I enjoyed the 'data-rich' verses.

og

[cameron]

Thanks Kris,

I think science and poetry can make a good mix.

You know this sequence owes something to your "Monthly Haikus"!?

I've changed the Saturn one and ditched the UB40 one. I'm aware that Pluto has been struck off, but what the hell.

Thanks Minst and Og - glad you liked.

I'll probably have another go at "Mars" too.

Cheers
cam

[camus]

You know this sequence owes something to your "Monthly Haikus"!?

Indeed, although a debt to Keith is certainly required.

I do feel another coming on, not sure of the subject though, which is paramount really.

Maybe a haiku list of drugs and their effects? Or a list of musicians and their effects?

MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm.

[Bombadil]

The debt is much more in the other direction.

Fun stuff Cam. Good to see you writing. Or rather, to see some of whatever you're writing.


-K.

[twoleftfeet]

Maybe a haiku list of drugs and their effects? Or a list of musicians and their effects?
MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm.

Why not combine them? "PEDDLARS and PEDALS"

[Macavity]

Ambitious, great idea, one to chip away at over the years. Mercury is my fav. so far because of the human aspect, though I did enjoy Uranus (maybe the cold doesn't add much to ice and metal)

mac

[cameron]

Thanks Mac. Yes, "cold" and "ice" are a bit too much aren't they? I'll keep on chipping.

C

[pseud]

Pluto has been disqualified, hasn't it? I'm so behind the times...

[dedalus]

Very very nice, Cam! Mercury and Earth were my favourites. As for Pluto, who really cares what the astronomers decided? They held a vote at their convention, apparently, after which they deplanetized it, deregulated it, expelled it, sent it down to the Second Division, booted it off the squad.

[pseud]

Similiar to Cam's response, which I have just read (not having read all the responses before opening my big mouth, for shame):

I'm aware that Pluto has been struck off, but what the hell.

It is interesting, isn't it? Humans come up with a category, then put all things that fit the stipulations in that category. Pluto's non-planetness makes it no smaller, and no different in any way. But now I think of it differently. In 20 years will the haiku sequences include it?