Saturday afternoon and early evening

[dedalus]

O Jayz, I'm sad,
I've been so bad;
the noxious
things I've done
weigh like a ton.
My only son
drives like a fool,
laughs and skips away from school;
my daughter
bathes her toes in soda water
and my lovely lady wife
extinguishes my life.
Sex is a long-forgotten thing
here in the garden and the borders;
I have a lighthearted fling
with the maids, oops, marching orders.
But I have a little friend,
five foot two, eyes of blue,
in Cheltenham.
She brings out the whips and stockings.
Downright shocking.
Down on your knees, she says,
and I suck her horny toes.
You get what you pay for.
She has a mind like Diana,
Princess of our Hearts,
dumber than a bag of hammers.
Stupid women, I gather,
are sexually non-threatening
vis-a-vis insipid princes
until they turn against you.
Here, little braindead darling,
let me schtoop you rigid,
meat on a slab, totally frigid,
mind not on hell or final perdition
agog on a shopping expedition.
Oooo, that hurts! she squeals,
(delete, delete, delete)
The Master of the Western Seas!
Tomorrow comes;
tomorrow comes, it always does
until it don't.

[azathoth]

Hm,
the sad-bad rhyme in the first two lines almost makes me not wanna read the whole thing, which is retarded, because the whole things is pretty damn cool. So why rhyme sad with bad? I guess it could provide a sense of the triviality of the speaker's reflections, but the use of "noxious" nixes that because of its rarefication.<-not a word but you get it. Hm, I guess it does give a sense of the insincerity of the the speaker, but then the "lovely lady wife" who "extinguishes my life" also sounds like a forced and trite rhyme.
Hm, but then there are a lot of those, I guess it is supposed to sound whimsical and fun, which it does, with a very bleak undertone, but still, for whatever reason, sad-bad and wife-extinguishing life stuck out at me.
Anyway, I liked it overall, the vulgarity is ace and I think more is needed, like, whats the deal with (delete, delete, delete)? Though it makes the imagination flourish. also, later in the poem the rhymes are sleaker and less regular which I like.
Now what about sunday morning?

[kozmikdave]

Gidday Ded

The male rhyming sets it up, I think. Lots of instances of it as pointed out by azathoth. Almost nursery rhyme with sinister underbelly. Very playful. I enjoyed it too.

[dedalus]

This is an old one -- in that July does seem a long time ago! I love corny, cheesy rhymes. Like Gladstone with his fallen women, I set out with my little lamp in the night and try to rehabilitate them. I'm not sure if it works but I enjoy their company. And I think Gladders, the Grand Old Man (GOM has another meaning,i.e. 'a bit of a thick' in Irish) was, shall we say, a bit of an oul' dog?

Cheers, Brendan

[Merlin]

I like this too....glad Az...rescued it......very enjoyable read...

Thanks...

[beautifulloser]

Ded

Thoroughally enjoyed this, smiling as each line built up and up. Following a suggestion from Wab been reading a lot of light verse lately, this has a JCC flavour big time with those masculine rhymes. Witty and charming - but as noted, a sort of sinister under current but at the same time a whimiscal tone that layers it and softens it up, I wondered where it was all going - really flowed nicely too, nice meter.

Nice one indeed

BL
x