The People’s Pond

[camus]

Of late, there have been rumours of fish,
of local evolution, of regeneration.
They say rusted cans have transformed;
grown fins, heroin holes for gills.

I’ve heard the pram, once prominent
as a fountain, is now spurting forth
at regular intervals, blowing its top
like a drunken whale, emerging at night

as the willows lean in to listen - such
learned trees. Murmurs of mattresses
shifting like sandbanks, carrying dead
dogs to the edge, clearing its depths.

All rumours of course; today strolling
past the bandstand with no band, I see
the willows idle, strumming the surface;
a lone fisherman with a net-full of beer.

[emuse]

This is either a metaphor for the decay of civilization or is about an actual lake that has been degraded through carelessness, a neighborhood of urban blight. I think it's about the latter.

I could read this poem many times. It's stated in such a matter-of-fact voice, the reader feels like she's a passenger in a train seeing a snapshot of neglect. There is something surreal, the dogs and mattresses. It connects for me in a disoriented way. I even have a sense of the lake reflecting back odd images to the narrator. This is my favorite stanza:

All rumours of course, today strolling
past the bandstand with no band, I see
the willows idle, strumming the surface;
a loan fisherman with a net-full of beer.

Strumming the surface indeed. Nice that. I have no nits.

e

[David]

No time to linger now - my mum's (84th) birthday, stuff to organise - but this is great ... such / learned trees - brilliant.

Back later with more, I'm sure.

Cheers

David

P.S. Kris, check your spelling of lone! Or is it a cunning pun?

[twoleftfeet]

I like the way the beer cans in the final stanza of the poem links back to the beginning, possibly hinting that there is substance to the rumours, which are surreal enough to have been started by people under the influence of "substances" who frequent the park at night..
(That's my take on "heroin holes", anyway )

I love that word "regeneration" - which you've used partly in a Frankenstein's monster way; but take care! - don't let the Local Council see your poem or your lake will end up with an island in the middle housing a Tesco

Great read
Geoff

[Merlin]

Yeah..great poem this Camus...related/written in a relaxed kinda manner....presenting a sorta absurd realism (imo)...There is a sure sarcasm there...but is for the most part hidden away ...

Yeah..I liked it...cant suggest any improvements....good job...

[beautifulloser]

Hey Kris

I Luuuuurrrrve the title. I know a lake (well a pond) like that, went over to feed the ducks yesterday. There was a pram, some traffic cones, a silver metallic box thing yada yada yada . . . .

It's all dis-jointed but coherent Kris, it is a very good write. Much like the pond above, I get the feeling the lake's a metaphor for everything that's thrown in together, how we might react to simuli from other people and how that effects us . . .i.e. the "scag head" pond (as I call it) everyone chucking their shit in there effects everyone else, sort of partly fucks it up for everyone. . . .the fountain that now spurts at regular intervals when it used to flow? Presuably because the lake is full of shite. I dunno.

Like Geoff, really good use of regeneration. This too sort of fits into how I interpreted this, government throwing their weight around . . .nice touch.

Top monkey stuff - and some nice turns of phrase already mentioned. Like it - but I've probably got it completely wrong!

[oranggunung]

Kris

This is wonderful to read. I’m not worried if it’s trying to be anything greater than its superficial impression, because that impression is so enjoyable; life from stagnancy.

I liked the small alliterative moments

lean in to listen

Murmurs of mattresses

shifting like sandbanks

strumming the surface

Grammatically, I struggled with S3. As I read it, there seems to be a comma missing after mattresses. The last line in S3 trips me. I’m sure the ‘its’ is referring to the lake, but the litany of subjects prior to its usage is disorienting. A possible alternative …

dogs to shore, clearing the depths.

… avoiding repetition of ‘the’.

First line of S4 doesn’t flow smoothly for me either. Should there be commas after the words ‘rumours’ and ‘today’? If so, is there any point to the semi-colon? Should that be a plain old full stop? Aren’t two semi-colons in a stanza a little indulgent? I don’t mean to be meddlesome, I just found myself trying to make my reading a little easier.

typo?
Does a “loan fisherman” put all of their fish back?


enjoyed

og

[camus]

cheers me dears.

Indeed the poem is a stab at the regeneration lobby, a little bit of irony a little bit of surrealism, bada bing and so on.

"Loan" It should be a "cunning pun" but it ain't, its a punning cun_!

Will be changed, along with the title, as it is a pond rather than a lake! Delusions of watery grandeur going on.

OG, I'll address the punctuation issues, appreciated, although it bugs me that I still have to bother with such issues, it just don't sink in!

thanks
K

[Minstrel]

Now it could just be your style, but I'm almost sure I've read this, or something like it before.

To me, it speaks of the decline of urban parkland. The Victorian kind, with bandstands (and bands) and bowling greens and fountained ponds. Most of which are now a general dereliction and neglect by local authorities.

I particularly enjoyed:

Murmurs of mattresses
shifting like sandbanks, carrying dead
dogs to the edge, clearing its depths.

Which has a sort of dark shiftiness to it, the underbelly of a thin public veneer. Also an image that only someone who's idled many a fine hour at the waters edge could conjur.

Enjoyed.

[camus]

cheers Dave,

it could well have been this poem:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=369&p=1085&hilit=co ... ails#p1085

[Wabznasm]

Not much to crit here Kris, it's very good.

Perhaps the one bit that bugged me was 'strummed'. Is it a little out of place?

Sorry for the 3 liner, Dave.

[juliadebeauvoir]

Kris,
It's a toss up between the images of the pram whale and the dead dogs being shored up by old mattresses. Can't find much to niggle about--certainly very creative. Great image of the trees strumming the water and fisherman catching beer cans.

Our town forces us to recycle or it won't take our trash. I have to separate glass, tin, paper and put everything in a clear plastic bag. Then I have to take it to the local dump (no pick up) and separate it again into different dumpsters while a commandant attendant looks over my shoulder to make sure that I'm not sneaking a bottle in with regular trash.

This would be interesting with a photo--although you don't need one as the images are very clear cut.

Nice one,
Kim

[cameron]

Next feature; nice one Kris.

Cam

[David]

Hear hear.

[Minstrel]

I'll second that.

and yes, the poem on the link is the one I was thinking of.

Nice one.

[dillingworth]

fantastic. i loved the alliteration and especially "rumours of fish"; reminds me of "and in those days there shall be wars and rumours of wars". a modern take on pastoral with a nice cynical twist.

[camus]

thanks all.

A feature, whaheeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy.

cheers
Kris