Knees bend and tremble at the Queene's advance
Heads loll on ruffs, as on a paper plate
Salome-like she closes in to dance
M'Lord competes to be her willing mate
He covets an Appointmente To Her Courte;
He cannot know that soon he'll come a cropper
He thinks the Queene's affections can be bought -
She thinks his ruff looks like a bottle stopper
M'Lord speaks out of turn, her temper flares
Her Cobra collar stiffens at the slight
A codpiece withers in the frosty air
Eyes go to ground, and ruffled jaws lock tight
At noon, down by the Tower, drums will roll:
A severed head impaled upon a pole
-----------------------------------------------------
Originally line 10 was
Her cobra ruff viagras at the slight
- any thoughts?
Ruff Justyce
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twoleftfeet
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You can definitely call it an Elizabethan sonnet.
LIne 10 is fine as it is, stick with Cobra collar - the viagra thing's too much of an anachronism.
A codpiece withers in the frosty air - I bet it did!
No nits really.
Clever stuff - I like the combination of the form and the subject matter, very apt.
Barrie
LIne 10 is fine as it is, stick with Cobra collar - the viagra thing's too much of an anachronism.
A codpiece withers in the frosty air - I bet it did!
No nits really.
Clever stuff - I like the combination of the form and the subject matter, very apt.
Barrie
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
Geoff
I have come back and forth to this over the last few days. As barrie says good combination of the Elizabethan and the sonnet but creating a contemporary view of ingratiating behaviour - somehow it brought to mind the sacrifice after some misdemeanour of a loyal careerist Cabinet Minister by a PM.
Good decision on the viagra line.
Elphin
I have come back and forth to this over the last few days. As barrie says good combination of the Elizabethan and the sonnet but creating a contemporary view of ingratiating behaviour - somehow it brought to mind the sacrifice after some misdemeanour of a loyal careerist Cabinet Minister by a PM.
Good decision on the viagra line.
Elphin
Geoff
This is right on the money - a large dollop of history and a hint of Galton and Simpson to boot.
He cannot know that soon he'll come a cropper...
She thinks his ruff looks like a bottle stopper
Pure Tony Hancock. Nice one.
There's lots to enjoy in this one.
I think you capture very nicely the social climbing imperative of the Tudor courtier and the danger that went with cocking it up.
Great stuff, Geoff.
This is right on the money - a large dollop of history and a hint of Galton and Simpson to boot.
He cannot know that soon he'll come a cropper...
She thinks his ruff looks like a bottle stopper
Pure Tony Hancock. Nice one.
There's lots to enjoy in this one.
Very clever John the Baptist imagery - Heads loll on ruffs is excellent.twoleftfeet wrote:Heads loll on ruffs, as on a paper plate
Salome-like she closes in to dance
Enough said!twoleftfeet wrote:Her Cobra collar stiffens at the slight
A codpiece withers in the frosty air
I think you capture very nicely the social climbing imperative of the Tudor courtier and the danger that went with cocking it up.
Great stuff, Geoff.
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
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The Forger
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I guess this poses the inevitable question of the use of antiquated phrasing in a contemporary poem. There's a Scottish poet, Robert Crawford I believe, who does this a lot and mixes in dialect as well. I think this one would be done more justice performed than on the page. Anyone for a full stop after slight? Plenty of nice rhymes to keep it flowing. Interesting stuff.
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twoleftfeet
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Thanks all,
It seems to be thumbs down for Viagra then?!!
Barrie
You're right - a sonnet about Elizabeth just has to be an Elizabethan sonnet.
I suppose Mary would fit the bill too, but I don't think she went in for those huge ruffs that Liz1 liked.
How many women over the centuries have had powerful men by the balls and not been afraid to squeeze?
I can just picture Maggie Thatcher in a ruff - brings tears to the eyes..
Elph
I wasn't thinking of any modern politicians: these days they can't even be trusted to fall on their swords
metaphorically; in Elizabeth's day the sword fell on them.
Oskar
Galton and Simpson? I'm flattered!
I'm glad you picked up on the "Heads loll on ruffs, as on a paper plate" line, because that's where the poem
started - a picture that summed up 1)an outrageously ostentatious fashion and 2) the dangers of being a courtier.
This isn't the picture, but it's close:
http://www.renaissancegowns.com/hilliard01.jpg
Forger
Hi and welcome to the Forum
My excuse for using modern language and slang is that I am looking at ruffs from a 20th century perspective
(Yes, I know it's the 21st century, but I struggle to keep up - hence the Viagra)
Cheers
Geoff
It seems to be thumbs down for Viagra then?!!
Barrie
You're right - a sonnet about Elizabeth just has to be an Elizabethan sonnet.
I suppose Mary would fit the bill too, but I don't think she went in for those huge ruffs that Liz1 liked.
How many women over the centuries have had powerful men by the balls and not been afraid to squeeze?
I can just picture Maggie Thatcher in a ruff - brings tears to the eyes..
Elph
I wasn't thinking of any modern politicians: these days they can't even be trusted to fall on their swords
metaphorically; in Elizabeth's day the sword fell on them.
Oskar
Galton and Simpson? I'm flattered!
I'm glad you picked up on the "Heads loll on ruffs, as on a paper plate" line, because that's where the poem
started - a picture that summed up 1)an outrageously ostentatious fashion and 2) the dangers of being a courtier.
This isn't the picture, but it's close:
http://www.renaissancegowns.com/hilliard01.jpg
Forger
Hi and welcome to the Forum
My excuse for using modern language and slang is that I am looking at ruffs from a 20th century perspective
(Yes, I know it's the 21st century, but I struggle to keep up - hence the Viagra)
Cheers
Geoff
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juliadebeauvoir
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I like how you teased the sonnet into a modern twist.
Some striking lines:
The only nit I have is 'ruffled jaws lock tight'--I agree that the description is gives the jaw a little flair but the mention of the collar comes up three times before.
I love anything about Elizabeth so this was a treat to read!
Cheers,
Kim
Some striking lines:
Glad you left Viagra out of there. Nobody wants a stiff collar for four hours!Heads loll on ruffs, as on a paper plate
She thinks his ruff looks like a bottle stopper
Her Cobra collar stiffens at the slight
The only nit I have is 'ruffled jaws lock tight'--I agree that the description is gives the jaw a little flair but the mention of the collar comes up three times before.
I love anything about Elizabeth so this was a treat to read!
Cheers,
Kim
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
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twoleftfeet
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Thanks, Kim
I did have my doubts about using "ruffled" for the reason you've described, but I thought I could get away with using
it in its sense of "flustered" (which, Incidentally, was the only synonym I could find to fit the meter)
Geoff
I did have my doubts about using "ruffled" for the reason you've described, but I thought I could get away with using
it in its sense of "flustered" (which, Incidentally, was the only synonym I could find to fit the meter)
- This is a Poetry Forum - Let's not get into BDSM!juliadebeauvoir wrote: Nobody wants a stiff collar for four hours!
Kim
Geoff
Geoff
I'm familiar with the Hilliard miniature - it's a megamungus ruff for such a small painting, but not as impressive as one I have recently seen, painted by Pieter Brueghel the Elder. I can't reply in kind with the image, as I don't know the title of the portrait. Sufficed to say the lady in question wore a ruff the size of the Victor Emmanuel monument. It looked like her head had been placed on top of a bloody great wedding cake. Not quite the subject I tend to associate with Brueghel - not a grotesque peasant in sight.
Further to Galton and Simpson, your poem reminded me of a moment from a Hancock's Half Hour in which the lad himself had managed to wangle an invitation to a society 'do' and was trying, unsuccessfully of course, to pass himself off as a toff -
HATTIE JACQUES: Oh, the dancing's started. Can you do Sir Roger de Coverly?
TONY HANCOCK: Why? Has he upset you? I'll have him outside.
Cheers.
I'm familiar with the Hilliard miniature - it's a megamungus ruff for such a small painting, but not as impressive as one I have recently seen, painted by Pieter Brueghel the Elder. I can't reply in kind with the image, as I don't know the title of the portrait. Sufficed to say the lady in question wore a ruff the size of the Victor Emmanuel monument. It looked like her head had been placed on top of a bloody great wedding cake. Not quite the subject I tend to associate with Brueghel - not a grotesque peasant in sight.
Further to Galton and Simpson, your poem reminded me of a moment from a Hancock's Half Hour in which the lad himself had managed to wangle an invitation to a society 'do' and was trying, unsuccessfully of course, to pass himself off as a toff -
HATTIE JACQUES: Oh, the dancing's started. Can you do Sir Roger de Coverly?
TONY HANCOCK: Why? Has he upset you? I'll have him outside.
Cheers.
"This is going to be a damn masterpiece, when I finish dis..." - Poeterry
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twoleftfeet
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That reminds me of when Del Boy went clay-pigeon shooting at a posh Estate with a sawn-off shotgun borrowed from abank-robber, who didn't mind because it was a Saturday!Oskar wrote:Further to Galton and Simpson, your poem reminded me of a moment from a Hancock's Half Hour in which the lad himself had managed to wangle an invitation to a society 'do' and was trying, unsuccessfully of course, to pass himself off as a toff -
HATTIE JACQUES: Oh, the dancing's started. Can you do Sir Roger de Coverly?
TONY HANCOCK: Why? Has he upset you? I'll have him outside.
Geoff
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ccvulture
An amusing piece. I appreciate the way you hide your emotions behind the language of the court of good queene Bess. Or is it Blackadder II who's your influence, hehe?
For some reason this reminded me of Jabberwocky, though not of course in terms of diction. More that it seems to bounce along in the same way and tells a bizarrely enjoyable tale of kings 'n' queens.
Cheers
Stuart
For some reason this reminded me of Jabberwocky, though not of course in terms of diction. More that it seems to bounce along in the same way and tells a bizarrely enjoyable tale of kings 'n' queens.
Cheers
Stuart