Poetry Forum

Written a while back... thought about a resurrection...

Relational

Anna once had rampant sex with Billy,
Cath is Billys sister, Annas friend.
Dennis wants to marry Annas daughter,
Ellen says she loves me. Its pretend.

Billys brother Franks in love with Gareth.
(Gareths sister Harriets my niece)
Gareth though is straight, just split from Ellen.
Ellen says she loves me, Im her squeeze.

Ian drinks with Billy, still sees Anna,
Once screwed Cath and Harriet in the club.
Cath and Billy fought like wasps for Ellen.
Ellen says she loves me, Im her hub.

Jack and Kev and Larry leer at ladies,
Marybeth and Nina find this sweet.
Ninas brother Olivers protective.
But Ellen says she loves me, shes complete.

Peter wants to marry Annas daughter;
Dennis dines with Peter Wednesday night.
Peter fights with Dennis on a Friday.
Ellen says she loves me, her delight.

Quentin, Ellens brother, fancies Larry.
(Jack once had to threaten him with fist).
Frank and Quentin once had something going.
Ellen says she loves me, when shes pissed.

Robbies father Steve is Ninas husband,
The difference in their ages 22.
Ninas brother Olivers protective.
Ellen says she loves me, and its true.

Anna wants to marry Peters father,
Terry, who has fondled Ellens breasts.
Marybeth has started seeing Uri.
Ellen says she loves me (she suggests).

Uri comes from Europe, I dont know him.
Valerie, his former flame, she died.
Winnie knows him, Marybeths been cautioned.
Ellen said she loved me, but she lied.

Steve saw Ian go outside with Ellen,
Robbie heard them fumbling with their zips,
Cath took polaroids, Ellen and I have seen them.
Ellen says I love you, read my lips.

Xavier and Zero both want Ellen
(I dont know them, young Yvette’s their friend).
Zero punched up Xavier on Sunday,
And Ellen said she loved me; all pretend.

cool, liked the rhymes.

At first I thought Ellen was symbolic of the constant among the madness, but then her fumble with Ian dashed that idea - all pretend.Tragic.

Nice one.

PS you are missing some ' - Actually I've confused myself, for example:

"Robbies father Steve is Ninas husband," does Robbies require an apostrophe? the father does "belong" to Robbie?

cheers
Kris

The rhyme in this is very neat - enjoyable sort of read too - cant say much else....one thing though, ccv.....some of the lines are kinda abrupt - but I guess this is intentional as the poem is making statements!

Great fun Stuart - as I read it I actually found myself wondering if it all worked out with ellen in the end. It didn't - just pretend.

Where was Anallie while this was going on ?

Ninas brother Olivers protective - twice

Elphin

Slyly brilliant: sounds like a cast party on the set of "Rome"!

Stu,

I would need a Relational Database to keep track of all the goings-on in this poem!
I was dreading that, at the end, you would be asking questions!!

Great fun
Geoff
btw why did you bother with the one apostrophe (Yvette's) when you have left out all the others..

Tried to follow it, failed, tried again, failed. I think there might be something wrong with me. Evenually, just gave up and enjoyed the fun sounds and rhythms. Like it.

Sarah.

twoleftfeet wrote:Stu,

I would need a Relational Database to keep track of all the goings-on in this poem!
I was dreading that, at the end, you would be asking questions!!

Great fun
Geoff
btw why did you bother with the one apostrophe (Yvette's) when you have left out all the others..

Hmm, I think the apostrophes have got lost over a succession of cut 'n' pastes - apart from Yvette's, who has only just appeared in the poem

Stuart

feature?

reminded me of some bawdy Carry - On romp, with people hiding behind doors with lampshades on their head (if you know what I mean?!?)

Wow this is good stu. A perfect poem for an open mic. I kept thinking Ellen might be a lesbian because Cath faught for her but apparently everybody wants Ellen!

This line bumped for me

Winnie knows him, Marybeths been cautioned.

Even though it's a ten count, there's something doesn't match the rhythm for me. Just me?

e

Thanks E - I can't see what's wrong with the rhythm of that line, unless you mean the caesura spoils the flow? It used to be one of staple open-mikers, this. Mind, I haven't performed for a couple of years now

Camus - If you can swing a feature out of this, who am I to stop you? And I'd be honoured.

Sarah - I think you pretty much got the poem, then. It is supposed to be impenetrable but irrestible. Like Ellen.


Cheers
Stuart