Poetry Forum

Colin emerged
from the ice cream van
His hands were unbound
blindfold removed - according to plan
Beneath cool glow lantern light
he watched fireworks
fizz through Cola sky
behind the contoured silhouette
he was standing by

Rusted Mr Whippy chimes
kazooed When You Wish Upon A Star
sporadically
But as it was early November
and the building looked suspiciously like Tesco's
Colin guessed that
contrary to what his dad had said
this was not the visit to Disneyland
he'd been promised

Colin
and the very idea of Walt
were put back on ice

I had to read your poem, its the best title ever. As for the poem I have nothing to say apart from I really, really liked it. I know this thread is meant to offer adult comment but you know I really cannot say anything bad. Nice read and thank you

It reminded me of Albert and the Lion without the rhyme (and the death).

Maybe use an article with Cola sky?

Sounds like something that Delboy would have pulled on Rodney when he was a kid. Good cryogenic ending - Will they ever de-frost him?

nice one

Barrie

A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

barrie wrote:It reminded me of Albert and the Lion without the rhyme (and the death).

Maybe use an article with Cola sky?


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I thought about that also but I think it works as is

"C'est la vie", say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell.

Think I'll file this one under Titanic.

lars
Glad you found the title amusing and I appreciate your comments. Cheers.

barrie
You're reading my mind and my books again. I have a book of Stanley Holloway monologues that I've recently dipped back into after a long period of neglect. It never entered my head that I was tipping my hat to Albert and the Lion, but who knows? I used to be able to recite it word perfect.

barrie wrote:Maybe use an article with Cola sky?

You may have a point. I can live with a Cola sky.

My favourite Stanley Holloway monologue? It's got to be Brahn Boots.

Thanks, as ever.

Great title and puts me in mind of many broken holiday promises.

Can,t really add more.

I like Marriot Edgar's Alternative History. 'Battle of Hastings' is a goodun, but I think Canute the Great edges it.

http://monologues.co.uk/Marriott-index.htm

Cheers

Barrie

Lovely funny stuff, Osk, but there seem to be rather sinister overtones as well - you've got a bit of a kidnapping vibe going on - or is it just me? Whatever, it adds to the enjoyment. And I agree with lars, it's a cracking title.

Sometimes good titles come first, and the poem follows. Did that happen here?

Cheers

David

Oskar,

I hesitated to post because, like David, I was getting a dark vibe from this ("hands unbound") and was
expecting to see "step-dad" rather than Dad if you know-wot-I-mean, plus I though you may have been watching
the new TV series DEXTER which features the scary Ice-Truck Killer (who, strangely, kills people )

Brownie points for writing a poem that can be viewed in such divergent ways.
Great ending.

Geoff

John G wrote:puts me in mind of many broken holiday promises.

I never suffered from broken holiday promises myself. I always suffered when I got there. New Beach Holiday Camp at Bognor Regis (maximum security watchtowers included) - five years on the trot, mate! As soon as dad's Ford Anglia made it through the entrance gates, I was signed up for the Badger Club and then chained to a wannabe Ken Dodd for a week.

barrie

Thanks very much for the link. Yep, Canute the Great is a corker. I particularly liked

When the battle were done, Crown of England,
Changed heads, so the history book states,
From Ethelred's seven-and-a-quarter
To King Canutes six-and-five-eights.

David wrote:Sometimes good titles come first, and the poem follows. Did that happen here?

No, not on this occasion. The Mr Whippy angle didn't occur to me until I started to redraft. Poor old Colin was originally being pulled out the boot of a Ford Capri. Then I realised that if I used an ice cream van instead, it would not only make the whole scene more bizarre, but I could use the bell chimes for comic effect and have the bonus of a Walt Disney/cryogenic ending by linking the two together.

twoleftfeet wrote:I was getting a dark vibe from this ("hands unbound") and was
expecting to see "step-dad" rather than Dad if you know-wot-I-mean

That part of it is supposed to be unsettling and introduce an element of, hang on, what's going on here?! You're right to ponder on the dubious dad and yes it is rather topical, although that was never my intention. There's one in the pipeline about Colin's dad that picks up on a previous effort of mine, Cloak and Dagger. I'm not quite there with it yet, though but.

Cheers for the comments.

Hey Osk, the title is fab and have to agree with others on the excellent ending.

Nice one

xx

Oskar, sounds like my childhood trips to Butlins, Shane Richie redcoats and the beaver club.

John G wrote:Oskar, sounds like my childhood trips to Butlins, Shane Richie redcoats and the beaver club.

- Beaver Club eh? - That sounds interesting.

alas, no beavers were present

Yep. Comes through, Moriarty. Definitely! So who's Colin, then? You? Name seems to crop up.