Social Motion

[beautifulloser]

Befriending glues of gratuity
the gregarious guru,
or a clandestine manipulator
kissing with poisonous lips
and mid-sentence kinesthetics.

Flooding technicoloured valleys
where the words said, rest.
Cooking in a jungle furnace
as phrases cajole minds,
conditioned thought vines,
tugging our incubated mundanity.

She smiles shyly.
Dabbles in neuro-chemistry
searing sheets of serotonin,
as our lives and galvanised
speech caress the spirit.

Tomorrow, slumped in a relative low
on a curtain-drawn bank holiday,
we pose where the time goes
as the Earth spins in nothing.

[Cooper]

Hi there, I found this to be a little wordy for my liking, with some unecessary language. Though that said, it suits the theme of the poem and creates a certain atmosphere. Is that your style maybe? I liked 'Cooking in a jungle furnace' , I felt a sense of bitterness, and dectected irony in the title.. good stuff

[emuse]

Another amazing poem.

I'll be back for a full response.

e

[Pomme de Terre]

This is probably the first poem I've read that has used the word "serotonin." You've used it well by comandeering what should be a clinical (quite literally) term, and twisted it around for your own purposes.

Also, I particularly enjoyed the absence of the poetic 'I'. I think people rely upon it too readily, most probably because it comes so naturally when speaking. Saying that, I might be in the minority in being against 'ordinary language' poetry (not to mention philosophy, such as Wittgenstein and Gilbert Ryle) as being unnecessarily restrictive.

This absence worked well, especially against the inclusion of 'she'. I feel that poems based around a 'I' 'she' dialectic are too wearisome. (Remind Rilke's advice: do not write love poetry! Valuable.)

[camus]

BL,

Old chap, I'll be honest and say your penchant for using sesquipedalian word-smithery, often loses me. That I suppose is my failing. I guess in the back of my mind I'm thinking (lack of substance) just chucking out big words, for the hell of it, that again does you a disservice, but I'm just basing my thoughts on initial reaction, for that's about as far as I can go without delving dictionaries, and I can't be arsed with that!

On a more positive note you always manage to slip some beautiful profundities between the wars:

"where the words said, rest."

"on a curtain-drawn bank holiday,
we pose where the time goes"

So please keep em coming.

cheers
Kris

[beautifulloser]

Howdy Folks

Ta muchly. Hmmm, yeh tis wordy innit.

But come on dudes:

"glues of gratuity the gregarious guru" - well, made me chuckle. Who wouldn't want to be a gregarious guru?, I might get some business cards knocked up - a completely false assertion I might add.

Cheers E, appreciate your thoughts when ya have some time spare me dear.

Thanks Cooper, and welcome! Fair comment. As for unecessary language, totally agree, who came up with these bloody words anyway? My style has a mercurial miserable-shit-head sensibility

Hello Mr Pomme, and welcome to you too, Sir. Yeh I'd agree with that, suppose it's an obvious thing to lunge for but hadn't thought about it until now. Appreciate the thought.

Oh nevermind, Krissy boy. Everyone knows ya a dumb arse, so don't feel so bad about it mate. (do I insert obligatory smile?, nah, fuck it.) No seriously, I know what you mean. They were chosen for timbre, or whatever the right poetic term is. Fair cop though. I mean if they're there, then use them, no?

I've always found poetry good for vocab (pending the botheredness state I'm in at the time) . . . . so is it a bad thing or not, I dunno . . . maybe this one is over the top. Just thinking what they are . . . Gregarious, Clandestine and Serotonin, perhaps? Galvanised? I'm sure most people heard of them, even if they don't know exact meaning? Hmm, dunno, interesting point and I'll stew on it. Much obliged.

Yeh, there's more bullshit from where this one came from.

Big kiss all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[thefallofRome]

beautifulloser--

... I actually don't mind the wordiness. I think the diction adds a kick to the general rhythm of the poem. I especially like the third stanza--"searing sheets of serotonin,/ as our lives and galvanised/ speech caress the spirit."
Nice. And to each his/her own. I liked the vocabulary.

--rome.