Poetry Forum

Drifting
into the still of the reeds,
I watch
bullrush cotton
hanging on the warm morning.

A froghop
from my face,
a curious dragonfly
tries to make sense
of a fool in a boat.

barrie

A kind of "ah grasshopper" feel to this. Liking a froghop from my face.

What do you think to warming morning - I quite like the extra stress and all the ings in that stanza - or is it an ing too much?

Fools in boats - aren't we all?

elph

Barrie

I like the quiet and near stillness created in S1 and the way you turn the perspective of the whole thing round to that of the frog at the end.

Are we all too far gone to ever truly be at one with nature? I tried it wearing flip-flops and a pair of elderly shorts in my own backgarden recently - failed miserably.

Nice one.

Barrie, you do the Tao thing very well.

Hard to nitpick.

nice.

This is a wonderful scene. With few words, you created an atmosphere that tickles the imagination and doesn't need explicit description. One can hear the occasional lop of water against the boat, see and taste the mist. I know it's a warm morning, but I think it's misty. Even if it's not (in your head) then that's perfectly fine. It just highlights a job well done in using the audience.

As for mist, it's a typical morning feature, especially on the water. It also makes the bullrush hanging on the morning a much more poignant image.

Anyway, work is calling, but froghop from my face, curious dragonfly trying to make sense of a fool in a boat, it's all very good.

The two boys are probably right in what they're picking up, but I'm not looking for any undertones, I'm just taking it at face value - calm, introspective, insightful. Allegory? Whatever.

Just time to say nice one before I'm hauled off to ye pub by wife and friends.

Nice one, Barrie. I'll try to get back to say more (although nothing more really needs to be said).

Cheers

David

At once, simple and profound - that is how I'd describe a Fool too!

Nice work indeed, Grasshopper Froghopper

Ezra Pond

barrie imagiste. Excellent.

This has a neat poise to it, Barrie, although I'm not sure dragonflies care.

I'm jealous of your brevity, as usual. Less is more.

Cheers

Stuart

Thanks Elph -

Elphin wrote:Fools in boats - aren't we all?

- Exactly.

Not so sure about another ‘ing’, I like the lingering ‘M’ in ‘warm morning’.

Thanks Oskar - froghop was just an attempt to be original, as opposed to saying ‘a couple of feet’ or whatever. I never saw it the way you did, but I can see it now. Would that be called lateral interpretation?

Thanks Kris -

camus wrote:Barrie, you do the Tao thing very well.

- I’ve been practising…..I’m still a short tempered sod though, even after all these years.

Thanks Travis - Ah, the mist: it had been misty earlier on, about a foot deep covering the lake (Grasmere), but it soon disappeared - A surfacing hand brandishing a sword wouldn't have seemed out of place.

Thanks David - I’ve never actually had a beer that was brewed on the IOM. Do you have a decent brewery there?

Thanks Mr Pond - may your feet never drift to the right.

Thanks Tatie - Glad you liked it.

Thanks Stu -

stuartryder wrote:although I'm not sure dragonflies care.

- Of course they do, they're always telling me!

cheers all

Barrie

Barrie,

I wonder what it will look like if it is put into Chinese.

Work pressure here, will be back later.

Lake

barrie wrote:Thanks David - I’ve never actually had a beer that was brewed on the IOM. Do you have a decent brewery there?

Well, we have Okells, which can be okay, and Bushy's, which can be good, but nothing to write home - or away - about.

Guest beers are always the best bet, sad to say.

Thanks Lake

Lake wrote:I wonder what it will look like if it is put into Chinese.

- I don't know Lake, but I'd love to find out (hint, hint).

David - If the beer's good then it doesn't matter where it's from - there are lots of good breweries out there (Bayern, especially).

cheers

Barrie

Oh my! I’m afraid no one would suspect from reading this that you are an eastern writer.

The scene set up in S1 has a very nice feel, serene and meditative.

a curious dragonfly
tries to make sense
of a fool in a boat

I like this part a lot – a personified dragonfly, usually a fool has no sense while the dragonfly tries to make sense of him. I also feel a sense of self mocking here.

‘a fool in a boat’ reminds me of a poem River Snow:

A thousand mountains and no bird,
Ten thousand paths without a footprint,
A little boat, a bamboo cloak,
An old man fishing,
In the cold river-snow.

Other people may think that old man fishing in the cold alone is a fool, but he, aloof from politics and material pursuits, has a calm and clear mind.

Lake wrote:Oh my! I’m afraid no one would suspect from reading this that you are an eastern writer.

- Curses - I've been rumbled!

If it reminds you of Liu Tsung-Yuan then I've achieved something - Thanks Lake

Barrie

barrie wrote: - Curses - I've been rumbled!

More curses; here is my translation:

Fools and Dragonflies

by Barrie

Drifting
into the still of the reeds,
I watch
bullrush cotton
hanging on the warm morning.

A froghop
from my face,
a curious dragonfly
tries to make sense
of a fool in a boat.


傻瓜和蜻蜓

Tr. Lake

漂
入芦苇的寂静
我观看
蒲絮
挂在温暖的清晨

蛙跳
咫尺眼前
一只好奇的蜻蜓
试图弄懂
船上的傻瓜

.

Thanks a lot Lake - I just can't get it to print out in black - It keeps coming out gold.

Barrie

barrie wrote:I just can't get it to print out in black - It keeps coming out gold.

Barrie

Strange. But as long as the characters show, it is even better in gold - in the morning under the sun.

Lake wrote:Oh my! I’m afraid no one would suspect from reading this that you are an eastern writer.

You know, when I first read this comment, I could have sworn that there was a "not" missing.

There isn't?

David wrote: You know, when I first read this comment, I could have sworn that there was a "not" missing.

There isn't?

Hi David,

You're right - the use of these double negatives makes me headache. No wonder Barrie says it is a curse.

Hullo - after a long absence I clicked on this and grinned widely... I love the imagery conveyed - 'bullrush cotton' is perfect. The first stanza reflects, to my eyes, the wavelike motion of ripples, the sigmoid shape is in keeping with the essence of the poem, and the gentle words are carefully chosen.
This poem creeps up on me softly. The comedic ending is wondrous - nature has an extraordinary way of making sense of things, indeed we are fools to try and delve into something as perfect as a sleepy watering hole.
Thanks for brightening my Sunday.

Thanks B - Glad it struck a chord.

I hope this isn't a flying visit and you're planning to stay around. Time to stick up another poem on the board, methinks - it's been a year since your last.

cheers

Barrie