Poetry Forum

6:30

Tear curtain aside, like a flimsy page.

Yellow polkas increase my
eyes, as Daffs with dandruff
shake the freeze, and
next door’s dog
shits carefully.
Ears combed back in the breeze.
A cold Elvis type dog.

My better half, hops, burglar style across
the crackling lawn, forearms drawn up
like a cheeky chipmunk, or Velociraptor.
Slippers drenched, when crunched, she’s
forgotten her nurses uniform, stiff on the line,

not expected
in April time.
she’s not a call girl!
she’s a nurse.

10:30

I wonder into the garden, April jokes aside,
I laugh at the deep deep green of the day.

Good observation, freak weather events occur frequently but we forget quickly and imagine our climate to be monotonous and dull. We skies are too often grey but if you ever lived in a desert you would come to appreciate the benign cosseting climate we are the beneficiaries of.

PS I personally disapprove of foul language being used in poetry, it should be seen as a challenge to the poet to find an appropriete word; there are a wealth of good words out there.

uh oh...

that same old story, same old song and dance...

Clion,

You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I warn you, there are many of us here who will use far "worse" words than shit, and I don't believe a poet's voice is at all hindered or slandered in so doing... Anyway, if you've a problem with it, I fear this poem will have not even scratched your surface in comparison to several others of very arguably better quality, regardless of the language used.

Cheers,

A.S.

Thanks for commenting Clion,

It was a throw away poem really, writing for writings sake. Can you think of a more appropriate word for dogshit?

There's the rub!

Anyway you look at it it's still something that came from a dog's ass. Moralized gradations of language (purported obscenities) fascinate me.

Ex: Bodily Functions

#1, pee-pee, pee, piss: urine.
#2, poo-poo, poop, crap, shit: feces. It stinks the same no matter what you call it.

Bloody wonderful: they're all the same--equally vulgar when you have to clean them up, equally nonsensical when used in place of another. I could go on to body parts, but that's sure to raise somebody's blood pressure.

Keith

Though your point is less-than-beautifully driven home Keith, I won't bother arguing with it. I'm not sure there's any poetry that can make use of "canine excrement."

I think this whole debate is ridiculous. No word should be out bounds in literature. Poetry is where we extend the language to its limits. If even half-words or nonsensical words are fair game - as they often are in contemporary poetry - then why the fuck shouldn't one say shit?

I think the 'shit' in question fits very well, esp. alongside an adverb one wouldn't usually associate with it 'carefully'. And, shamefully enough, this one line was the one that snagged me.

Good poem, camus, I like your style.

well said, pb.

i agree withevery word you said, especially the last few!

alex

Seems to me that clion's reaction to this "foul-language in poetry" deal is to say there should be none. That is a little much. But there should be more creativity sometimes. In that much he's right.

Isn't the whole point the message? In camus' poem the language does serve a purpose, if even a small one, as "shits carefully" is an interesting line that could describe what a great deal of human kind is doing.

But if the language serves no real purpose and somebody just throws ten or fifteen in a stanza because they feel unoriginal...which happens often...I don't really like it or see any greatness in it, and I'd have to agree with clion.

eh up.

The dood shit carefully so he wouldn't drag his ass in the goddam snow.

On a personal level if the language is relevant then why not use it ?I enjoy foul language in the right situations. Lets face it, a good cuss can prove extremely cathartic.

And as for the tired old adage "Poets shouldn't limit their language, there are so many great words to choose from etc etc " That's pompous bollocks.

Keep it up guys.

The dood shit carefully so he wouldn't drag his ass in the goddam snow.

I'm entitled to my opinion as to the motives of the dog...hahaha

It's all subjective