Poetry Forum

People are getting betrothed,
and wearing green,
and going on pilgrimages.

There is harvesting,
and hawking,
and amorous conversation.

The sky is unquizzably blue
but the saints are in it,
and they're waiting for your call.

God is an edible presence.
Through his priests he greets us:
Bless you! Bless you! Bless you!

It's 1347,
and everybody
is feeling fine.

.....meanwhile, a fleet of Genoese traders sail into Messina.....

The calm before the storm, eh?

God is an edible presence.
Through his priests he greets us:
Bless you! Bless you! Bless you! - I like this verse, although I might have used Christ instead of God as a reference to the sacrament.

Reminds me of Brueghel's village/market paintings in a way - Much lighter though, plus there's no one having a piss in a corner.

Fancy writing this this just before you go to Italy - Don't bring anything back!

nice one

Barrie

Is that the year of the Black Death?

Read Lucretius on plague - final part of Book Six of "The Universe"

Stuart

You conjur up a nice atmosphere here, and it's very vivid. However, without looking up 1347, the (presumed?) significance would be lost, and with it any resonance. Is perhaps a prose introduction / postscript called for?

Cheers,

Jon

David

A delicately written poem that fits the sensibilities of the age. I like the way the 'Invisible Hand of God' is ever-present and about, as subtly presaged in your ending, to slap everyone in the face.

The only lines that didn't quite fit IMO, were -

The sky is UNQUIZZABLY blue
BUT the saints are in it

Alright, the sky is blue because God fancied a nice blue rather than (let's say) brown, and Science was still looking over its shoulder at the Church and therefore not about to openly postulate any heretical theories about God's world. However, the use of unquizzably seems out of place here, almost too modern.

Also, to follow up with

but the saints are in it

doesn't quite make sense to me. Wouldn't it be better to write

as the saints are in it

if only to justify the unquestioning acceptance of nature as a manifestation of God's will.

Another elegant offering. Great stuff, David.

David,

I wasn't sure of the significance of "1347" and was about to Google it until I read
and they're waiting for your call.
wherupon I though it might have something to do with 1571!!

I like the ending, but I think you need to get a ring o' roses style dance in there somewhere.

Wat Tyler

.....meanwhile, a fleet of Genoese traders sail into Messina.....

You got it, Barrie. I knew you would.

Fancy writing this this just before you go to Italy - Don't bring anything back!

Oo-er - I never thought of that!

Year before, Stu - for us, anyway. Lucretius, eh? I'll keep an eye out.

I did wonder about using the year, tout court, Jon, but I thought 1348 might be a well-known date. Sellars & Yeatman said that there were only two dates in English history - 1066 and 55 BC. I think that might now be 1066 and 1966, and it's the latter that seems more like ancient history.

Good point there, Osk. I think actually describing the sky as "unquizzable" raises the possibility that it might, in fact, be quizzable, which would have been sacrilegious, so the second line is a retreat to safer orthodoxy. That's what I think, anyway.

Geoff, don't tell me - 1571 is some sort of British Telecom service?

I like the ending, but I think you need to get a ring o' roses style dance in there somewhere.

And what thinkest thou that my "Bless you! Bless you! Bless you!" line is, then?

You peasant.

Cheers

David

[quote="David]
Geoff, don't tell me - 1571 is some sort of British Telecom service?
Indeed

[/quote]

[quote="David]

I like the ending, but I think you need to get a ring o' roses style dance in there somewhere.

And what thinkest thou that my "Bless you! Bless you! Bless you!" line is, then?

You peasant.

[/quote]

Double DOH!

Just to stir up that last discussion. It is a common myth that the ring o roses stuff references to the black death. There is no contemporary evidence to suppoort this, and in fact no modern evidence to link it to the original published appearance of the rhyme in 1880 odd. It's much the same as the V fingers being used by British Longbowmen at Agincourt... apparently rubbish.

oh and I like the poem btw

People are getting betrothed,
and wearing green,
and going on pilgrimages.

There is harvesting,
and hawking,
and amorous conversation.

The sky is unquizzably blue
but the saints are in it,
and they're waiting for your call.

God is an edible presence.
Through his priests he greets us:
Bless you! Bless you! Bless you!

It's 1347,
and everybody
is feeling fine.


I must admit I was also waiting for a plague breakout somewhere. The second stanza was my favourite-I liked harvesting and hawking and the feel of a way of talking which I fondly imagine has been ended by technological ways of communicating. The problem I had with 'feeling fine' as a phrase is that it reminds me of Herman's Hermits and it seemed like a beach chorus could be out there somewhere. But that's minor. I like the certainty of the saints in the sky. Yup, I'm there!!!

Many thanks

jacq

"And what thinkest thou that my "Bless you! Bless you! Bless you!" line is, then?"

so shouldn't it be "I bless you! I bless you!" for meter?

zalina, x

Big D - I like S2, but I'm struggling to get inside this. Wikipedia was suitably predictable in confusing the situation further.

I found the read stuttered a little for my tastes, just the commas and line breaks. For example, as a suggestion the below read with more fludity to me:

People are getting betrothed
and wearing green,
going on pilgrimages.

Sorry not a substantial crit mate, main comment was on the flow of the piece.

big love

me
x

TDF wrote:Just to stir up that last discussion. It is a common myth that the ring o roses stuff references to the black death. There is no contemporary evidence to suppoort this, and in fact no modern evidence to link it to the original published appearance of the rhyme in 1880 odd.

So: it's A'Tishoo of lies, is it? Well, I'll be blowed!