Poetry Forum

SIGH FOR MADRID



The dead do not weep
they have left the middle state
where tears are all there are to assuage grief
and ever round in close embracing dance
tread the opposing agencies of horror and romance
One bends to plant in earth the flowers of joy
it's opposite's belief is dedicated to destroy.

Very well done. The imagery is used in a refreshing way, in my opinion.

Reminds me of Sting's "They Dance Alone," or perhaps the horrible history of Argentina, or China's Red Square. You may have been referring to something totally different? If so my apologies. This poem definitely touches the subject of mourning over death, though.

I'd love to know why you assigned this poem that title. I'm just too dense and un-versed in the history and culture of Madrid to really understand, perhaps.

One thing I noticed, as far as the structure of the poem is concerned, I found the last line rather lacking as it was. But if the last four lines were switched:

"One bends to plant in earth the flowers of joy
it's opposite's belief is dedicated to destroy
and ever round in close embracing dance
tread the opposing agencies of horror and romance."

The poem seems to have more finality and flow towards a conclusion that way. It will still need some reworking even if you switch the lines around so that it makes sense with the first three, but, I prefer not to criticize without proposing a solution.

I'll say what I do every time I propose something like this though - do with it as you will. 9 out of 10 people think I'm a bad critique. Of course 7 out of 10 people don't trust statistics....

Anyhow, regardless of pithy remarks, nice poem.

- Caleb

pseudonymous wrote:Very well done. The imagery is used in a refreshing way, in my opinion.

Reminds me of Sting's "They Dance Alone," or perhaps the horrible history of Argentina, or China's Red Square. You may have been referring to something totally different? If so my apologies. This poem definitely touches the subject of mourning over death, though.

I'd love to know why you assigned this poem that title. I'm just too dense and un-versed in the history and culture of Madrid to really understand, perhaps.

One thing I noticed, as far as the structure of the poem is concerned, I found the last line rather lacking as it was. But if the last four lines were switched:

"One bends to plant in earth the flowers of joy
it's opposite's belief is dedicated to destroy
and ever round in close embracing dance
tread the opposing agencies of horror and romance."

The poem seems to have more finality and flow towards a conclusion that way. It will still need some reworking even if you switch the lines around so that it makes sense with the first three, but, I prefer not to criticize without proposing a solution.

I'll say what I do every time I propose something like this though - do with it as you will. 9 out of 10 people think I'm a bad critique. Of course 7 out of 10 people don't trust statistics....

Anyhow, regardless of pithy remarks, nice poem.

- Caleb

A Chara, Thank you for your observations, they are appreciated. I wrote these lines as an emotional reaction to the Madrid terrorist attack in which 200 people were killed.
What you say about the rearrangement of the last four lines has merit but it's difficult to express the deep revulsion I have for the creatures who perpetrated this crime and for me at least, the original layout comes nearest.

Ahh...now that I have the theme clearly in view I understand why it ends as it does. Good clarification!

Thanks for the good read,
- Caleb