Lay off the gold dust, Venus;
Cupid, cut out the bow.
No convenient cloud between us
is needed to lay me low.
I’ve been there already, done that;
you’ve already signalled no.
But she’s not given up on the gold dust:
the sight is a physical blow.
Semi-weeping, I sit in the taxi
through streets, past the cars and the park.
The moment has come and gone now;
the cave appeared damp and dark.
No dreams and desires for me now
in the realm of sodium light:
the hard concrete wall of reality,
the cold, flat dark of the night.
Oh, lay off the gold dust, Venus;
Cupid, cut out the bow.
The fates have already seen us
and told us where to go.
[The title ('he shone out in the bright light') refers to Virgil's Aeneid 1.588, when Venus has beautified her son Aeneas and removes the cloud, revealing him to Dido, whose suicide in book four of the poem, after being abandoned by Aeneas, is the most memorable part of the poem for a great many readers of Virgil over the centuries.][*]
claraque in luce refulsit (HON MENTION OCTOBER)
I'm going to treat this as an exercise in imagination, as anything else would be too painful.
Terrific. (Do I mean that literally? 1667, "frightening," from L. terrificus "causing terror or fear" - no, I'm sticking to the imaginary scenario.)
The brutal incursion into the classical mood of the taxi and the sodium lighting is almost like a sudden blow to the face.
In the interests of euphony, might you say "Cupid, drop the bow"? Perhaps not.
As an exercise in imagination, it's very pleasing, very very well done. In so far as it's anything else, you are okay, are you, H?
Cheers
David
Terrific. (Do I mean that literally? 1667, "frightening," from L. terrificus "causing terror or fear" - no, I'm sticking to the imaginary scenario.)
The brutal incursion into the classical mood of the taxi and the sodium lighting is almost like a sudden blow to the face.
In the interests of euphony, might you say "Cupid, drop the bow"? Perhaps not.
As an exercise in imagination, it's very pleasing, very very well done. In so far as it's anything else, you are okay, are you, H?
Cheers
David
Helen
As I've said before my classical education is superficial so I sometimes miss the subtlety of some references. Can I just check therefore that what is being said here is - I'm no beauty and I have been rejected???
What I didnt miss was the fantastic transition to sitting in the taxi - that is an unexpected that works and throws the reader off balance. I like the realm of sodium light. Only crit for me would be that I thought s3 and s4 said something very similar and Im not sure dark caves and dark nights are as original as I know you can be.
Still enjoyed - if I am allowed to enjoy something so brutal.
elph
As I've said before my classical education is superficial so I sometimes miss the subtlety of some references. Can I just check therefore that what is being said here is - I'm no beauty and I have been rejected???
What I didnt miss was the fantastic transition to sitting in the taxi - that is an unexpected that works and throws the reader off balance. I like the realm of sodium light. Only crit for me would be that I thought s3 and s4 said something very similar and Im not sure dark caves and dark nights are as original as I know you can be.
Still enjoyed - if I am allowed to enjoy something so brutal.
elph
Helen
I rather like this. As has already been said, your use of contrast here is skilful, and makes some of my musings on similar subject matter look like blunt instruments.
But then we have our leanings, and I cannot write without the rawness I employ.
Very clever, to have a series of works that allude to believable scenarios in other places.
Greek, without the smashing of plates, good stuff.
I await the next installment, with barely bated breaths.
Many thanks
Danté
I rather like this. As has already been said, your use of contrast here is skilful, and makes some of my musings on similar subject matter look like blunt instruments.
But then we have our leanings, and I cannot write without the rawness I employ.
Very clever, to have a series of works that allude to believable scenarios in other places.
Greek, without the smashing of plates, good stuff.
I await the next installment, with barely bated breaths.
Many thanks
Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
Elph: thank you for the comments.
I guess obscurity is still my Achilles' heel, though it's obviously working on some level.
The cave is the key: Dido and Aeneas get caught in a storm while out hunting, and the gods shove them into a cave, where desire takes its course. Then Aeneas buggers off to fulfil his destiny and Dido tops herself.
Far from asking and being rejected, I fundamentally lacked the courage (or stupidity) even to ask. But was it a missed opportunity or a lucky escape?
I guess the repetition of dark is a bit of a weakness: the first one is structurally necessary. The second I'm still thinking about...
Dante: Thanks! This is probably my favourite from the first book; I like the bitter humour. Plus ultimately, even if I didn't go into the cave, it was a very nice evening.
Helen
I guess obscurity is still my Achilles' heel, though it's obviously working on some level.
The cave is the key: Dido and Aeneas get caught in a storm while out hunting, and the gods shove them into a cave, where desire takes its course. Then Aeneas buggers off to fulfil his destiny and Dido tops herself.
Far from asking and being rejected, I fundamentally lacked the courage (or stupidity) even to ask. But was it a missed opportunity or a lucky escape?
I guess the repetition of dark is a bit of a weakness: the first one is structurally necessary. The second I'm still thinking about...
Dante: Thanks! This is probably my favourite from the first book; I like the bitter humour. Plus ultimately, even if I didn't go into the cave, it was a very nice evening.
Helen
