Poetry Forum

Hi my names James Conlon from London and
here’s a poem from a collection which I have
been writing. Any thoughts would be
appreciated

Tooting town on Friday
Out come the cries of grey, black and blue.
A man looks down on the mountain
But there’s nothing the mountain can do.

There’s a rain in the air tonight
But only the weak are dejected
So come, run along with these daemons!
You’re sure to become as infected
With a trend, a fad or a plague
Running wild amongst these poor plebs
Rich with their ticks and slashes,
Let’s hope that it stays from their heads.

Once in a while there’s sunshine
Rationed between nine and three
But once the gates have been opened
As is our brief humanity,
Our sanity and our pride,
Replaced with vanity, profanity
And phones that no-one’s trying to hide.

The “Crazy Frog” has spoken,
An epitome of our sin,
Annoying, loud and provoking,
The true British next of kin.

Thanks for your time.
James

Lovely poem James. A nice sense of rhyme and angst, and I loved this:-

"Our sanity and our pride
replaced with vanity, profanity
and phones that no-one's trying to hide"

very true....got any more?

BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA

Another Anti Chav piece.

"You’re sure to become as infected
With a trend, a fad or a plague
Running wild amongst these poor plebs."

I agree whole heartedly with your sentiments. Is "Tooting Town" a reference to the place or the crap marching powder these "Plebs" ingest?

A few awkard lines:

"And phones that no-one’s trying to hide."

"Let’s hope that it stays from their heads."

Perhaps these lines could be condensed/poeticised to aid the flow of the poem. Otherwise not a a bad first post.

Nice one.

Welcome.

The "Tooting town" is merely a town near where I live. This was the first poem I ever wrote, inspired after a nice trip to Tooting in the evening, followed by an attempted mugging and one chav too many. I agree with the awkward lines, and will try to make some alterations.

GODDAMNIT I HATE THAT CRAZY FROG!

Also, were you born in '88? I've got a mate called James Conlin who was born in '88... That's some weird stuff

yep June 88' making me a grand total of 16. Ask your friend if he hates Tooting too.