Poetry Forum

I’m flying high in fantasy America,
inside the movie, going back in time,
or out of this time, into a parallel dimension,
above the haze and bathed in glowing gold;
the texture of the leather seat is ultra-real
yet somehow always out of reach,
and Venus is doing that gold dust thing again;
I'm drifting into telling you.
This is what I need to do,
one thing before I die,
to finally come out with it,
Hugh-Grant-tongue-tied with romance and sincerity;
we're having that deep and never possible conversation.
You're looking at the ground,
blushing, reaching out---
down to earth with a bump.
We land, unscathed; I'm shaken out.
Pithy asides at the turn of the queue:
you are my ever elusive Doctor Who.
We are twin halves of one non-event,
A consummate disaster never meant.

The assonance is very effective here, quite subtle - I had to go back and find what had caught my ear without it noticing.

going back in time,
or out of this time, into a parallel dimension, - Do you need out of this time?

going back in time,
or into a parallel dimension,

A couple of images that struck a blind spot - Venus and the gold dust - What's that? And the Hugh Grant thing.

I don't think it's as good as your other poems - no doubt other's will disagree with me, but it's all a matter of taste.

Barrie

This is very good. I was also confused by the Venus image, and wondered if the penultimate line was a bit of a mouthful. But lots of nice imagery here, while at the same time managing to be down to earth. Enjoyed this thoroughly.

Cheers,

Jon

Some great word choices, Helen, 'drifting into telling you' and 'consummate disaster never meant' especially.
I didn't get the Venus thing either; maybe something to do with clouds?
I think the hyphenation in this 'Hugh-Grant-tongue-tied' is meant to compare the narrator with Mr Grant's market-cornering gawky, hesitant delivery, but think it might be more subtly delivered.

Sulpicia wrote:You're looking at the ground,
blushing, reaching out---
down to earth with a bump.

This is really very good.

Much to admire in this.

Jimmy

Barrie, Jon, Jimmy - thanks for the comments.

The Venus reference is a self-allusion (nasty habit): see
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7755

I did conceive of these poems as a 'book' of elegies, and was imagining that any reader might read them at a rate rather faster than the one a week I am roughly managing to post them at.

cheers
Helen