Voices of our sullen North,
carnaptious on the tongue,
waylay the splendid lyrics
he breathes on sibilant airwaves.
From him they arise and are gone
while my harsh Ulster vowels
threaten placid harmonies
with discordant rendering.
Images that fresh images beget,
English words from an Irish heart
tumble and dance, reborn;
old children to a new mother.
On Hearing Yeats' Voice
RB
I'll be back to comment on the poem - love the theme - but thought you might be interested in this from Famous Seamus which tickled me when I first read it as at the time barrie and I were at cross purposes over whether there was assonance in path and arc. It boiled down to difference of accents.
And innovated a South Derry rhyme
With hushed and lulled full chimes for pushed and pulled
Will be back
elphin
I'll be back to comment on the poem - love the theme - but thought you might be interested in this from Famous Seamus which tickled me when I first read it as at the time barrie and I were at cross purposes over whether there was assonance in path and arc. It boiled down to difference of accents.
And innovated a South Derry rhyme
With hushed and lulled full chimes for pushed and pulled
Will be back
elphin
Yes, there's bit of a difference between Yeats' accent and the Ulster sound. You couldn't have chosen a better word to describe it, carnaptious - apparantly it took a Scotsman to invent such word.
From him they arise and are gone - Do I hear echoes of Innisfree here?
I will arise and go now, (and go to Innisfree)
The last verse is excellent -
English words from an Irish heart
tumble and dance, reborn;
old children to a new mother.
Your best one yet - maybe you should record it.
Barrie
I was only saying to Geoff, the other day, that Ian Paisley always referred to David Trimble as Muster Trumble, never Mister Trimble (so he did).
From him they arise and are gone - Do I hear echoes of Innisfree here?
I will arise and go now, (and go to Innisfree)
The last verse is excellent -
English words from an Irish heart
tumble and dance, reborn;
old children to a new mother.
Your best one yet - maybe you should record it.
Barrie
I was only saying to Geoff, the other day, that Ian Paisley always referred to David Trimble as Muster Trumble, never Mister Trimble (so he did).
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
Hi Elph. Yes I have seen the Heaney thing and those chimes are almost province-wide. I remember trying to read a poem by Benjamin Zephaniah and was bamboozled by the rhythms and inventive pronounciation contained in its packed lines.
Barrie. Yes you have got the Inisfree reference and further down, from Byzantium;
'Marbles of the dancing floor
Break bitter furies of complexity,
Those images that yet
Fresh images beget,
That dolphin-torn, that gong-tormented sea'.
Carnaptious; a favourite word of my dad's who was Scottish. I remember thinking he had invented it as I was never able to find it in the skinny dictionary available in our house.
Thank you both for the comments.
Jimmy
Barrie. Yes you have got the Inisfree reference and further down, from Byzantium;
'Marbles of the dancing floor
Break bitter furies of complexity,
Those images that yet
Fresh images beget,
That dolphin-torn, that gong-tormented sea'.
Carnaptious; a favourite word of my dad's who was Scottish. I remember thinking he had invented it as I was never able to find it in the skinny dictionary available in our house.
Thank you both for the comments.
Jimmy
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juliadebeauvoir
- Perspicacious Poster
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- Location: East of Eden
Jimmy,
Being from the Midwest I have no idea of what the difference between Yeats' accent and the Ulster sound would sound like--so yes, please record it and send it our way.
When I read it out loud, even my clipped accent gave way to something harmonious--which says something.
My favorite: " he breathes on sibilant airwaves"
I think your poem breaths sibilant airwaves also.
Nice one,
Kim
Being from the Midwest I have no idea of what the difference between Yeats' accent and the Ulster sound would sound like--so yes, please record it and send it our way.
When I read it out loud, even my clipped accent gave way to something harmonious--which says something.
My favorite: " he breathes on sibilant airwaves"
I think your poem breaths sibilant airwaves also.
Nice one,
Kim
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
Hi Kim, and thank you for the comments.
There is a very marked difference between the accents in Ireland - North and South. The Ulster accent is sometimes mistaken for a Scottish one and vice-versa. If I knew how to work the technology I would have a go at recording but my expertise in that department is like a man making love to only one of a set of triplets - leaves a lot to be desired.
Glad that you found this an harmonious read and look forward to reading some of yours.
Jimmy
There is a very marked difference between the accents in Ireland - North and South. The Ulster accent is sometimes mistaken for a Scottish one and vice-versa. If I knew how to work the technology I would have a go at recording but my expertise in that department is like a man making love to only one of a set of triplets - leaves a lot to be desired.
Glad that you found this an harmonious read and look forward to reading some of yours.
Jimmy
A very accomplished piece RB
Carnaptious is a great word - but Scots bad tempered, never!
I think the idea expressed in the last stanza is a fresh one and well expressed. The phrase "sullen North" seems to carry so much meaning and perhaps lots of preconceptions about Ulstermen in the same way as carnaptious Scots - a very well chose phrase.
I will offer one thought - as always I'm not suggesting better but just a subjective view to challenge you on your composition. The thought is this - in s1 and s2 in partic do you have too many adjective noun combinations - sullen North, splendid lyrics, sibilant airwaves is almost one per line. What do you think?
Good job
elph
Carnaptious is a great word - but Scots bad tempered, never!
I think the idea expressed in the last stanza is a fresh one and well expressed. The phrase "sullen North" seems to carry so much meaning and perhaps lots of preconceptions about Ulstermen in the same way as carnaptious Scots - a very well chose phrase.
I will offer one thought - as always I'm not suggesting better but just a subjective view to challenge you on your composition. The thought is this - in s1 and s2 in partic do you have too many adjective noun combinations - sullen North, splendid lyrics, sibilant airwaves is almost one per line. What do you think?
Good job
elph
I keep meaning to coment on this, but life keeps intervening. I think I've escaped it for the moment, though, so ...
I think it's excellent. Great choice of subject, treated skilfully (and succinctly, hurrah! That's always a plus for me.)
Carnaptious, eh? Brilliant word. Never heard it before.
I've been trying to find something this reminded me of, and I've found it (not on the WWW, unfortunately, so I've had to type it out, curses):
so that I recalled the noise in the chimney
as it were the wind in the chimney
but was in reality Uncle William
downstairs composing.
that had made a great Peeeeacock
in the proide ov his oiye
had made a great peeeeeecock in the ...
made a great peacock
in the proide of his oyyee
proide ov his oy-ee
as indeed he had, and perdurable
Cheeeeers
David
I think it's excellent. Great choice of subject, treated skilfully (and succinctly, hurrah! That's always a plus for me.)
Carnaptious, eh? Brilliant word. Never heard it before.
I've been trying to find something this reminded me of, and I've found it (not on the WWW, unfortunately, so I've had to type it out, curses):
so that I recalled the noise in the chimney
as it were the wind in the chimney
but was in reality Uncle William
downstairs composing.
that had made a great Peeeeacock
in the proide ov his oiye
had made a great peeeeeecock in the ...
made a great peacock
in the proide of his oyyee
proide ov his oy-ee
as indeed he had, and perdurable
Cheeeeers
David
Thank you Elph. The Scots are not particularly carnaptious but they do come up with some great words.
The adjective nouns? Yes, I sometimes think I overdose on these but the bare noun sometimes does require a little dressing up I think. I do try to use suitable pairings but I see what you mean and have only the excuse of too much Dylan Thomas to offer. Not a bad excuse I hope you'll agree.
David. Thank you for finding time to comment. I do the same thing; have a reply composed and ready to go when something interrupts and all my fine words are forgotten as I pay the coalman or huff over a bill. Succinct. Yes sometimes I reckon I am too sparse but in speech as on the page I have a morbid fear of boring anyone - so chop, chop and chop again. This went on longer but I was just saying the same things in a different manner and ended up with this.
Should I be ashamed to say I do not recognise the quotation? Has a Dublin ring to it. If it is from Ulysses then that is OK cos I have never got the whole way through, despite occasional assaults on JJ's epic.
Jimmy
The adjective nouns? Yes, I sometimes think I overdose on these but the bare noun sometimes does require a little dressing up I think. I do try to use suitable pairings but I see what you mean and have only the excuse of too much Dylan Thomas to offer. Not a bad excuse I hope you'll agree.
David. Thank you for finding time to comment. I do the same thing; have a reply composed and ready to go when something interrupts and all my fine words are forgotten as I pay the coalman or huff over a bill. Succinct. Yes sometimes I reckon I am too sparse but in speech as on the page I have a morbid fear of boring anyone - so chop, chop and chop again. This went on longer but I was just saying the same things in a different manner and ended up with this.
Should I be ashamed to say I do not recognise the quotation? Has a Dublin ring to it. If it is from Ulysses then that is OK cos I have never got the whole way through, despite occasional assaults on JJ's epic.
Jimmy
Now then ... who would be sharing a house with Uncle William back in them days?R. Broath wrote:Should I be ashamed to say I do not recognise the quotation? Has a Dublin ring to it. If it is from Ulysses then that is OK cos I have never got the whole way through, despite occasional assaults on JJ's epic.
I would bet a certain amount of money that the mystery man could have also written it in Chinese.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
- No, not so much, just a pound.David wrote:Ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong iddle i po!
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
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bobvincent
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 128
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:25 pm
Poems about poets run the risk of being boring, but this is saved by the final verse. I think it's as important to have a strong conclusion to a poem as in a story, novel, film or play.
Thanks bob, but I think any piece of writing as the potential to be boring irrespective of its subject matter. You say this was 'saved' by the final verse which seems to imply some sort of terminal injury wrought in the preceding verses. I'd be interested to know which poems about poets you have in mind and to investigate their reading on my patented 'boredomometer'.
Jimmy
Jimmy
Yes, well said, David. The reason so many books are still published (thank goodness) is that the reading public's tastes and preferences are so eclectic. There are many subjects which I find less than stimulating but I defend the right of each of us to choose to spend our time in a way which enables us to enjoy that time and to write on whatever interests we have. Some of my most pleasurable reading experiences have come as recommendations from friends to try something I know I would otherwise have ignored.
Here's to all the writers on this site and on others who strive to create and to share their creations with others.
Jimmy
Here's to all the writers on this site and on others who strive to create and to share their creations with others.
Jimmy
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oranggunung
- Preponderant Poster
- Posts: 1393
- Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:15 pm
- Location: Dublin, Ireland
Jimmy
Late to this, but wanted to add my appreciation for a beautifully constructed piece.
The personal nature of S1 and S2 feel self-deprecating in a very gentle way. S3 seems to be a turning point (perhaps like a haiku) taking the narrator and the reader into a much wider perspective.
Lovely language and clever use of the eponymous author’s works.
No nits, just plaudits.
og
Late to this, but wanted to add my appreciation for a beautifully constructed piece.
The personal nature of S1 and S2 feel self-deprecating in a very gentle way. S3 seems to be a turning point (perhaps like a haiku) taking the narrator and the reader into a much wider perspective.
Lovely language and clever use of the eponymous author’s works.
No nits, just plaudits.
og
Try Louis McNeice, with his harsh Ulster vowels an' all. He manages to pin down the hatred (the fear) with the cool precision of a lepidopterist. Pins here and there: the power and beauty of the no longer living, the strains brought down by the still-living dead. Ulaidh. Concrete blocks outside the supermarket. Gone now, maybe, but mentally still there, not forgotten. When forgotten? The weariness of Heaney ... not needed. We await the freshness of a new truthful voice to explain ourselves to ourselves.
Thank you og. Self-deprecation is a speciality around these parts and comes with a certain tongue-in-cheek knowingness that allows us to laugh until we cry.
Brendan, thank you. I agree that MacNeice has a more visceral appeal and that his precision has much to admire. But I still prefer Heaney, Longley and Paulin to guide me through our recent aggravation. Of course the blocks are there, have been for generations and will be for many more. The freshest voice will be wearied in time and if there is anything new to say it will, I suspect, be said in as jaded a tone and with the harshness which the situation deserves. One of the lessons of our history is that the perspective of time only patinas the grief with tribal prejudices rather than remove the causes.
Jimmy
Brendan, thank you. I agree that MacNeice has a more visceral appeal and that his precision has much to admire. But I still prefer Heaney, Longley and Paulin to guide me through our recent aggravation. Of course the blocks are there, have been for generations and will be for many more. The freshest voice will be wearied in time and if there is anything new to say it will, I suspect, be said in as jaded a tone and with the harshness which the situation deserves. One of the lessons of our history is that the perspective of time only patinas the grief with tribal prejudices rather than remove the causes.
Jimmy
The mods decided that this was a well deserved feature for this month (I bet Yeats is moaning in his grave). Seriously, it's a really good poem, so well done.
Congratulations
Congratulations
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
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bobvincent
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 128
- Joined: Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:25 pm
I have heard Yeats' voice as well, but failed to be moved or inspired. Skilfully written of course, but not a poem I'd write. Poems about poets seem too inward-looking for me, but then I'm not Irish, much as I like them.
Thank you barrie. I suspect you're right about old WB though, he'd be mumbling under his breath about getting on with writing something bloody useful and letting his old bones rest in pieces.
bob. I think Yeats had a broader appeal than to just the Irish. As for 'poems about poets' being 'inward looking' - I think that is a charge which can be made stick to all of us who, in writing, music, drama etc, seek explanations of ourselves and the world we live in whether or not we ever contemplate those who have already trodden the path.
Jimmy
bob. I think Yeats had a broader appeal than to just the Irish. As for 'poems about poets' being 'inward looking' - I think that is a charge which can be made stick to all of us who, in writing, music, drama etc, seek explanations of ourselves and the world we live in whether or not we ever contemplate those who have already trodden the path.
Jimmy