Poetry Forum

Have your toenails grown and been cut short?
Grown and cut, a rhythm of the months and years
-- even decades -- of extending cuticle, keratin extruded
by the engine of your life. And would that strand,
if reassembled, have a gait? A pulse from where you swept
through seasons -- slow in winter, waiting for the sun, and bursting
into racing life for summer's sweetest days.

See, here you bruised it hard against the gate, and here
-- with flecks of glitter -- that was Christmas.

I think we are all tilted into the 'gait' by the stone in the shoe that is our past, bodkin. An interesting take on the step-by-step journey. Not fussed about the 'toenail' image but the premise is well wrought and memorably presented.
Best not to go barefoot at this time of year, though.

Jimmy

Greetings Ian. It is a slightly yucky image, but well imagined. I like the last two lines best. Given that toe nails last so long, I suppose it would be possible to expand on that idea.

Hi Jimmy,

Not fussed about toenails!? But they're cute-icle...

Hi Ros,

I could add more events into the toenail's record, I suppose, but I thought two was enough to give the reader the general idea...

thanks,

Ian

I enjoyed the last two lines best. It's an imaginative piece but difficult to make the cutting of toenails resonate of poetry.

'And would that strand,/if reassembled, have a gait' - I don't understand this and the introduction of gate at the end only serves to complicate it further. 'summer's sweetest days' - is a little trite perhaps.

'cuticle, keratin extruded' - there are some hard consonants here consistent with 'the engine of life' which successfully develope the poem's stance I found. I admire your boldness in presenting this poem. Good title too ! It's fun, Jimmy, and made me chuckle in the cold. Thanks

Hi Nigel,

The inclusion of the word "gait" comes because this was originally produced in an exercise (on another forum) where the object was to use certain words. All the others fitted quite nicely but yes, that one I am considering replacing. Possibly I'll just use the direct "rhythm"?

What I meant was a gait in the sense of a rhythm, e.g. if you reassembled all the cut of pieces of toenail, would the resulting great long bar have marks like tree-rings showing where summer and winter fell? Comparing that to the rhythm of walking...

Not sure about triteness is "summer's sweetest days" -- I was only trying to present the most ordinary literal idea of summer, e.g. when the weather is nice (OK, so not in England but you get the idea) so maybe too clever words here would be inappropriate? I'll have to think about it.

Thanks for the detailed reading,

Ian

Sorry for getting your name wrong, Ian. I'm not used to folks here yet. Your explanation of 'strand' and 'gait' is too ingenius by half, I feel. It obviously works in your own mind but it doesn't translate to the written page without further explanation and your poem can't afford that. This, of course, is where a workshop works very well. Too often things which seem obvious to us confuse others because we assume they have access to our minds. I'm sure you know what I mean.

No problem with the name...

...thanks for the thoughts.

Ian