Now dead, cracked finger cold
I massage your grave stone brail
like. Blind to loss, I claw my way
down to your nadir, lay my head on
your cold hard belly, gasp rotting
daffs. Choking on our last smoke, in
that bathroom where you stated
your love for me, so so speedily
your jaw grinding, rising zenith
cheek bones, too cool way too cool.
A poem for a dead guy
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azathoth
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beautiful
I couldn't imagine a better poem for "a dead guy"
the breaks, the switches, the jumps, and the cold, spooky as hell and yet i dont feel its about corpses. scary but not because of the ghoul it hides behind? i wish i didnt have to ask, but what is this dead guy? maybe im a fool (for not grasping it) but this is my favorite poem i've read here.
I couldn't imagine a better poem for "a dead guy"
the breaks, the switches, the jumps, and the cold, spooky as hell and yet i dont feel its about corpses. scary but not because of the ghoul it hides behind? i wish i didnt have to ask, but what is this dead guy? maybe im a fool (for not grasping it) but this is my favorite poem i've read here.
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camus
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Aza,
"maybe im a fool (for not grasping it)"
Most certainly not. The poem is about a friend, a best friend, who died tragically early aged 30, doing a job he hated. Crushed by container on the local docks. He was one of those guys who everybody new and loved, so amiable yet extremely self assured (although he didn't realise it) a great guitar player, beautiful guy, in hindsight I miss him more and more.
I'll post the first poem I wrote about him (not that good) and a pic, just cause he deserves it.
cheers
Kris
"maybe im a fool (for not grasping it)"
Most certainly not. The poem is about a friend, a best friend, who died tragically early aged 30, doing a job he hated. Crushed by container on the local docks. He was one of those guys who everybody new and loved, so amiable yet extremely self assured (although he didn't realise it) a great guitar player, beautiful guy, in hindsight I miss him more and more.
I'll post the first poem I wrote about him (not that good) and a pic, just cause he deserves it.
cheers
Kris
Last edited by camus on Sat May 21, 2005 10:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
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Sean Kinsella
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CAMUS
This is the line I like:-
"Your grave stone brail"
BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA
This is the line I like:-
"Your grave stone brail"
BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA
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alex69williams
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you only like one?
i read this on Kris's website a few weeks back and i've seen the picture of the guy he's talking about.
is it Woz, Kris?
made me choke up. fine poem.
alex
i read this on Kris's website a few weeks back and i've seen the picture of the guy he's talking about.
is it Woz, Kris?
made me choke up. fine poem.
alex
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camus
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Sean,
The line you like has a "like" on the end.
Alex,
I've written quite a few poems about Woz. His was the kind of tragic death that will probably never sink in.
thanks guys input always appreciated.
The line you like has a "like" on the end.
Alex,
I've written quite a few poems about Woz. His was the kind of tragic death that will probably never sink in.
thanks guys input always appreciated.
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
"brail-like" might be the way to put that. But dropping the like is creative, I like it.
A firebrand of a poem, camus.
"Choking on our last smoke, in that bathroom where you stated your love for me, so so speedily your jaw grinding, rising zenith cheek bones, too cool way too cool." - is a runon sentence. That raises an interesting question I have considered posting in the Poetry Discussion - is good grammar a goal of a poet? The runon sentence adds to the pace, makes you speed up as you read. And so I'd say keep it.
Do these great ideas just come to you or do have to work at it?
- Caleb
A firebrand of a poem, camus.
"Choking on our last smoke, in that bathroom where you stated your love for me, so so speedily your jaw grinding, rising zenith cheek bones, too cool way too cool." - is a runon sentence. That raises an interesting question I have considered posting in the Poetry Discussion - is good grammar a goal of a poet? The runon sentence adds to the pace, makes you speed up as you read. And so I'd say keep it.
Do these great ideas just come to you or do have to work at it?
- Caleb
Last edited by pseud on Fri May 20, 2005 8:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Don't treat your common sense like an umbrella. When you come into a room to philosophize, don't leave it outside, but bring it in with you." Wittgenstein
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Sean Kinsella
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CAMUS
Sorry but the words...
"your grave stone brail", just jumped out at me as soon as I read them. If you feel offended due to the subject material, please accept my honest and sincere apologies
BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA
Sorry but the words...
"your grave stone brail", just jumped out at me as soon as I read them. If you feel offended due to the subject material, please accept my honest and sincere apologies
BEST REGARDS
SEAN KINSELLA
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camus
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Pseud,
"Do these great ideas just come to you or do have to work at it?"
I rarely have any ideas, I just write and hope for the best.
Sean,
Not a problem, really. I'm not easily offended. I was just pointing out it was a follow on sentence.
Sarah,
Thanks, you emotional person you.
"Do these great ideas just come to you or do have to work at it?"
I rarely have any ideas, I just write and hope for the best.
Sean,
Not a problem, really. I'm not easily offended. I was just pointing out it was a follow on sentence.
Sarah,
Thanks, you emotional person you.
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
i love the use of language
the more formal 'petic' vocabulary like zenith and nadir, juxtapoesd with the title of the poem, and the final sentence really make it for me
the simplest words sometimes express emotion more succinctly or are a release as opposed to more constructed sentences.
do you know what i mean? not very clear
bis
the more formal 'petic' vocabulary like zenith and nadir, juxtapoesd with the title of the poem, and the final sentence really make it for me
the simplest words sometimes express emotion more succinctly or are a release as opposed to more constructed sentences.
do you know what i mean? not very clear
bis