Edit:
I walk to the village to collect
A basket of freshly-baked Madeleines
From a family friend who has
A small villa on the river.
Bob’s out front mowing, says
Go round the back, so I do, and
Find Mrs Bob and her daughter
Sunbathing, tits rising,
The colour of Madeleines.
Mrs B shies away and inches her bikini
Back into place. Twentysomething,
Shameless, their daughter doesn’t.
Original:
I walk to the village to collect
A basket of freshly-baked Madeleines
From a family friend who has
A small villa on the river.
Bob’s out front mowing, says
Go round the back, so I do, and
Find Mrs Bob and her daughter
Topless, their tits proud,
The colour of Madeleines.
Mrs B shies away and inches her bikini
Back into place. Twentysomething,
Shameless, their daughter doesn’t.
Madeleine
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stuartryder
- Preponderant Poster
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Last edited by stuartryder on Thu Apr 23, 2009 11:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
What a lovely piece about indulging in fresh french pastries. Or should I say, re-indulging.
Tis short, sweet, and loaded to hilt with double meanings and religious innuendo if one considers Madeleine comes from Magdalen. Bob's a bit problematic though. Isn't Jove another jib for god in some islamic or hebrew culture?
Would really bring the house down on top of you if you said roam instead proud in L4 S2
almost brilliant *smirk*
J
Tis short, sweet, and loaded to hilt with double meanings and religious innuendo if one considers Madeleine comes from Magdalen. Bob's a bit problematic though. Isn't Jove another jib for god in some islamic or hebrew culture?
Would really bring the house down on top of you if you said roam instead proud in L4 S2
almost brilliant *smirk*
J
I went into the river its feelings I clutched
sometimes ever to much,
rolling over my head and torso
I felt the cleaning river though.
Pow! It took me so Much up
as if I had become a simple buttercup!
Lovexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
D J L ovely
sometimes ever to much,
rolling over my head and torso
I felt the cleaning river though.
Pow! It took me so Much up
as if I had become a simple buttercup!
Lovexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
D J L ovely
mad for her deeply in my wanting sleep
always myself as deep.
Though poets to rites tender deeps----
my old heart says for you keep. Honest.
Glad for loving us but more true for knowing you.
Mad like the madarin she plays well on thickened
pig skins----------------------------------------------
yet it is all to....................................hold?
I'll take my chance you marigold!
DJL
always myself as deep.
Though poets to rites tender deeps----
my old heart says for you keep. Honest.
Glad for loving us but more true for knowing you.
Mad like the madarin she plays well on thickened
pig skins----------------------------------------------
yet it is all to....................................hold?
I'll take my chance you marigold!
DJL
Last edited by Lovely on Wed Apr 22, 2009 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Go here to find this in its natural habitat - or in context, if you prefer ... viewtopic.php?f=3&t=9809&p=73826#p73826
It's worth it, I think.
It's worth it, I think.
Beautiful so much love this exposition to natural touch.
Great atoms. After all, where are we without them.
Love you much.
Fantastico, my mind in Chopin going nuts still..........
Load these dreams they become honest themes........
after all, I love you all.
Dance then to embrace
loads to love this moon's merry face.
Jet black to diamonds.
There is purpose yet swamped her goal,
before Flatly's dancing soul.
(You emerald loved).
Skip, whip, then give it fit
know you can and love you to ...bits?
(cliche).
Warm embraces.
Are your wings unwinding then?
For Black is back with learnings/forgiving.
Paint the gentle wind then poet?
Paint the honest of you touch to know/it.
Paint it. Paint. Live without/restraint,
and deeply learn to ---------------stretch.
Cats they teach us why.
D J Lovely
Great atoms. After all, where are we without them.
Love you much.
Fantastico, my mind in Chopin going nuts still..........
Load these dreams they become honest themes........
after all, I love you all.
Dance then to embrace
loads to love this moon's merry face.
Jet black to diamonds.
There is purpose yet swamped her goal,
before Flatly's dancing soul.
(You emerald loved).
Skip, whip, then give it fit
know you can and love you to ...bits?
(cliche).
Warm embraces.
Are your wings unwinding then?
For Black is back with learnings/forgiving.
Paint the gentle wind then poet?
Paint the honest of you touch to know/it.
Paint it. Paint. Live without/restraint,
and deeply learn to ---------------stretch.
Cats they teach us why.
D J Lovely
Hi Stuart,
I like this piece, nice and controlled. I half expected the older woman to be the one less shaken! though you're saying something else here.
I did think that 'their tits proud' was unnecessary after having said 'topless'. You've given us tits, you could add something more about the women, let's at least pretend we care about something else!
Something I wasn't too keen on was the use of the word 'shameless'. It seems too strong. To me, the girl is being shown as an opposite to her mother; young, resplendent, full of life etc. I think the word 'shameless' dirties the scene. Plenty might result from Madeleine's liberal attitudes but, in the raw, they're a thing of beauty. Her attitudes, I mean.
I like this piece, nice and controlled. I half expected the older woman to be the one less shaken! though you're saying something else here.
I did think that 'their tits proud' was unnecessary after having said 'topless'. You've given us tits, you could add something more about the women, let's at least pretend we care about something else!
Something I wasn't too keen on was the use of the word 'shameless'. It seems too strong. To me, the girl is being shown as an opposite to her mother; young, resplendent, full of life etc. I think the word 'shameless' dirties the scene. Plenty might result from Madeleine's liberal attitudes but, in the raw, they're a thing of beauty. Her attitudes, I mean.
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OwenEdwards
- Prolific Poster
- Posts: 459
- Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 3:34 am
- Location: Hertfordshire/Durham, UK
For the first half I really wasn't terribly interested; it was all a little too sub-Larkin. I think it picked up, however, with the elements that Comrade Gray doesn't like; I think "tits rising", beyond almost feeling like a pun, does NECESSARILY explicate "topless" further; it makes the scene rawer, more real and more direct. And the daughter being shameless - needn't be a bad thing, or have bad connotations. It did, for me, give the feeling of youthful exuberance, adventure, excitement, etc.