Sonnet: Infernal Wrath

[k-j]

I'm in the heart of the hotel. Its walls
are furred with farts and the foetid memories
of past inmates. If something in this appals
I don't dwell on it, for it at least agrees

with the plans I make so valiantly each day:
I summon serfs to conferences, unleash
a savage memo on those who say me nay,
sit with the VP of HR eating quiche,

plotting to subjugate grand empires
with petty infernal wrath.
I mean it agrees in the sense that it requires
unbounded confidence or a new kind of math

to permit a person to continue
in it, without dissolving soul from sinew.

[brianedwards]

Will comment on the poem later k-j, but just wanted to say that I think it's a better idea to post out efforts on individual threads. Those shared threads get very cluttered and hard to follow once comments start coming in.

Will be back.

B.

[brianedwards]

Love it. "furred with farts" made me giggle guiltily, but it does feel a bit cheap; I reckon you could do better there.
Not exactly sure what is meant by "a new kind of math" but I was happy to let it wash over me.

B.

[brianedwards]

I suppose if these poems are being posted as part of the sonnet exercise then comments should be specific to that, otherwise, why not just post to crit?
I mention this as a self-admonishment, and will strive to address the poems as sonnets in future.

With that in mind, and bearing in mind how much I like this poem, is there a Volta as such? The tone is pretty much set in the first 2 lines, and plays through consistently till the end.

Offered in the spirit of the sonnet exercise.

B.

[twoleftfeet]

I love lines 6,7 & 8, and the bonus of the internal rhymes.

[Antcliff]

I love lines 6,7 & 8, and the bonus of the internal rhymes.

Hi K-J
Yeh, I liked those lines as well.

I especially liked "VP of HR", the highpoint for me. And the vee/eat/quiche internal rhyme is a winner.

I suspect that any sonnet opening with farts will be in a battle. I am reminded of another poem of yours..a sonnet?..set partly in a hotel that also dwells on smell.

Seth
I see you have gone native with "math"...now a yankee-doodle-dandy

[Ros]

Rhyming unleash with quiche gets my vote. I'dhave to agree with Brian on the other non-sonnety aspects, though,

Ros

[David2]

I love lines 6,7 & 8, and the bonus of the internal rhymes.

Those are indeed the stand-out lines.

I especially liked "VP of HR", the highpoint for me. And the vee/eat/quiche internal rhyme is a winner.

Me too. And I agree. Could be classic Cole Porter.

Cheers

David

[k-j]

Thanks all!

Brian, no there isn't a turn. I've never been all that interested in this so-called requisite of the sonnet. I can see why people think the volta's a fine thing but I can't see why it ought to be thought essential. For me the sonnet is really defined by form.

I'm amused by the love for "VP of HR" as this is a perfectly ordinary title, at least over here!

And yes ant, I've gone native with "math" - at least where required for the purposes of rhyme.

David, Cole Porter, wow. I wish!

[Jackie]

Hi k-j Just a comment on the math rhyme from a fellow "native"--in my experience, across the ocean wrath rhymes with moth, not math. Very confusing!

Jackie

[k-j]

Hi k-j Just a comment on the math rhyme from a fellow "native"--in my experience, across the ocean wrath rhymes with moth, not math. Very confusing!

Ha! You're right but not everyone says it that way (I think!) I'll have to do a survey around the office. Good point though...

[Jackie]

k-j, I'm interested in how you talk about "your" (this person's) job. I'll say "you" because you use the word "I" but I've had a job that felt like this, so it could be me, too.

In the first eight lines you're tough-skinned, eloquent, and on top of things. Then you become sardonic. Now we learn that you don't wholly respect what you do, and fear that your job could unravel you. You take your title from these last six lines, so this message must be the important one. And this message begins with the word plotting so that must be the turn.

How about working on tightening up the last four lines? They are a bit wobbly tied together as they are with three "its."

Thanks for this sonnet! I enjoyed reading it.
Jackie