a quickie

[wildmountainthyme]

you're free little tale, you'll be safe here, no-one ever comes near this neck o' the woods.

A QUICKIE.


I was a sickly child, now I am a sickly adult. Isn't life funny?
Sometimes lady luck smiles when you least expect her to. Example? I left the pub before closing time, I had sat in the corner near the door, I like to know who’s coming and who’s going. I wasn’t drunk, merely at that thinking stage, you know the stage, what if? Thinking about things that had happened in my life, this and that, the usual shit. A couple sat at the next table, she was drunk, she was loud, her language was common, the man looked embarrassed, he’d heard it all before but it was easier to let her talk her ten pails of pish, anything for an easy life,

" Gie me a fuckin' light ya prick " she demanded, the man
struck a match and tried to light the swaying cigarette,

" C’moan ya fuckin’ erse "

" Keep yer hand still "

Christ, what a state. I finished my drink and took the empty
glass up to the bar, I left the pub and made my way home.
I always take the same way home, I know the streets, they're
quiet, always stick to what you know, never deviate, as soon as
you try something different? Trouble! Stick to the plan.
The street lamps were on, orange and warm, it began to spit, I
turned my collar up, I just wanted to be home now. I entered
Fords Road,

" Hey mister "

I stopped, a pair of legs in the shadow of a stair, the legs
were nice, shapely, the legs stepped out of the shadows, but?
Just like the song goes,nice legs, shame about the face,

" Ur ye lookin’ fur a wee bit o’ fun mister? "

She took a drag on her cigarette, the glow from the end
lighting her face, she looked tired and hard, she could’ave
scared rats off a tip, poor sod,

" Huv you got the Nintendo WI in yer pocket like? " I asked
smiling, she moved closer,

" I’ll dae things yer wife wid’nae dae fur ye? "

" You gonnae mow the lawn fur us doll? "

" You’re a funny man mister, I like a man wi’ a sense o’
humour,£20! funny man? "

‘ £20! Who’s the funny one now? "

She threw her arms around my neck, she pulled me close, I could
smell the nicotine that coated her, she likes her fags, I tried to push her off but she wouldn’t let go,

‘ C’moan mister, £20? "

I tried again but still she hung on,

" Git fuckin’ oaf me! " I hissed as we struggled on the pavement, I pushed her forward and we ended up back in her stair, she was leaning back against the wall, she still had her arms around my neck,

" C’moan mister, I’ll make ye happy "

I smiled down at her, she smiled back, she’d cracked it here,
I reached into my pocket,

" Dae ye want me tae git it oot fur ye ? " she offered licking
her thin cracked red lips,
I shook my head, I felt the cold hard handle of the knife in my
hand, it felt good, it felt perfect,

‘ Huv ye goat something nice doon there fur a lady? "

‘ Huv ye had a hard life love? Are ye tired? "

She looked up at me and nodded, I leant forward and offered my
lips, she closed her eyes and sighed, I pushed my lips against
hers, she opened her mouth and I felt her tongue snake out, she
ran it around my lips, I pressed the release button on the
knife and it’s blade snaked out, I pulled my head away and
covered her mouth with my hand, she opened her eyes, confusion!
I pushed the blade into her back but it must have hit a bone
somewhere in her rib-cage, I pushed and twisted, she struggled
and she bit into my hand, CHRIST THAT HURT! I managed to wrestle
it free from her mouth. I punched her, BINGO! Right on her nose,
I heard the bone crack and she went limp, I pulled the knife out
and dropped it, I let her fall to the ground, I dragged her by
her bleached blonde hair to the back of the stair, it smelt of
urine back there, I left her in the piss and went through her
pockets, a packet of fags and a throw-away lighter, I picked up
the knife and wiped it on her stockinged leg, I stood in the
darkness and listened, quiet! I walked to the front of the
stair and looked out, safe, I walked out into the street and
made for home, I lit one of her fags and smiled, I felt good,
even the rain had stopped, what a lovely end to the day, I
couldn’t have hoped for a better evening, I told you lady luck
smiles when you least expect her too.

The End.

.............is this little story just too nasty?

[Pauline]

Bloody hell.
I'm laughing, but it's a nervous laugh.
I'm gobsmacked.
Wouldn't a simple "Fuck off" suffice.
I gotta tell ya, you have me shaking my head in shock, lol.
What pub do you drink in?
I'll make sure I avoid it, lol, just incase you are having an "off" night.

PS On a positive note,
I liked the way you delivered your little tale.
It was both funny, and sick at the same time.
Entertaining read.
Cheers.

[wildmountainthyme]

hi p5,
that's just the reaction i was looking for. i wrote it with a total lack of emotion. i wanted it to be brutal, very dark and maybe a little humour.
thank's for replying, no-one visits this forum.......stay on the path....don't go on the moor.......
dan
p.s i'm really quite a happy chap!

[Pauline]

Lol.
That's grand.
Glad you got the response you were after.
Yeah,
I like it over here.
Keep posting.
You are very entertaining., in a sick way, lol

[twoleftfeet]

Hi WMT, (or should I call you Jack?),

I must say the violent ending took me by surprise.

All in all, it rattles along very nicely. The pub scene is amusing - you handle the conversation well.

The only weakness that I can see is with the ending, where I became aware of a string of sentences beginning with "I".
e.g
I picked up the knife and wiped it on her stockinged leg, I stood in the
darkness and listened, quiet!
- you don't need me to tell you how easy it is to vary it a little e.g
I picked up the knife ,wiped it on her stockinged leg and stood in the
darkness listening, quiet!

Enjoyed
Geoff

[wildmountainthyme]

thanks for reading it geoff, you're spot on with the i's. this is'nt really the kind of stuff i like to write, but, it did provoke a little shock reaction from yourself and pauline so i may try another in this genre.
i do need to try and escape the i thing, i'll, d'oh!
thanks for replying, it's a lonely life in this white rectangle, sometimes the lines move in alittle, just a tiny bit, when you ain't looking, squeezing you, pushing you.....and then?
need to get out more......but then who'll look after mother?
dan

[JohnLott]

Hi WMT

I'm John

Culinary:

Like a good chilli it develops quietly and then you get the heat.

Musicality:

pianissimo
vibrato
crescendo

v.good

J.