Edith

[Minstrel]

When Edith died they called the funeral director. He arrived at 2 a.m. and they took her away in a long box. I remember hearing them struggle around the parlour door. Its funny she should die like that because we were always talking about dead things me and her.

I remember when we found that pig, me and Edith, with its belly split like an over-cooked sausage. Its mouth was all curled up in a sort of defiant but stiff snarl. She said it was a death smile, but that-ones eyes were closed.

I saw a lot of those when I went to Granox to find her. She said they process death there and turn it into dog-food. It arrives on the backs of wagons that spill it on the floor of a big warehouse. It pours out like stew onto a plate and the driver bangs the tipper with a spade to get the bits off. Cattle, pigs and sheep but the worst ones are the horses she said. Then they all get shovelled up by a tractor that tips them down a hopper in the corner. I leaned over once and there was a big screw turning at the bottom.

Next door is the blood plant, which is were Edith was. That room was smaller and the lights didn’t work and the thing is, I don’t think it got cleaned much because everything was covered in a big scab.
Edith said I shouldn’t go there anymore. She said I’d catch something nasty and apart from that it made my skin smell of death, which was true.

No, Edith’s eyes were open when she died and she didn’t have a death smile. Her mouth went smaller and her cheeks sucked in as if she’d tried to take a breath but her lips wouldn’t move and her eyes went black and shiny. Like a mouse if you get to it as soon as you hear a snap behind the cupboard.

I didn’t tell anyone at first. Just sat and watched the light disappearing from her eyes, but I think that was probably just them drying up, like crying backwards. Then I licked her hand, in a rough way that I know she liked, but I could tell she was a dead thing.

[camus]

EnGROSSing.

Not sure if there was a point or a purpose to this? If so I missed it!

I was thrown by:

"It's funny she should die like THAT?" Seemed an important line that was only resolved by her dying with her eyes open?

Anyhow as a descriptive work I found it most excellent, inspiring.

Cool.

[pseud]

Hey, lots of great details here. Did you mean for the narrator to come off as sort of detached? That's what it seemed like to me.

"crying backwards" - wonderful.

Tough to see what this piece needs. It's complete to me. Maybe a little heavy on the death theme, maybe not. It's not like the narrator didn't warn the audience - he/she did say that he/she and Edith did talk about death a lot. Some people have an obsession with it. That was my approach.

- Caleb

[David]

You know, this almost reads as though the narrator is Edith's dog.

Have I gone completely mad?

[Minstrel]

Half mad David. Its her cat. Some positive feedback there. Cheers.

[camus]

Yes with the tongue licking I presumed it was a dog, just didn't mention it. Which was rather daft.

[pseud]

Ha! I thought it was just Hitchcockian - having a (fully human) character act in a very odd way.

I can definitely see the cat though.

[thoke]

Its her cat.

I'm disappointed. I thought the narrator was just a bit eccentric.