This is the first scene of a film which is intended to be a political thriller. Any thoughts??
SCENE 1. EXT. DAWN. MARSHES. NORFOLK.
TOM MANNING, AN AMATEUR BIRD PHOTOGRAPHER, IS OUT EARLY TRYING TO GET PICTURES OF GREBES ON ONE OF THE NORFOLK BROADS.
IT IS MISTY AND QUIET. HE IS ENTIRELY ALONE.
HE LOCATES SOME GREBES WITH HIS BINOCULARS AND THEN GETS OUT HIS CAMERA. HE FOCUSSES IN ON THE BIRDS. SUDDENLY HE IS DISTURBED BY THE SOUND OF A CAR MOVING DOWN A FARM TRACK TOWARDS THE BROAD. THE CAR STOPS - IT'S A TOP OF THE RANGE BLACK MERCEDES. TWO MEN GET OUT OF THE CAR AND OPEN THE BOOT AND MANHANDLE A PERSON WITH A BAG OVER HIS HEAD.
WE SEE THIS THROUGH THE LENS OF TOM'S CAMERA.
THEY TAKE OUT A HAND GUN AND SHOOT THE MAN IN THE HEAD. TOM TAKES A PICTURE OF THIS WHICH INCLUDES THE CAR'S REGISTRATION NUMBER. THE MEN THROW THE BODY IN THE BROAD AND THEN HEAD BACK TO THE CAR. AS THE MEN ARE WALKING BACK, THE EARLY MORNING SUN GLINTS OFF TOM'S CAMERA LENS AND THEY STOP IN THEIR TRACKS. TOM DUCKS DOWN BUT IT'S TOO LATE.
An Undisclosed Interest (Film Script)
-
juliadebeauvoir
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2083
- Joined: Wed Feb 01, 2006 2:42 am
- Location: East of Eden
I love a good thriller with more thinking than blood. Sounds good so far and would like to to see what happens to Tom (Hanks? 
). It reminds me a little of the movie "Enemy of the State" with Will Smith and Gene Hackman. It starts with a wildlife conservationist collecting his taping of geese migration at a park and finds a killing instead of a Senator on the tape.
Looks like a good start. Who do you see as cast in it?
Cheers,
Kimberly
). It reminds me a little of the movie "Enemy of the State" with Will Smith and Gene Hackman. It starts with a wildlife conservationist collecting his taping of geese migration at a park and finds a killing instead of a Senator on the tape.Looks like a good start. Who do you see as cast in it?
Cheers,
Kimberly
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
-
spencer_broughton
- Persistent Poster
- Posts: 126
- Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 11:16 pm
- Location: Where I end and you begin.
- Contact:
It's an intriguing beginning and I don't see anything wrong with what you've done so far. It's probably not a completely original opening, but then that says nothing about a film. I like the fact it starts with some birdwatching, it just gives it a down to Earth feel.
I'll be interested to read some more.
I'll be interested to read some more.
-
cameron
- Site Admin
- Posts: 2162
- Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:45 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Norfolk 'n' Good
That's amazing Kim - you've pinpointed the exact film from which I pinched the idea. (You are a film buff aren't you?) I was watching EOTS the other month and thought the goose guy was really interesting - but they snuffed him out pretty quick as his story line was likely to upstage that of Will Smith.
To be honest, I just knocked this out to try and start my "Script Workshop" forum (which, incidentally, went down like the proverbial lead balloon) - and had no intention of writing it. Maybe I'll ponder.
Thanks for your comments too spence.
Cam
To be honest, I just knocked this out to try and start my "Script Workshop" forum (which, incidentally, went down like the proverbial lead balloon) - and had no intention of writing it. Maybe I'll ponder.
Thanks for your comments too spence.
Cam
when you mentioned photographer and a murder scene? , I was reminded of the film : "blow up" -- a fashion photographer takes a photo of a couple ? in a park, and later when he develops the photo in the studio and enlarges it, he sees some very arresting and intriquing things -- like a hand held gun pointing ; the woman is cognisant of this, her gaze towards bushes intrigued the photographer -- this gave him a clue and kept blowing/enlarging the photo, until he saw the gun, of course later at night he goes back and sees the body, but when he tells his friend about it and go together to check again, the body has been removed - lol )
so i guess the deeper he delves enlarging the photo - he is convinced he sees a gun or at least a murder to take place -- did he imagine it ? or is it true, its a weird , but gripping film
it sounds cam your opening scene will develop into something similar, perhaps a chase, but you want to make more interesting than that -- maybe as he is running away, we see his flashbacks of some sort which will build the plot line.
Or is there some connection to him and the body ?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060176/
arco
so i guess the deeper he delves enlarging the photo - he is convinced he sees a gun or at least a murder to take place -- did he imagine it ? or is it true, its a weird , but gripping film
it sounds cam your opening scene will develop into something similar, perhaps a chase, but you want to make more interesting than that -- maybe as he is running away, we see his flashbacks of some sort which will build the plot line.
Or is there some connection to him and the body ?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060176/
arco
-
cameron
- Site Admin
- Posts: 2162
- Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:45 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Norfolk 'n' Good
Nicki has just shown me how to do photo-bucketting which has - coincidentally - given me an idea for scene 2.
SCENE 2. INT. DAY. TOM'S COTTAGE. NORFOLK BROADS.
TOM RUSHES INTO THE COTTAGE, OUT OF BREATH AND THROWS HIS BINOCULARS ON THE SOFA. HE IMMEDIATELY SWITCHES ON HIS COMPUTER AND IMPATIENTLY WAITS FOR IT TO WARM UP.
TOM
Come on! Come on!
WE SEE HIM UPLOAD THE PHOTOS HE HAS JUST TAKEN.
TOM
Think, think!
THEN WE SEE HIM ENTER HIS PHOTO-BUCKET ACCOUNT AND WATCH AS HE UPLOADS 2-3 KEY PHOTOS.
HE HEARS A NOISE OUTSIDE. HE JUMPS UP AND OPENS THE WINDOW BUT THE COAST IS CLEAR. HOWEVER, HE IS CLEARLY NERVOUS. HIS HANDS ARE SHAKING AS HE TAPS ON THE KEYBOARD.
WE THEN SEE HIM GO TO HIS EMAIL ADDRESS BOOK AND HE HIGHLIGHTS THE NAME "PAM". WE WATCH AS HE TYPES THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE: "Photos in the bucket. Take great care of them. Name is always Tom but only for my favourite bird."
WE SEE HIM PRESS "SEND". JUST AS THE MESSAGE GOES OFF THE DOOR OF HIS COTTAGE IS KICKED OPEN AND HE IS SHOT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD. WE SEE HIM FALL AGAINST THE COMPUTER SCREEN. TWO MEN, DRESSED IN BLACK, MOVE HIS BODY ASIDE. THEY RIP OFF THE KEYBOARD AND MONITOR AND TAKE HIS TOWER. THEY LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. THE DOOR SWINGS ON ITS HINGES. CLOSE UP OF TOM'S BODY.
SCENE 2. INT. DAY. TOM'S COTTAGE. NORFOLK BROADS.
TOM RUSHES INTO THE COTTAGE, OUT OF BREATH AND THROWS HIS BINOCULARS ON THE SOFA. HE IMMEDIATELY SWITCHES ON HIS COMPUTER AND IMPATIENTLY WAITS FOR IT TO WARM UP.
TOM
Come on! Come on!
WE SEE HIM UPLOAD THE PHOTOS HE HAS JUST TAKEN.
TOM
Think, think!
THEN WE SEE HIM ENTER HIS PHOTO-BUCKET ACCOUNT AND WATCH AS HE UPLOADS 2-3 KEY PHOTOS.
HE HEARS A NOISE OUTSIDE. HE JUMPS UP AND OPENS THE WINDOW BUT THE COAST IS CLEAR. HOWEVER, HE IS CLEARLY NERVOUS. HIS HANDS ARE SHAKING AS HE TAPS ON THE KEYBOARD.
WE THEN SEE HIM GO TO HIS EMAIL ADDRESS BOOK AND HE HIGHLIGHTS THE NAME "PAM". WE WATCH AS HE TYPES THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE: "Photos in the bucket. Take great care of them. Name is always Tom but only for my favourite bird."
WE SEE HIM PRESS "SEND". JUST AS THE MESSAGE GOES OFF THE DOOR OF HIS COTTAGE IS KICKED OPEN AND HE IS SHOT IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD. WE SEE HIM FALL AGAINST THE COMPUTER SCREEN. TWO MEN, DRESSED IN BLACK, MOVE HIS BODY ASIDE. THEY RIP OFF THE KEYBOARD AND MONITOR AND TAKE HIS TOWER. THEY LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. THE DOOR SWINGS ON ITS HINGES. CLOSE UP OF TOM'S BODY.
-
cameron
- Site Admin
- Posts: 2162
- Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:45 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Norfolk 'n' Good
SCENE 3. INT. DAY. TV NEWSROOM. LONDON.
JOURNALIST, PAM JENKINS, IS AT HER DESK IN THE XYZ NEWSROOM. SHE IS BUSY WORKING AT HER COMPUTER ON AN ARTICLE.
EDITOR
Asap Pam.
PAM
Don't panic Dick.
EDITOR
You know me, I never panic.
HE THEN CHEWS HIS NAILS IN MOCK MANIC FASHION.
JUST THEN A MESSAGE COMES UP ON PAM'S SCREEN TO SAY THAT SHE'S GOT A NEW EMAIL. SHE GOES TO HER INBOX AND SEES THAT IT'S FROM TOM MANNING. SHE IS JUST ABOUT TO OPEN IT WHEN DICK CATCHES HER EYE AND HE IS LOOKING ANXIOUS. SHE CLICKS OFF FROM INBOX AND GOES BACK TO HER ARTICLE.
JUST AT THAT MOMENT ONE OF THE TVs IN THE NEWSROOM FLASHES UP A STORY OF A MURDER IN NORFOLK.
TV REPORTER
...and in this tiny, remote cottage in the Norfolk broads...home of the nature warden Tom Manning ......police are baffled by this brutal murder and are keen for anyone who saw anything to come forward.....
PAM SUDDENLY REALISES THAT IT IS TOM. SHE IS SHOCKED. SHE GOES BACK TO THE EMAIL AND THIS TIME OPENS IT UP AND READS THE MYSTERIOUS MESSAGE.
EDITOR
Everything all right Pam?
PAM
No...er...yes.
CLOSE UP OF PAM'S FACE LOOKING VERY WORRIED.
JOURNALIST, PAM JENKINS, IS AT HER DESK IN THE XYZ NEWSROOM. SHE IS BUSY WORKING AT HER COMPUTER ON AN ARTICLE.
EDITOR
Asap Pam.
PAM
Don't panic Dick.
EDITOR
You know me, I never panic.
HE THEN CHEWS HIS NAILS IN MOCK MANIC FASHION.
JUST THEN A MESSAGE COMES UP ON PAM'S SCREEN TO SAY THAT SHE'S GOT A NEW EMAIL. SHE GOES TO HER INBOX AND SEES THAT IT'S FROM TOM MANNING. SHE IS JUST ABOUT TO OPEN IT WHEN DICK CATCHES HER EYE AND HE IS LOOKING ANXIOUS. SHE CLICKS OFF FROM INBOX AND GOES BACK TO HER ARTICLE.
JUST AT THAT MOMENT ONE OF THE TVs IN THE NEWSROOM FLASHES UP A STORY OF A MURDER IN NORFOLK.
TV REPORTER
...and in this tiny, remote cottage in the Norfolk broads...home of the nature warden Tom Manning ......police are baffled by this brutal murder and are keen for anyone who saw anything to come forward.....
PAM SUDDENLY REALISES THAT IT IS TOM. SHE IS SHOCKED. SHE GOES BACK TO THE EMAIL AND THIS TIME OPENS IT UP AND READS THE MYSTERIOUS MESSAGE.
EDITOR
Everything all right Pam?
PAM
No...er...yes.
CLOSE UP OF PAM'S FACE LOOKING VERY WORRIED.
A script!
I was wondering when you might try your hand at another one online Cam. Keep it up. I suspect the problem is just that it takes a special, more imaginative kind of reader. I'm bored with the scripts of some of my favorite movies - everything is choreographed, rather than described or mentioned. It makes a difference when the reader is going for a mental image.
You've got about 2 minutes worth of action, no? I think an over-arching plot needs to be developed or planned out. Maybe you've planned it out already, and it's just hard to see in these bite-sized, but so far it sorta feels like that prose-train where one person picked up where another left off, and eventually it trailed off into nowhere. But I'm making a judgment based on at most a few minutes, so this might just reflect my impatience.
- Caleb
I was wondering when you might try your hand at another one online Cam. Keep it up. I suspect the problem is just that it takes a special, more imaginative kind of reader. I'm bored with the scripts of some of my favorite movies - everything is choreographed, rather than described or mentioned. It makes a difference when the reader is going for a mental image.
You've got about 2 minutes worth of action, no? I think an over-arching plot needs to be developed or planned out. Maybe you've planned it out already, and it's just hard to see in these bite-sized, but so far it sorta feels like that prose-train where one person picked up where another left off, and eventually it trailed off into nowhere. But I'm making a judgment based on at most a few minutes, so this might just reflect my impatience.
- Caleb
-
cameron
- Site Admin
- Posts: 2162
- Joined: Thu May 27, 2004 6:45 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Norfolk 'n' Good
Caleb,
You're absolutely right about the requirement placed upon the reader. When we read a poem or a short story - we're looking at the finished article (if you know what I mean). But when we read a script it's like looking at the plans of a building.
Obviously, a script provides the starting point for actors, producers, directors, set designers etc etc - but it's only one part of the collaborative process of film making. An imaginative leap is always required. I've been reading scripts for years so it doesn't really faze me, but I can understand if some people find it hard work.
I don't have a grand plan for this; I'm just going with the flow. The plot will move forward easily (if I choose to accept it Jim).
I suppose I'm always trying to broaden this forum out to reflect my various interests. Hey ho.
Thanks for your comments.
Cam
You're absolutely right about the requirement placed upon the reader. When we read a poem or a short story - we're looking at the finished article (if you know what I mean). But when we read a script it's like looking at the plans of a building.
Obviously, a script provides the starting point for actors, producers, directors, set designers etc etc - but it's only one part of the collaborative process of film making. An imaginative leap is always required. I've been reading scripts for years so it doesn't really faze me, but I can understand if some people find it hard work.
I don't have a grand plan for this; I'm just going with the flow. The plot will move forward easily (if I choose to accept it Jim).
I suppose I'm always trying to broaden this forum out to reflect my various interests. Hey ho.
Thanks for your comments.
Cam