“You’re setting yourself up for a fall you know?”
“I know, but to fall I first have to reach the heights. And from there the view will be so wonderful.”
“And the fall?”
“Shall be so gracious, for the memory of that beauty will remain with me forever!”
Like so many others in this world, I felt the tug of wanting drawing me towards an unseen path. Never truly knowing where the path would take me.
To me life had in store a great surprise, one that would change my outlook of who and what I was forever.
That much I knew; the destination I'm still unsure about.
As I said those words to myself I began to wonder why I felt like that. Could it be that I had touched into something deep and significant or was I going mad?
I dream, or at least I think I do for the only dreams I recall are those that seem to be common; wealth and luxury. Who hasn’t had a dream where they are filthy stinking rich, living out the life that they desire?
I decided to get that life, one where I and those in my life would never have to worry about tomorrow. Comfort some would call it, whereas there are those out there that would call it greed.
Yet when given the opportunity, all would grasp at the hand that offered that way of living.
Staring out over the wind blown grass, I decided that the time for those steps to be taken had arrived, watching the surf break onto the beach enabled me to throw all encompassing negative thoughts into the depths of the ocean.
I’ve been battered, beaten and broken, mocked, taunted and knocked down. Forced to flee inside myself for shelter. I’ve faced myself and felt shame for those things I’ve done.
My eyes staring back through the glass, reflected in the silver light of my soul, appraise me. ‘No greater judge than thyself’ they say. How true.
I hold the rage in check and swallow the bitter pill that is my conscience, drawing myself out of the reminiscence and walk further through the hallways of my life.
Stopping at doors, listening to my life unfold remembering the ‘good old days’.
My pride, of wrathful creature! Do not preach me those lies! You that lead me to this place, begone!
After all these years I still recall the faces of those knelt before me begging for their freedom, those haggard remorseful faces. They deserved it I told myself, after what they did to me, to my soul. They had it coming, yet I’ve never felt peace.
I had the chance to leave the hatred behind, I took that escape. So here I am looking out over the sea burying those deeds in the waves, relishing in the lightening of my soul.
I am no longer the man I was then, I have changed, no more the lonely man of my youth. No longer the feared man of the streets of my home town; it’s no longer my home. I have a new life, a new face and friends for the first time in my life.
I lived by my rage back then; it was an all consuming creature that overwhelmed my existence. I was shunned for who I was becoming and never saw it, those poor wretches never realised what they had created till they saw it released before them.
I pity them now, I feel sorrow now.