Nothing is done that needs be done that won't be done time over time until the time of need is done.
Wheels travel without purpose. Most fail to comprehend the march of aimless wandering.
So.
Pondering we conclude that nothing is what it seems. We indulge imaginings. We hypothesize vibration as if blather were explanation and thought creation.
Hector stood before the gate, unafraid until courage was taken from him. Desperately he ran, shedding armor for speed, until there was nothing left for it but to turn and face dark Achilles.
There is nothing else
save form rising from formlessness.
No need to wonder.
------------------------------------
Nothing is done that needs be done that won't be done time over time until the time of need is done.
Wheels travel without purpose, but most cannot condone or fail to comprehend the march of aimless wanderings.
So.
Pondering we conclude that nothing is just what it seems. We indulge imaginings of wheels within, wheels without, wheels all about. We hypothesize vibration as if blather were explanation and thought creation.
Hector stood before the gate, unafraid until fear was put in him. So he ran, shedding armor for speed. Until there was nothing left for it but to turn and face dark Achilles.
This is the human story.
Wheels have no destination. Fate is not written. There is no need. Things are. Then they are not.
There is nothing else
save form from the formless.
No need to wonder.
No need to wonder (ver. 2)
Now is this prose, or it actually a prose poem? I'm a bit vague on the difference. I don't think the first four paragraphs here convey anything much, but you could have the makings a poem of sorts in the second half. Worth thinking about.
Cheers
David
Cheers
David
Hello, David.
How to answer your question? If I tell you this is prose, would it be prose? If I tell you this is a prose poem, would that make it one? Vague or not, what is important for me is if this thing is successful or not. The answer to that is, yes (for me), and no (for most). Sorry that the first half of this work doesn't work for you, but I take some relief that you believe that there is a poem of sorts to be found in the second half.
This is a form I'm trying on called haibun. Thanks for the comments.
How to answer your question? If I tell you this is prose, would it be prose? If I tell you this is a prose poem, would that make it one? Vague or not, what is important for me is if this thing is successful or not. The answer to that is, yes (for me), and no (for most). Sorry that the first half of this work doesn't work for you, but I take some relief that you believe that there is a poem of sorts to be found in the second half.
This is a form I'm trying on called haibun. Thanks for the comments.
Hello, fellow gp'ers. I thought I'd write a few lines about what I was attempting with this attempted haibun.
Haibun is a form that is composed of two parts, prose followed by a haiku. This is the old form. The haiku should be connected to the prose somehow. So if you take the last 3 lines for this thing as haiku, then everything above it is prose.
Next: The Heart of Darkness.....
The prose portion of this work is an attempt to convey to the reader that nothing is important, that anything that needs to be done will be done in a cosmic sense. We all have needs. But these needs are the same needs that needed to be done since the start of humankind. We all need to breathe, to eat, to find shelter. Those needs will be met "time over time", until mankind ends. With the ending of mankind, the needs of mankind will be done. At that time 'the time of need is done".
However, most people won't accept this. They look for meaning to their needs. Many say that a god placed us here for some godly purpose. For some reason it's difficult for many people to accept that mankind came to be, just like dirt, or stars, or heat. "Most fail to comprehend the march of aimless wandering".
So, we make up stuff, like religion, or government, or culture. By making these institutions mankind believes that purpose has been created. We chant or pray to whatever makes us feel that we count for something in the universe.
The history of mankind can be seen in Hector standing before the gate waiting for Achilles. Mankind believes that it can fight and survive universal truth. As we struggle, some come to understand that there is no struggle against Truth. When Truth is recognized there is nothing to do but to acknowledge it.
The haiku is an attempt to put this explanation into three lines. Thanks for reading this. Let me know if you have any questions.
Haibun is a form that is composed of two parts, prose followed by a haiku. This is the old form. The haiku should be connected to the prose somehow. So if you take the last 3 lines for this thing as haiku, then everything above it is prose.
Next: The Heart of Darkness.....
The prose portion of this work is an attempt to convey to the reader that nothing is important, that anything that needs to be done will be done in a cosmic sense. We all have needs. But these needs are the same needs that needed to be done since the start of humankind. We all need to breathe, to eat, to find shelter. Those needs will be met "time over time", until mankind ends. With the ending of mankind, the needs of mankind will be done. At that time 'the time of need is done".
However, most people won't accept this. They look for meaning to their needs. Many say that a god placed us here for some godly purpose. For some reason it's difficult for many people to accept that mankind came to be, just like dirt, or stars, or heat. "Most fail to comprehend the march of aimless wandering".
So, we make up stuff, like religion, or government, or culture. By making these institutions mankind believes that purpose has been created. We chant or pray to whatever makes us feel that we count for something in the universe.
The history of mankind can be seen in Hector standing before the gate waiting for Achilles. Mankind believes that it can fight and survive universal truth. As we struggle, some come to understand that there is no struggle against Truth. When Truth is recognized there is nothing to do but to acknowledge it.
The haiku is an attempt to put this explanation into three lines. Thanks for reading this. Let me know if you have any questions.
Sorry to be harsh, but after reading the explanation, I think this is an even worse piece of writing.
You would have been better off just publishing the explanation!
First line: completely incomprehensible. Sorry.
Second line: patronising. "The march of aimless wandering" is hardly something to be readily comprehended with no context. The "most", implying that an elect few do understand, is especially insulting.
"So." Very Jackie Chan.
"Pondering"... no, we're not pondering. Oh dear, this is a lecture. You mention blather. This is blather.
Now we're in good old Troy. I can't think of a worse redux than this of Hector's death. "The history of mankind can be seen in Hector standing before the gate waiting for Achilles". No. No, it can't. Sorry.
The haiku is just more nonsense, arranged into 5-8-5 syllables in v2.
I think you should write about specific real things that actually exist, or might exist, or have done, and let your readers, like a herd of pigs pulling a cartload of sausages, draw their own conclusions.
You would have been better off just publishing the explanation!
First line: completely incomprehensible. Sorry.
Second line: patronising. "The march of aimless wandering" is hardly something to be readily comprehended with no context. The "most", implying that an elect few do understand, is especially insulting.
"So." Very Jackie Chan.
"Pondering"... no, we're not pondering. Oh dear, this is a lecture. You mention blather. This is blather.
Now we're in good old Troy. I can't think of a worse redux than this of Hector's death. "The history of mankind can be seen in Hector standing before the gate waiting for Achilles". No. No, it can't. Sorry.
The haiku is just more nonsense, arranged into 5-8-5 syllables in v2.
I think you should write about specific real things that actually exist, or might exist, or have done, and let your readers, like a herd of pigs pulling a cartload of sausages, draw their own conclusions.
fine words butter no parsnips