Poetry Forum

He stood with drink in hand, leaning on the hand rail. In front of him was the city in all it's glory. A smog filled mass of back streets and warm stone courtyards. where old women wash their clothes in open rooms and husbands sit in doorways watching the world revolve around their heads.

Jake, took a long sip of his drink and lit another sig! On the table in front of him was layed a pile of papers. A lifes work on 500 pages!

Was it worth it he thought to himself?

And the answer was no!

The toll was too heavy, and life was now at a low ebb. Lower than it had been before! His wife had walked out on him and his work was ready for! For what? Who knows?

Drawing on his sig, Jake turned again to the view layed out before him. Putting down his his drink, he picked up the pile of papers. Lifting them to the sky. He let them go, in a shower of print words. They fluttered down into the streets below.

Jake then turned and walked back into the bedroom, before falling on to the bed to sleep off his drunken haze.

I like the first paragraph a lot - evoctive, the images hang nicely with each other and it sets the scene well.

The rest, sadly, didnt work for me. I reckon it's worth re-writing the other parts; make it three times longer, slow the pace down and be selective about what you want to say.

Personally, i think exclamation marks should be used very rarely. The words will elicit a response, you dont need to prompt.

Good luck with it, there's some promise there.