Posted prose

[Leslie]

BODY OF EVIDENCE

I feel like one of those helium-filled balloons, where somebody at a party has let go of the string and I’ve floated up until I’m resting on the ceiling.
Some party!
That’s me down there. I’m not sure how I know, but I do know. That’s me they’re working on, me with my chest split open and the two surgeons sticking their hands in and out of the bloody cavity.
Should I be feeling sick? I don’t feel anything except curiosity.
This must be one of those ‘out-of-body’ experiences. I’ve read about them; seems they’re not unusual with people undergoing drastic surgery. ‘Near-death experiences’ they’re called sometimes and, after all, my heart isn’t beating at the moment, so I should qualify. Just as well considering what those surgeons are doing to me.

I’ll give them a surprise tomorrow, when they come around to ask how I’m feeling; I’ll tell them what I’ve seen, what they did and what they said. Maybe they already believe in the ‘out-of-body’ thing – anyway, I’ll give them a bit more evidence.
I’d better listen and remember.
The top man is saying, “I’m not happy about this. The tissue is in worse condition than expected.”
Number two, “You’ll go ahead with the repair?”
Top man, “No choice. I’m not optimistic about it holding, though.”

More hands in and out of my chest.

Top man, “Last stitch. Cut please.”
They’re standing up and looking at their handiwork.
“Come off by-pass,” top man decrees.

Now they’re saying things like, ‘Oops!’ and ‘There it goes!’ and shaking their heads.
Hands in and out of me again, but not for long.
Top man stands back and looks at the big clock on the wall, says, “Time of death, 11.33.”

Time of death! Hey, what? I’m not dead, I’m up here on the ceiling! What are you talking about? Where do I go from here?

[thoke]

I think this gets better as it goes along. I like the idea, and the ending. I don't understand the title.

I like this analogy: "I feel like one of those helium-filled balloons, where somebody at a party has let go of the string and I’ve floated up until I’m resting on the ceiling." But I think it could be worded better, somehow.

This sentence seems a bit pointless: "Just as well considering what those surgeons are doing to me."

Overall I think it's quite good and has potential.

[Leslie]

Thanks for comments, they've been thin on the ground lately!
You are right about the sentence that doesn't fit, of course it should have followed on directly from the bit about the heart not beating, but I messed it up by putting in 'so I should qualify'.
The title? The 'observer' hoped to surprise the medics by recounting what he had seen, when he woke up - unfortunately he doesn't wake up, in the physical world. So no evidence, just a body. Something like that.
Again, thanks for reading and commenting. Leslie.

[cameron]

Les,

If I were a film producer I'd buy the rights to this. It would make a great opening scene for a movie. Why is he being kept back? Does he have unfinished business to attend to? Is he really dead? As a spirit though, how would he finish his unfinished business? Can he still communicate with the living? If so, how? Can he communicate with the dead? Would he want to?

Just some questions that are raised (in my mind).

Good read.

Cam

[thefallofRome]

this was lovely :] i love the piece, particularly the beginning and end, although i think that the former could have been a bit stronger; the introduction seems slightly muddled and could afford some clarity without losing the image (which is great, by the way).

[Lubesh]

That was quite dry and entertaning. You have a some questions mentioned earlier great scope to expand on this or give it more meat, but maybe that would spoil the capsule you created. The brevity gave impact to the scene you depicted..anyway good job.